DD constantly cries and is depressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she says she does not have friends, sadly she probably doesn't. I am so sorry. Some schools just have a culture of meaness. In our school, there have been more than a few who have left because of the culture -- moved, pupil placed, private, sent to live with relatives. You are not alone, but you probably do have to take action.

The school won't do anything. I've even escalated the issue to the principal. I honestly wish that I could afford private school because I know that's where she wants to be.

Have you applied to private school and asked for financial aid? You won't know until you inquire.

I've never inquired, but it's highly unlikely that she'll get a full ride. That's the only way I can afford it.

Then do it if you think DD will be happier in a private school setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she says she does not have friends, sadly she probably doesn't. I am so sorry. Some schools just have a culture of meaness. In our school, there have been more than a few who have left because of the culture -- moved, pupil placed, private, sent to live with relatives. You are not alone, but you probably do have to take action.

The school won't do anything. I've even escalated the issue to the principal. I honestly wish that I could afford private school because I know that's where she wants to be.

Why do you both believe private school will be a fix?

If its a typical school, your child will stand out even more than now and many of the kids will have been together for years making breaking into social circles tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she says she does not have friends, sadly she probably doesn't. I am so sorry. Some schools just have a culture of meaness. In our school, there have been more than a few who have left because of the culture -- moved, pupil placed, private, sent to live with relatives. You are not alone, but you probably do have to take action.

The school won't do anything. I've even escalated the issue to the principal. I honestly wish that I could afford private school because I know that's where she wants to be.

Why do you both believe private school will be a fix?

If its a typical school, your child will stand out even more than now and many of the kids will have been together for years making breaking into social circles tough.

Not true. A lot of private schools foster more inclusive environments. It just requires finding the right one.

[Anonymous]

My daughter has a physical illness. We pulled her out of school and she does high school online (she's a junior now). We couldn't afford private, but her online (fully accredited) high school is only $6k a year.
There's no stigma in online high school any more (I went to MANY college fairs and spoke directly to college admissions officers, and did a TON of research to find the right online high school-there's a lot of junk out there). I got a lot of good info from the college admissions officers about where to look.

That took care of the high school depression issue. Its incredibly hard to have a physical illness and be able to manage high school. We tried, for years, and it just didn't work. And we tried a LOT of things. Bottom line, teenagers are teenagers and really, people don't learn to be kind until later (and some people never learn!!)

Her online school is really tough, but we definitely made the right choice.

After we did that change, the key was getting her OUT. She too has depression and she takes meds, which does help. But getting her out around people is key. SO far, she has gotten a part time job which helps quite a bit. She volunteers for a local dog rescue at adoption events once per week. And she plays a sport (she has been playing since she was young but its not a competitive league, she isn't amazingly good or anything).

The thing that makes me sad is that we lost her high school years. Bottom line, she basically skipped all things high school. Proms, yearbook, clubs, etc. She has one friend her age, and the rest of her life right now is hanging out with older people (and dogs lol). But, she is not so depressed that we worry about suicide (we were there earlier this year). I know she wishes she could be in high school and do all those high schoolish things. But she herself says she wouldn't "choose" to return to high school-the setting is just not do-able for her.

Her online school actually has an in-person graduation ceremony as well as a senior year trip (both are optional) which she is taking advantage of. She wont know anyone in the group, they are from all over the country, but hey--at least its something.

What I have finally learned is that my daughter has an illness, and her life journey is going to be different from the average high schooler. She was dating a boy she met through work for quite some time, and I initially freaked because he was in college. But, then it occurred to me, I have to get over it--these are her peers.

I need to let go of the idea of high school as much as she does, and really focus on the big, big world out there. We are still working through it and thinking, but so far we've made really good progress. She talks about the future now, which is a great sign. She laughs all the time now. She talks about people at work, she is getting more engaged in the world and the people in it.

My biggest suggestion to you is to stop thinking about her world in terms of high school. Move on. There's a huge world for her to embrace, and I think limiting her to high school options that would be the right fit for other kids her age limits her options and sets her up for failure.

Hope this helps just my story and everyone's kid is different!

[Anonymous]

Well we are going to a new therapist this week hopefully things will get better. Also I will try to get her to go out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if she says she does not have friends, sadly she probably doesn't. I am so sorry. Some schools just have a culture of meaness. In our school, there have been more than a few who have left because of the culture -- moved, pupil placed, private, sent to live with relatives. You are not alone, but you probably do have to take action.

The school won't do anything. I've even escalated the issue to the principal. I honestly wish that I could afford private school because I know that's where she wants to be.

Why do you both believe private school will be a fix?

If its a typical school, your child will stand out even more than now and many of the kids will have been together for years making breaking into social circles tough.

Not true. A lot of private schools foster more inclusive environments. It just requires finding the right one.

No, not the typical ones.

The typical private school is made for the above average child - in almost all ways. Christian and Cathloic schools have some wiggle room but teens are teens. I went to Catholic high school in this area. It was not a place for anyone atypical. For the kids that's were, it was a tough four years.