How many proposals are really a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Two of my friends posted dramatic proposal photos on Facebook with all the usual ingredients: girl covering her mouth in shocked delight while young man goes down on knee in suitably romantic and public setting, etc. later I learned that while the women in question didn't know the exact day/time of the proposal, they knew it was coming and were prepared for it because these couples have been living together for a while and have planned everything out so that they can coordinate their careers, etc better. One if the women also told her man exactly how she wanted to be proposed to.

It made me think back on other proposals amongst friends and I remember stuff they've said about planning their wedding and marriage long before the engagement, so i wonder how many of them are actually surprised by their proposals and how much of those proposals are generally planned by both the man and the woman. Kind of puts the "staged" FB photos in a bad light if so. I'm interested to hear about this from people on DCUM: what has your personal experience been, and what do you see among your family and friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two of my friends posted dramatic proposal photos on Facebook with all the usual ingredients: girl covering her mouth in shocked delight while young man goes down on knee in suitably romantic and public setting, etc. later I learned that while the women in question didn't know the exact day/time of the proposal, they knew it was coming and were prepared for it because these couples have been living together for a while and have planned everything out so that they can coordinate their careers, etc better. One if the women also told her man exactly how she wanted to be proposed to.

It made me think back on other proposals amongst friends and I remember stuff they've said about planning their wedding and marriage long before the engagement, so i wonder how many of them are actually surprised by their proposals and how much of those proposals are generally planned by both the man and the woman. Kind of puts the "staged" FB photos in a bad light if so. I'm interested to hear about this from people on DCUM: what has your personal experience been, and what do you see among your family and friends?

Forget the question about whether the proposal is a surprise or not. What's gross is how every intimate moment has to be shared with the world. Proposals at ballparks and other public events are the worst. Now everyone wants that "moment of surprise" photo just like the ones they saw on Pinterest. Too many people think that they are on a reality tv show and that everyone else gives a damn about their life. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Mine was a surprise. We had talked theoretically about getting married, but I was thinking it would still be a year or so down the road.

But it was also in the middle of the woods and there are no pictures. I would have hated a public proposal.

[Anonymous]

I knew DH was planning to propose, although I had no idea where or when. And he did it in the least expected way possible, so yes, in a way I was very surprised.

It was just the two of us and I too would have hated a public proposal. Then again, I'm pretty private with stuff I share on FB.

[Anonymous]

I was surprised about the time/place, but it's not exactly like we hadn't talked about getting married. If you'd never discussed it, that would be way creepy.

[Anonymous]

I had NO clue and indeed had been contemplating breaking up because I wasn't getting many/any indicators that he was in it for the long haul . . . I didn't want to be the pushy type and ask what he thought was the plan, and to me (based on prior experience with other boyfriends), his not raising the issue meant he wasn't making long term plans. Boy was I wrong - as I learned when he popped out that big ol' diamond ring!

[Anonymous]

We had agreed that we wanted to get married within the year and looked at rings, but the time/date of the proposal was a surprise. I thought that's how most people did it . . .

[Anonymous]

DH thought he surprised me - but he slipped and told me his plans while he was drunk. I pretended I didn't remember and a month later when he proposed exactly how he told me he would, I pretended to be surprised. Eight years later he still thinks he pulled off a surprising proposal. I would never tell him the truth - he would be crushed. He's really proud of the proposal.

[Anonymous]

If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

[Anonymous]

We talked about getting married. A friend had to point out to me that since I'd told the boyfriend I wanted to marry him, he could propose at any moment.

Unknown to me at the time, he asked my father for his blessing to propose to me, and my father said no. So when it didn't happen in the month after my friend had made her point, I kind of stopped thinking about it. There was no huge rush. When he DID finally propose, I honestly was totally shocked and excited and my hands were shaking.

[Anonymous]

I dunno. I knew it was coming since we talked about it and I showed him pictures of rings I liked. But the actual moment was still a surprise and lovely and I was a little speechless. Granted I didn't post any details of the proposal but it was personal and not elaborate and I m not a dramatic person. Some people are and like the attention and want to show off how much thought their fiancée put into it.

[Anonymous]

We were very young when we met (1st year college) and dated each other for a number of years before we got married. We were each other's first love and proposed to each other frequently throughout our dating years, all in good fun!

We made long lists of why we should marry or not marry, and often times when one proposed, the other rejected, and this was a running joke between us.

In the end, there was no proposal but a heartfelt decision that we could not live without each other. Marriage was the state we wanted to be in, we wanted to have that claim on one another.

25 years later...still the best decision of my life. Still the only man I have loved in my life.

And yes, no dramatic proposal, no tears, no photographs, no witnesses - and not even a ring! LOL

We went together to buy a ring, much later!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

[Anonymous]

If the proposal is really a surprise, then there is a high probability that the answer would be a "NO".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked about getting married. A friend had to point out to me that since I'd told the boyfriend I wanted to marry him, he could propose at any moment.

Unknown to me at the time, he asked my father for his blessing to propose to me, and my father said no. So when it didn't happen in the month after my friend had made her point, I kind of stopped thinking about it. There was no huge rush. When he DID finally propose, I honestly was totally shocked and excited and my hands were shaking.

Why did he say no?