How many proposals are really a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Mine was not a surprise, except for the ring which was picked and purchased with 0 input from me. Done in private with no fanfare and I would have been livid had it gone down any other way because it would have meant he didn't know or understand me at all.

[Anonymous]

No proposal here. We just decided to get pregnant and then when I was around 12 weeks along, we decided go get married. 10 years later, couldn't be happier. And we have two beautiful kids. Meanwhile, a lot of my friends with extravagant proposals, diamond rings and big weddings are divorced or in unhappy marriages. We got married in the courthouse with 3 people present. It was perfect for us.

[Anonymous]

There's something very different about talking about marriage in theory, and even making some of the life changes that might be necessary to make it happen, and the actual moment when you're asked and it's real. I dated a lot before DH and several of those guys discussed marriage with me. It's only natural to think about marriage when you date someone seriously. But, most of the time it's just talk. You're trying each other on for size. It usually doesn't work out. Taking that extra step to get a ring and actually propose is another matter entirely. In that sense, it was definitely a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

Eh, it worked for us. I had only known DH 6 months, and never figured we were on that kind of a timeline. Married 7 years now.

[Anonymous]

We had discussed getting married and talked generally about what I might like in an engagement ring, but the proposal was meant to be a surprise.

DH still doesn't know but I saw the ring box in his pocket as we prepared to go out that evening so unfortunately when he actually pulled it out I had known for a few hours that it was going to happen. Up until that point, it was a surprise.

He did do it in a restaurant over dinner, but it was a very quiet and low key moment, I'm pretty certain that almost no one around us knew it was happening.

[Anonymous]

I had thought something might be coming, but didn't know for sure. We hadn't really talked about marriage concretely before the proposal, but we didn't really need to - we both knew we valued the same things, including marriage, and loved each other so it was clear we were headed there. And obviously we talked about it plenty after we got engaged, so it's not like we went from a surprise proposal to the altar without talking about the things you need to talk about before you commit.

[Anonymous]

I knew the proposal was coming since I was already wearing the ring (long story but involved international travel and since we'd picked the ring out together and he was really nervous about traveling with it, he wanted me to wear it). I guess the proposal itself now seems pointless- we talked about getting married and I was wearing the ring already- but DH still did it in a very meaningful and private way. Proposal/wedding took place long before the advent of Facebook so nothing to make public. One day we hope to take our kids back to our proposal spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

Eh, it worked for us. I had only known DH 6 months, and never figured we were on that kind of a timeline. Married 7 years now.

A couple of questions for context:
How old were you both when you met?
How long between the proposal and wedding?

[Anonymous]

OP, are your friends 19?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two of my friends posted dramatic proposal photos on Facebook with all the usual ingredients: girl covering her mouth in shocked delight while young man goes down on knee in suitably romantic and public setting, etc. later I learned that while the women in question didn't know the exact day/time of the proposal, they knew it was coming and were prepared for it because these couples have been living together for a while and have planned everything out so that they can coordinate their careers, etc better. One if the women also told her man exactly how she wanted to be proposed to.

It made me think back on other proposals amongst friends and I remember stuff they've said about planning their wedding and marriage long before the engagement, so i wonder how many of them are actually surprised by their proposals and how much of those proposals are generally planned by both the man and the woman. Kind of puts the "staged" FB photos in a bad light if so. I'm interested to hear about this from people on DCUM: what has your personal experience been, and what do you see among your family and friends?

Forget the question about whether the proposal is a surprise or not. What's gross is how every intimate moment has to be shared with the world. Proposals at ballparks and other public events are the worst. Now everyone wants that "moment of surprise" photo just like the ones they saw on Pinterest. Too many people think that they are on a reality tv show and that everyone else gives a damn about their life. Just say no.

ITA. Nothing "romantic" about such a staged event, that should be personal and private.

[Anonymous]

I was surprised. We had been to Greece and watched a sunset at some ruins; it was so romantic and since it didn't happen then I thought it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Turns out it was because he didn't have the ring with him.

Anyways I was so surprised when suddenly he was down on one knee. I didn't hear a word he was saying, because he is allergic to dogs and I started thinking, "if I say yes, I'll never be able to have a dog! Or what about the llama or mini-sheep I wanted…"

LOL then I just decided he was worth it, and to say "yes" when his mouth stopped moving.

16 years later; still no dog, but a couple of kids and a fabulous little parrot. DH is contemplating getting some allergy shots because he loves dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

Eh, it worked for us. I had only known DH 6 months, and never figured we were on that kind of a timeline. Married 7 years now.

A couple of questions for context:
How old were you both when you met?
How long between the proposal and wedding?

Mine was a surprise. We had been dating for 8 years and I just stopped expecting a proposal. Met when we were 18. Engaged at 26. Married at 27. Married for 5 years now with one child. Couldn't be happier.

[Anonymous]

My husband took me to the diamond district in NYC and let me pick out a ring. No surprise but I love my ring and my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

Not true. We had been living together for years and he told me he never wanted to marry, so I figured we never would. I had made peace with us being together without getting married and hadn't thought about it. I was very surprised when he said he had changed his mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the proposal is a surprise, it's way too early to be contemplating marriage.

+1

Eh, it worked for us. I had only known DH 6 months, and never figured we were on that kind of a timeline. Married 7 years now.

A couple of questions for context:
How old were you both when you met?
How long between the proposal and wedding?

We met at 27. Though it was initially going to be about a year between proposal and wedding, it ended up being about 18 months for a couple of logistical reasons - we were overseas at first, a brother was deployed, another brother was getting married.