How many proposals are really a surprise?

[Anonymous]

Guys who actually go down on their knees to propose are supplicating chumps very likely to get cheated on.
How wimpish and needy is it to have to bow down on one's knee to get her hand in marriage? Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had NO clue and indeed had been contemplating breaking up because I wasn't getting many/any indicators that he was in it for the long haul . . . I didn't want to be the pushy type and ask what he thought was the plan, and to me (based on prior experience with other boyfriends), his not raising the issue meant he wasn't making long term plans. Boy was I wrong - as I learned when he popped out that big ol' diamond ring!

wow the communication in your relationship really sucked big time, didn't it?

Hopefully things have improved since then

Do you and your husband talk to each other about shit yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We talked about getting married. A friend had to point out to me that since I'd told the boyfriend I wanted to marry him, he could propose at any moment.

Unknown to me at the time, he asked my father for his blessing to propose to me, and my father said no. So when it didn't happen in the month after my friend had made her point, I kind of stopped thinking about it. There was no huge rush. When he DID finally propose, I honestly was totally shocked and excited and my hands were shaking.

So, how did it feel getting married to a tool who actually thought he needed to ask permission of YOUR FATHER to get married to you--and then the father said NO????

Just how fucked up is that.

If I was stupid and insecure enough to ask for the father's blessing in the first place, and he actually told me "no," I would tell him to fuck off and say "Fine, I won't marry her, since you don't want me to, but I am going to assfuck her brains out, see ya round."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised. We had been to Greece and watched a sunset at some ruins; it was so romantic and since it didn't happen then I thought it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Turns out it was because he didn't have the ring with him.

Anyways I was so surprised when suddenly he was down on one knee. I didn't hear a word he was saying, because he is allergic to dogs and I started thinking, "if I say yes, I'll never be able to have a dog! Or what about the llama or mini-sheep I wanted…"

LOL then I just decided he was worth it, and to say "yes" when his mouth stopped moving.

16 years later; still no dog, but a couple of kids and a fabulous little parrot. DH is contemplating getting some allergy shots because he loves dogs.

This is what happens with these guys who are so lacking in confidence they feel they have to get down on the knee and prostrate themselves before the little princess. She actually had to take some time to make up her mind between marrying him and getting a dog. Holy Crap if you ever told him that and he had any backbone he should have cancelled the marriage. I wonder how much of a doormat he's been over the sixteen years of your marriage. Be honest, how many times have you cheated or at least seriously thought about it?

[Anonymous]

I'm going to guess the last four posts are by the same person who is cranky about being stuck inside all day...

[Anonymous]

The idea of getting married was not a surprise, but the time/place was. And the ring... I had no idea he'd been looking at rings, let alone purchased one.

I actually fell over, I was so shocked. I just didn't expect it at that moment. And it came at the end of a long series of surprises and emotional moments, so I guess I should have been expecting it, but I was just so overwhelmed by everything else that I just didn't think he could have anything else up his sleeve. He caught me completely off guard. My knees buckled out from under me. It's a good thing he was down on one knee, because he was able to catch me! Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys who actually go down on their knees to propose are supplicating chumps very likely to get cheated on.
How wimpish and needy is it to have to bow down on one's knee to get her hand in marriage? Ugh.

Good thing DH didn't get down on one knee then!

[Anonymous]

I was surprised even though I picked out my ring and paid for half of it. DH went back later and picked out the actual stone within a budget and size we agreed on. We bought it in the diamond district in NYC and the jeweler said he thought it might take 2-3 months to have the setting made. He proposed 2 weeks later - so yes, I was surprised.

[Anonymous]

We wanted to wait to live together until we were ready to get married. So once he moved in with me, I knew a proposal was coming. I saw a FedEx box behind a bookshelf in his office and had to force myself not to snoop! We were leaving for an upcoming vacation so I assumed it would happen then and it did - DH planned an amazing evening and proposal. So while the proposal as an event was a surprise, the intention and expectation of marriage was not.

[Anonymous]

I was surprised. We were traveling abroad and sitting in a cafe. I was trying to get the waiter's attention (which was hard to do) and when I turned back to the table, there was a box on it. I literally lost the power of speech for a good 60 seconds. Then I burst into tears.

We'd been together 4 years at that point, living together for 3 of them. We'd been talking about getting married the whole time, but I still was in no way expecting it. He is not a guy who is prone to romantic gestures - not a flower-buyer or love letter writer - so I wasn't expecting a surprise proposal at all. I was more expecting that when it was logical, we would have a rational conversation that involved making lists and possibly spreadsheets and then figuring out how much booze to buy for the reception. I never thought I'd get a ring out of nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to guess the last four posts are by the same person who is cranky about being stuck inside all day...

Maybe, but that poster is pretty funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew DH was planning to propose, although I had no idea where or when. And he did it in the least expected way possible, so yes, in a way I was very surprised.

It was just the two of us and I too would have hated a public proposal. Then again, I'm pretty private with stuff I share on FB.

This - OP. DH and I had talked extensively about getting married -- it was a done deal, but I had no idea WHEN and HOW. He did it at a holiday meal with his family -- everyone going around saying what they were thankful for. I was busy trying to come up with something to say...I didn't even realize dude had gotten down on his knee during his turn! So , NO, the marriage was not a surprise, but the proposal was.

[Anonymous]

Our proposal was private, romantic and a beautiful surprise. We had discussed marriage, and ideas we had around it. I think its important to do that before making that type of commitment. Sometimes, once a couple is engaged, everyone acts as if they are already married and nothing can be broken off. The pressure is on to follow through. Not saying that it can't work otherwise.

Having the discussions about wanting to commit doesn't take away the surprise of the proposal and how he does it, what the ring looks like, the fact that it is actually happening, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No proposal here. We just decided to get pregnant and then when I was around 12 weeks along, we decided go get married. 10 years later, couldn't be happier. And we have two beautiful kids. Meanwhile, a lot of my friends with extravagant proposals, diamond rings and big weddings are divorced or in unhappy marriages. We got married in the courthouse with 3 people present. It was perfect for us.

And you saved a boatload of money by avoiding a wedding!