Does your mother do this?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early 30s, married, with one young child. My mom has recently taken to sending me EVERY weather report that shows "bad" or "urgent" news. Like I don't know how to turn on the tv and figure it out for myself. Maybe she thinks I'm too busy to check and wants me to know ahead of time, but it is just starting to make me feel anxiety and I think it's because SHE'S anxious about it and it's transferring onto me. I don't know. She doesn't have a ton of close relationships in her life (really none besides with me) so I feel like I take the brunt of pretty much everything. Is she nuts or do other people's moms do this? Is this something I'm gonna start doing to my poor daughter when she's my age?!? Gahh!

[Anonymous]

Any ideas what's behind this? It's just a symptom of something she's struggling with. Bless you for caring about her. She needs that.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this. I just ignore. Since it's your mom, have a talk with her.

[Anonymous]

My mom is the opposite. When I moved into DC, she actively stopped reading crime reports so she wouldn't worry. She's not usually a worrier to begin with thought.

But MIL does this to DH. I think she's always been a worrier. So I think it's just a personality thing?

[Anonymous]

Is she newer to this new fangled internet thing?

When my dad discovered the internet, he sent all sorts of links, news, forwarded spam, etc for a very long time until the novelty wore off.

Same thing for my aunt and a few uncles.

They are all in that age range.

My mil does the same thing, but with newspaper and magazine clippings. If she wan't afraid of technology she would be doing the same thing with email.

Could that be the problem?

[Anonymous]

My mother does this too and I'm in my 40s. Two weeks ago she called to warn me that she just learned that she's been flushing the toilet ALL wrong her whole life and that you MUST put the lid down before you flush (which she had not been doing). She wanted to make sure I knew.

Mostly I just nod and smile and treat her as a source of amusing anecdotes for my friends.

[Anonymous]

Until she discovered the internet, my mom cut out newspaper and magazine articles and mailed them to me. We live 8 miles from each other. I thank God for the internet daily.

[Anonymous]

I live in SF, and any time my East Coast mother hears there was an earthquake anywhere in the world she calls to make sure I'm okay. Often, I'm finding out from her that there was an earthquake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this too and I'm in my 40s. Two weeks ago she called to warn me that she just learned that she's been flushing the toilet ALL wrong her whole life and that you MUST put the lid down before you flush (which she had not been doing). She wanted to make sure I knew.

Mostly I just nod and smile and treat her as a source of amusing anecdotes for my friends.

This is good advice and making the rounds of the internet. The germs from the toilet go up like nine feet in the air per some study. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like a bid deal unless you think life is supposed to be perfect.

[Anonymous]

**big**deal

[Anonymous]

My mom has a daily weather check or something for whatever city I am living in at the time. I think its weird. She doesn't really say anything to me about it but occasionally she brings it up as if I should have more news to tell her about it and when I don't she gets mad at me. But then again she gets mad at me for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 30s, married, with one young child. My mom has recently taken to sending me EVERY weather report that shows "bad" or "urgent" news. Like I don't know how to turn on the tv and figure it out for myself. Maybe she thinks I'm too busy to check and wants me to know ahead of time, but it is just starting to make me feel anxiety and I think it's because SHE'S anxious about it and it's transferring onto me. I don't know. She doesn't have a ton of close relationships in her life (really none besides with me) so I feel like I take the brunt of pretty much everything. Is she nuts or do other people's moms do this? Is this something I'm gonna start doing to my poor daughter when she's my age?!? Gahh!

OP, I think you're on to something there. I had a pattern with my mom where she would say something and I could tell she felt anxious and then I would either get anxious or get angry at her for feeling anxious. At some point I realized that just because my mom was anxious, that didn't mean that I had to feel anxious or angry and I worked on separating emotionally at those moments. It was hard and in some ways not going right to anger was hard because I had to come to grips with how anxious I felt and it was hard to sit there with it. But as I was able to set internal boundaries with her (and I had to set a few with her verbally as well), I was able to separate from her emotionally and her anxiety had less control over me. I was able to see her as, say, the anxious old neighbor lady down the block who, of course, would be anxious about silly things and I could be reassuring and supportive and yet not take it seriously or have it affect me.

Just keep reminding yourself that even though your mother feels that way, you don't have to. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 30s, married, with one young child. My mom has recently taken to sending me EVERY weather report that shows "bad" or "urgent" news. Like I don't know how to turn on the tv and figure it out for myself. Maybe she thinks I'm too busy to check and wants me to know ahead of time, but it is just starting to make me feel anxiety and I think it's because SHE'S anxious about it and it's transferring onto me. I don't know. She doesn't have a ton of close relationships in her life (really none besides with me) so I feel like I take the brunt of pretty much everything. Is she nuts or do other people's moms do this? Is this something I'm gonna start doing to my poor daughter when she's my age?!? Gahh!

OP, I think you're on to something there. I had a pattern with my mom where she would say something and I could tell she felt anxious and then I would either get anxious or get angry at her for feeling anxious. At some point I realized that just because my mom was anxious, that didn't mean that I had to feel anxious or angry and I worked on separating emotionally at those moments. It was hard and in some ways not going right to anger was hard because I had to come to grips with how anxious I felt and it was hard to sit there with it. But as I was able to set internal boundaries with her (and I had to set a few with her verbally as well), I was able to separate from her emotionally and her anxiety had less control over me. I was able to see her as, say, the anxious old neighbor lady down the block who, of course, would be anxious about silly things and I could be reassuring and supportive and yet not take it seriously or have it affect me.

Just keep reminding yourself that even though your mother feels that way, you don't have to. Hang in there!

not the OP but I would love to be able to do this with my mom. Did you work with a therapist or something? Just do it on your own?

[Anonymous]

Lolz, my MIL clips articles from he newspaper and saves them for us until the next time we see her (months later).