Does your mother do this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother does this too and I'm in my 40s. Two weeks ago she called to warn me that she just learned that she's been flushing the toilet ALL wrong her whole life and that you MUST put the lid down before you flush (which she had not been doing). She wanted to make sure I knew.

Mostly I just nod and smile and treat her as a source of amusing anecdotes for my friends.

That's hysterical PP love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 30s, married, with one young child. My mom has recently taken to sending me EVERY weather report that shows "bad" or "urgent" news. Like I don't know how to turn on the tv and figure it out for myself. Maybe she thinks I'm too busy to check and wants me to know ahead of time, but it is just starting to make me feel anxiety and I think it's because SHE'S anxious about it and it's transferring onto me. I don't know. She doesn't have a ton of close relationships in her life (really none besides with me) so I feel like I take the brunt of pretty much everything. Is she nuts or do other people's moms do this? Is this something I'm gonna start doing to my poor daughter when she's my age?!? Gahh!

OP, I think you're on to something there. I had a pattern with my mom where she would say something and I could tell she felt anxious and then I would either get anxious or get angry at her for feeling anxious. At some point I realized that just because my mom was anxious, that didn't mean that I had to feel anxious or angry and I worked on separating emotionally at those moments. It was hard and in some ways not going right to anger was hard because I had to come to grips with how anxious I felt and it was hard to sit there with it. But as I was able to set internal boundaries with her (and I had to set a few with her verbally as well), I was able to separate from her emotionally and her anxiety had less control over me. I was able to see her as, say, the anxious old neighbor lady down the block who, of course, would be anxious about silly things and I could be reassuring and supportive and yet not take it seriously or have it affect me.

Just keep reminding yourself that even though your mother feels that way, you don't have to. Hang in there!

not the OP but I would love to be able to do this with my mom. Did you work with a therapist or something? Just do it on your own?

It was a long time ago and I spent a lot of my youth in therapy so I'm not sure if I directly worked with a therapist on it. At some point in grad school I was in group therapy so I probably was working with a therapist on it. But I think it was also the accumulation of all those self-help books I'd read over the years, working with therapists, and probably being in Al-Anon (although at the time she wasn't the alcoholic I was worried about). But I started thinking of her as if she were the alcoholic I needed to detach from and accept that I couldn't control her and that really helped!

[Anonymous]

OP my dad does things like this. Honestly, instead of getting worked up about it, I look at it this way: a lot of people would give anything to have parents that cared AT ALL about them, parents who actually took an interest in their safety. This may seem over the top to you, but she's doing it because she cares and is concerned. I would focus on feeling lucky that that is her intention, and otherwise just blowing it off "I know mom, you don't have to send things like this, we are monitoring the weather and usually do. Thanks for caring and paying attention, don't worry, we'll be fine!" and after that ignore it.

I feel very lucky my dad and DH's parents are so concerned about our well-being. I try to never see it as annoying or insulting, but instead as the way they show they care. It helps to make it not drive you crazy, and maybe even appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 30s, married, with one young child. My mom has recently taken to sending me EVERY weather report that shows "bad" or "urgent" news. Like I don't know how to turn on the tv and figure it out for myself. Maybe she thinks I'm too busy to check and wants me to know ahead of time, but it is just starting to make me feel anxiety and I think it's because SHE'S anxious about it and it's transferring onto me. I don't know. She doesn't have a ton of close relationships in her life (really none besides with me) so I feel like I take the brunt of pretty much everything. Is she nuts or do other people's moms do this? Is this something I'm gonna start doing to my poor daughter when she's my age?!? Gahh!

Mine does this. She's obsessed with the weather. Every winter she gets worked up about a "big storm" and I tell her if the weather worries her so much she should consider moving to Florida or Arizona. Or better yet, Hawaii, where rather than getting anxious about the weather and trying to make her own kids anxious about it she can make them feel jealous instead.

[Anonymous]

My mom feels the need to give me medical advice she gains from watching The View, The Doctors, or Dr. Oz. most of it is hysterical/alarmist and poorly researched - i.e. A study with a sample size of 10.
She also likes to send me "healthy" recipes that she gets from Pinterest and daytime TV - most of which include processed foods like fat free / sugar free crap.

I just ignore it because I know she means well and if I explain it to her she will think I'm being a snob.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Until she discovered the internet, my mom cut out newspaper and magazine articles and mailed them to me. We live 8 miles from each other. I thank God for the internet daily.

I think this is sort of adorable.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is sending you those, because she cares about you.

Trust me - you will long for those quirks when she inevitably dies one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is sending you those, because she cares about you.

Trust me - you will long for those quirks when she inevitably dies one day.

She's sending her these because she's OCD. She gets an emotional payoff from giving you the weather report. Lots of older people refuse to stop their behavior and get help but their kids are supposed to roll over and take it "because they live you"

[Anonymous]

When I lived in Miami, my father in NY would call every time it got cold in NY and tell me to put on a scarf. I was 30 and sometimes having these conversations while at the beach.