I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

My closure came from telling her husband.

Should have done it in person, OP. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

Well that’s why he picked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

I think it’s really interesting that you describe her as “very troubled” but yet you received no response from her. Ignoring you seems like the most advisable response for her in this situation and is not what a “very troubled” person would do. So either your message never reached her or your husband’s description of her may not add up. Hmm.

Fair points. She’s troubled trust me. I know a fair amount about her not from my husband. agree not responding is actually a mature response in mAny ways. To other poster, yes he/we are doing all the things. This was just a nagging thing on my part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

For your sake I hope this is the end of it. Asking questions was incredibly foolish of you but you know that.

If she’s really “troubled” you may be in for a world of pain, but it’s probably what your husband deserves anyway.

Not sure why foolish. But ok. Anyway, while she shared a lot when I first discovered she’s been silent since, and agree that’s probably for the best

[Anonymous]

OP if you are really trying to put your marriage back together, what could the OW have told you that would help? I’m sure she could tell you some things (whether true or not) that would really mess with your head. You should thank your lucky stars she didn’t respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

Your husband was eager and willing to risk it all to be with this "troubled" young woman. I'm sure he told her how insane/troubled you are, how miserable you make him. You helped to prove his point by reaching out and blathering to this woman, btw. Now she has personal proof of it.

AP has moved on, probably to better men than your DH (because any other man is better than a cheater). Stop trying to get her to care about you or your failing, lackluster marriage. She doesn't. I doubt your DH cares either, he just doesn't want to lose half his net worth or find another place to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

Your husband was eager and willing to risk it all to be with this "troubled" young woman. I'm sure he told her how insane/troubled you are, how miserable you make him. You helped to prove his point by reaching out and blathering to this woman, btw. Now she has personal proof of it.

AP has moved on, probably to better men than your DH (because any other man is better than a cheater). Stop trying to get her to care about you or your failing, lackluster marriage. She doesn't. I doubt your DH cares either, he just doesn't want to lose half his net worth or find another place to live.

+100000. OP get some hobbies, friends, a new job etc. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

For your sake I hope this is the end of it. Asking questions was incredibly foolish of you but you know that.

If she’s really “troubled” you may be in for a world of pain, but it’s probably what your husband deserves anyway.

Not sure why foolish. But ok. Anyway, while she shared a lot when I first discovered she’s been silent since, and agree that’s probably for the best

Because asking questions invites further contact. You didn’t ask her to stay out of your life, you asked her to hop back in it. If she answers your questions in a public forum, if she answers them copying your children, if she answers them explicitly on social media, if she answers them naked in a video to your husband—you will have asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

I think it’s really interesting that you describe her as “very troubled” but yet you received no response from her. Ignoring you seems like the most advisable response for her in this situation and is not what a “very troubled” person would do. So either your message never reached her or your husband’s description of her may not add up. Hmm.

Fair points. She’s troubled trust me. I know a fair amount about her not from my husband. agree not responding is actually a mature response in mAny ways. To other poster, yes he/we are doing all the things. This was just a nagging thing on my part

Aren’t you very troubled? You’ve posted so many threads on infidelity that Jeff discussed the speculation about whether you are a troll on his blog. And unlike AP you are older and strapped to a failing marriage. And now you are inviting contact from her, like the other pp said, so that she can torment you. She has the luxury and apparently the wisdom to put this behind her. Do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

I think it’s really interesting that you describe her as “very troubled” but yet you received no response from her. Ignoring you seems like the most advisable response for her in this situation and is not what a “very troubled” person would do. So either your message never reached her or your husband’s description of her may not add up. Hmm.

Fair points. She’s troubled trust me. I know a fair amount about her not from my husband. agree not responding is actually a mature response in mAny ways. To other poster, yes he/we are doing all the things. This was just a nagging thing on my part

Aren’t you very troubled? You’ve posted so many threads on infidelity that Jeff discussed the speculation about whether you are a troll on his blog. And unlike AP you are older and strapped to a failing marriage. And now you are inviting contact from her, like the other pp said, so that she can torment you. She has the luxury and apparently the wisdom to put this behind her. Do you?

NP. Why so hostile to this woman? She's obviously very hurt by what happened. Contacting the AP wasn't the right move, but neither is attacking someone you don't know and who has done nothing to you.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you feel better, OP. You can't control whether she replies or not, but if saying your piece was important to you, well good, you've said it! Best of luck moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is this one of the threads Jeff was referring to that has been posted by the same woman in the last few days? Referenced in the post he just locked down about OP’s husband telling his AP that OP is revolting?

OP, if that is you, all I can say is there is no way out of this mess until you get tired enough of mistreatment and tired enough of feeling the way you feel now. Then and only then will you feel better. I really do wish you the best. It’s not fun being lost like this.

+1

I'd love for the OW to get hit by Karma, but in this case OP is trying to make herself feel better any way but the only way that would actually work: leaving her husband. Nothing else is going to scratch that itch, OP.

Bingo !!!!

Also Karma! But people don’t like to think about that. And plotting revenge never brings good karma.

I sometimes wonder ... so many folks suggest the that they expect the spouse's APs to get "hit with Karma" -- but have you considered that your spouse and their AP are YOUR Karma for something crappy you've done in the past?? Sometimes, most of the time, all of the time ... you aren't the innocent or pure one. Nobody is. "Karma" doesn't always work in the way you think it does.

[Anonymous]

There are so many heartbreaking things and real problems in our world: earthquakes, fires, floods, food insecurity, lack of access to clean water, war, poverty, injustice . . . but feeling like the single paragraph written by some woman who's been cheated on didn't adequately express enough self-blame . . . THAT's your crusade?

Life is short, friends. Get it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP I contacted her. Fairly innocuous note asking a few clarifying questions and empathizing with the many lies he told her. No response. I able to let this go now, not sure I can explain why, but I am.

Fwiw, this young woman is very troubled. I don’t consider her any one my husband would have chosen long term. She’s attractive, I’m attractive, but yes she was younger and “new”

I think it’s really interesting that you describe her as “very troubled” but yet you received no response from her. Ignoring you seems like the most advisable response for her in this situation and is not what a “very troubled” person would do. So either your message never reached her or your husband’s description of her may not add up. Hmm.

Fair points. She’s troubled trust me. I know a fair amount about her not from my husband. agree not responding is actually a mature response in mAny ways. To other poster, yes he/we are doing all the things. This was just a nagging thing on my part

She is troubled, and your husband has turned you into a troubled person. I guess he likes his women troubled...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is this one of the threads Jeff was referring to that has been posted by the same woman in the last few days? Referenced in the post he just locked down about OP’s husband telling his AP that OP is revolting?

OP, if that is you, all I can say is there is no way out of this mess until you get tired enough of mistreatment and tired enough of feeling the way you feel now. Then and only then will you feel better. I really do wish you the best. It’s not fun being lost like this.

+1

I'd love for the OW to get hit by Karma, but in this case OP is trying to make herself feel better any way but the only way that would actually work: leaving her husband. Nothing else is going to scratch that itch, OP.

Bingo !!!!

Also Karma! But people don’t like to think about that. And plotting revenge never brings good karma.

I sometimes wonder ... so many folks suggest the that they expect the spouse's APs to get "hit with Karma" -- but have you considered that your spouse and their AP are YOUR Karma for something crappy you've done in the past?? Sometimes, most of the time, all of the time ... you aren't the innocent or pure one. Nobody is. "Karma" doesn't always work in the way you think it does.

Ouch!

Those who believe in Karma don't think this deeply about how it really works. Lol