Girl's School and Gender Pronouns
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Anonymous
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Echoing poster above who said, "Again, I think our kids are light years ahead of parents on this topic (in this area, anyway)."
Parent of daughter in an all-girls' school, who also came from a previous school with sorely needed parenting programming about developing identity. There are a lot of things the kids may not be alright about (coronovirus, after effects of online schooling, global warning and other stresses about hopeful future), but recognizing the many ways one can grow into themselves--and supporting others in this process--is not one of them on the whole. We'd do well to follow their lead. |
Anonymous
This is of course true, however has nothing at all to do with one or two students opting to be at a private single gender school changing the policy to no longer use the word “girls” to describe the student body *as a whole* as “girls” or “ young ladies”. I think it’s also important for people to not expect the entire world to revolve around you, if you are choosing to be in a school the caters to one gender and you are identifying as a new gender after joining(or applying). That’s reality and good for kids to know alongside respecting those who are different and seeing each person as an individual. There can be a balance. It doesn’t need to swing over into cray cray land. |
Anonymous
The issue was not whether people should use "girls" to describe the school; it was that when students and faculty speak in front of a group of students, they should not address the entire group as "girls" or "ladies" because they shouldn't presume that everyone identifies as such. |
Anonymous
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PP, but if a student is at a school voluntarily (they don’t have to be at NCS or Stone Ridge or Holton, etc) that caters to one specific gender then they should expect as much. Would you have a problem with STA addressing a room full of their students as “young men”?
Being at a single gender school is a specific and elective experience. There are more than a large handful of great coeducational schools in DMV, full of people who want to be in a room of fellow students of a variety of genders which a person could apply to and attend. Those students as a group are not referred to girls or boys etc, I do think that as individuals people should be recognized as they/ them, etc as they wish no matter which school they are in. People should be always be highly respected as individuals and treated as such. But there is a big jump if language addressing the entire group at a single gender school which is a choice to attend is changed because less than two percent want to change their pronouns. Again, the world does not revolve around one individual, especially when in this instance this is a choice they made to be in a single gender environment in the first place. I think that at a single gender school it is okay to presume people identify as the gender the school was designed to serve. When a family applies to any of these schools it is all about the value of a girls education (this is touted by all of these schools and there is real truth in their statements imo), so by presenting the school this way in admissions the school community is already making a presumption as to who is interested in applying to the school and who will be admitted (those with “girl parts” need only apply) before one even attends. And I see nothing wrong with that at all. Addressing a *group* of classrooms of students as “girls” is simply a continuous expectation of who attends that was set when the school was founded and continues to this day through the way the school is described and promoted. |
Anonymous
| If this is occurring why haven’t the Heads of the “Girls Schools” which no longer refer to their students as girls informed the parents? Surely they deserve to know. |
Anonymous
| Anyone wonder why we don’t hear from boys schools about this issue? |
Anonymous
Your post ignores the reality most nonbinary or trans kids experience: resistance from their parents. As many of the posts on this board illustrates, many parents refuse to acknowledge that their kids might explore their gender identity for whatever reason. Having taught at a few girls' schools, I can tell you of instances in which students wanted us to call them by a different name, but the parents would contact us and explicitly say we could not do this. They were adamant their kids were cis-gendered and that they should remain at our school. For parents that are more accepting or tolerant, they usually want to keep their kids at girls' schools because they are generally safer places for nonbinary, trans, or students who explore their genders. There's also the fact that these students usually have attended these schools since they were in elementary, and they have forged meaningful, lifelong relationships with other students. Again, I return to my original point: as far as I know, there has never been a discussion about dropping the "girls" part of a "girls' school." It has to do with getting students and adults in the practice of not presuming the gender of anyone they are addressing, especially when they are speaking to large groups. It's the practice of respectfully acknowledging people's identities as they understand them and not making them feel isolated or alienated because of their differences. This is a skill that will help them later in life. Again, as a teacher, I can tell you that the resistance to this is primarily from the parents, not the students. Just remember what it was like for gay students in high school back in the 1970s/1980s, especially parents, who wanted to ban any gay-related reading material from libraries, while most of us high school kids didn't think having that reading material was an issue. What you're seeing on this board is people screaming and hollering as their children drag them into a new age of understanding of gender identity. |
Anonymous
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I think that parents who ignore their child’s requests to acknowledge them as they/them, etc are making a mistake and creating a hurtful situation for their child and eroding family closeness. I do see your point on how people can change post attendance at a single gender school and I think if individual teachers and adults choose to use language other than “girls” when addressing their class or at assembly that is their choice and nothing is wrong with that, obviously.However, I don’t think staff should be instructed to NOT refer to students at a girls school as “girls” when addressing a group as policy in general. I believe that was the original issue and although I feel bad for that very small minority of families who would prefer their child wasn’t trans, and I most definitely feel for that child and hope they can get the support they need to deal with having parents like that, I still think that there is nothing wrong with assuming that students at a single gender school will not be offended by being called that gender as a group by teachers and staff. If I go to a religious school whose mission is religious education and they speak to students as if they all believe in god, if I as a student have decided I’m an atheist I don’t then expect the staff to stop addressing the school as a whole as if all believe in god, since that is the mission of that independent school s as of a main point of how the group identifies. Obviously not the exact thing but my point is an independent school can not be all things to all people, all the time, particularly religious or single gender schools who strive to serve a particular portion of society within their mission statement.
Would a girls school admit a person born as male who goes by she/her? I don’t think so, and they shouldn’t imo. I know a number of families who have trans children and none would opt to keep/or send them in/to a girls school. They all go to coeducational liberal independent schools. There are many out there now. |
Anonymous
Adolescents are incredibly sensitive as it is, and when you add a gender crisis to the mix, they become even moreso. The lesson schools are trying to teach these students is not to presume someone's gender identity based on their appearance. It's about civility, courtesy, and fairness. I guess some people have lines they won't cross when it comes to that; however, as a 30+-year education, I make it a strict practice to refer to students and, more broadly, people using their designated pronouns and not to make any assumptions about them if they haven't told me. |
Anonymous
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Martina Navratilova Dr. Renee Richards Caitlyn Jenner All agree that allowing biological men compete against women is wrong. |
Anonymous
| Regardless of what I think the “right” answer should be, I would celebrate school leaders who listen respectfully to their students’ concerns, encourage critical thinking and thoughtful conversations, and start from a place of empathy. |
Anonymous
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As the mother of a trans female I really appreciate the thoughtful and supportive comments from many of the posters.
As a parent, the struggle that these children experience (how ever it turns out in the long run), really breaks your heart because they’re still the same human being inside. |
Anonymous
| My daughter is at Holton, I'm a pretty involved parent, and I've never heard of any movement like this. I'm not sure if OP is talking about a different school, or if this is another made-up thing about Holton here on DCUM. |
Anonymous
Exactly. Thank you! |
Anonymous
Except that's not what people are discussing here. |