He is too old right?

[Anonymous]

Started getting closer with a mutual friend. We have some basic things in common (divorced, both have toddlers, both work in the same field and both go to the same gym) and have been chit chatting at the gym more and more. He casually asked me to dinner and I said sure, we have yet to set firm plans. I feel attracted to him and knew he was older but after doing some googling (i know i know) found out he is 49 when I was thinking he was like 41....wait for it...im 28. This is a complete no go right? Its gross to think about but he honestly looks younger and acts very young so it didn't really hit me until I looked it up.

[Anonymous]

I don't think so. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

I would go.

[Anonymous]

I would go for it. When I first met my first husband I didn't think he was that much older, we dated and after I had fallen for him like crazy I realized he was 16 years older! I was 20 and he was 36....We got married and he was the most wonderful husband in the world. Loved me and treated me like a queen.

[Anonymous]

the thing is, long term you are going to be taking care of him. My friend's DH just died after a long illness (8 years). omg. It was really tough for her. Her DD is now 11 and her only memories of her dad is sitting in a chair saying 'yes' or 'hun?' or "no" (he had a stroke during bypass surgery)

This caused great financial issues because not only was he not bringing in money but money to take care of him was going out the window.

Meanwhile, her father was dying at the same time. Terrible. She's selling her house now; looking for something small.

I know this is only one scenario but it's very current in my life, watching this unfold, so I want to offer it up as this issue of age does bring with it heightened chances of these sorts of issues. And if you get sick, that's even scarier because there's no guarantee that he'll be around to raise the kids.

[Anonymous]

I have a few friends that have done this. It became an issue when she was 45 and he was 65. A few worked through it a few did not. It's the one time women trade in for a newer model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the thing is, long term you are going to be taking care of him. My friend's DH just died after a long illness (8 years). omg. It was really tough for her. Her DD is now 11 and her only memories of her dad is sitting in a chair saying 'yes' or 'hun?' or "no" (he had a stroke during bypass surgery)

This caused great financial issues because not only was he not bringing in money but money to take care of him was going out the window.

Meanwhile, her father was dying at the same time. Terrible. She's selling her house now; looking for something small.

I know this is only one scenario but it's very current in my life, watching this unfold, so I want to offer it up as this issue of age does bring with it heightened chances of these sorts of issues. And if you get sick, that's even scarier because there's no guarantee that he'll be around to raise the kids.

It is just dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go for it. When I first met my first husband I didn't think he was that much older, we dated and after I had fallen for him like crazy I realized he was 16 years older! I was 20 and he was 36....We got married and he was the most wonderful husband in the world. Loved me and treated me like a queen.

Did he pass away?

[Anonymous]

There is another thread on here about how 16-17 years is the magic age difference.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 9:35, the ones I know that did this and were successful had money of their own, though medical bills can devestate financial stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is, long term you are going to be taking care of him. My friend's DH just died after a long illness (8 years). omg. It was really tough for her. Her DD is now 11 and her only memories of her dad is sitting in a chair saying 'yes' or 'hun?' or "no" (he had a stroke during bypass surgery)

This caused great financial issues because not only was he not bringing in money but money to take care of him was going out the window.

Meanwhile, her father was dying at the same time. Terrible. She's selling her house now; looking for something small.

I know this is only one scenario but it's very current in my life, watching this unfold, so I want to offer it up as this issue of age does bring with it heightened chances of these sorts of issues. And if you get sick, that's even scarier because there's no guarantee that he'll be around to raise the kids.

It is just dinner

OP here...I agree with both these responses! On one hand it is just a dinner out but on the other if it leads to more I am destined to be the care giver throughout my 50s and 60s and then have another 20 plus years alone!

[Anonymous]

He's 10 years from being a retiree. Or 10 years from making plans to be a retiree. How does that sound?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is, long term you are going to be taking care of him. My friend's DH just died after a long illness (8 years). omg. It was really tough for her. Her DD is now 11 and her only memories of her dad is sitting in a chair saying 'yes' or 'hun?' or "no" (he had a stroke during bypass surgery)

This caused great financial issues because not only was he not bringing in money but money to take care of him was going out the window.

Meanwhile, her father was dying at the same time. Terrible. She's selling her house now; looking for something small.

I know this is only one scenario but it's very current in my life, watching this unfold, so I want to offer it up as this issue of age does bring with it heightened chances of these sorts of issues. And if you get sick, that's even scarier because there's no guarantee that he'll be around to raise the kids.

It is just dinner

OP here...I agree with both these responses! On one hand it is just a dinner out but on the other if it leads to more I am destined to be the care giver throughout my 50s and 60s and then have another 20 plus years alone!

LOL well here is the thing. It is NOT just dinner. Everything you do puts you on a trajectory. So after the dinner, it's harder to deviate from that trajectory. So think about when you want to decide about this. Not saying you should decide before the dinner date. But recognize the decision points and decide WHEN you want to decide about this based on how hard it might be.

Sometimes you just want to stick your toe in the river but find yourself get swept downstream. When going downstream, it's a lot harder to get out. That's all I'm saying. So it's good you are thinking about it now.

[Anonymous]

So he's 21 years older than you, and pushing 50 years old. Yeah, I would say that is too old. By the time you hit 40, he'll be in his 60's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go for it. When I first met my first husband I didn't think he was that much older, we dated and after I had fallen for him like crazy I realized he was 16 years older! I was 20 and he was 36....We got married and he was the most wonderful husband in the world. Loved me and treated me like a queen.

Did he pass away?

he did, it was nothing related to his age. It was a car accident. I was 24 when it happened.