He is too old right?

[Anonymous]

Yes I think it's too old. I'm 34 and even I would not be ok with that. Health can be a huge issue. At 49 my dad was healthy as a horse. Now at 57 he's already battled cancer, blood clots on the lung, and just spent two weeks in the hospital with tubes in his chest to drain fluid from pneumonia. Also, older men are more likely to have sexual health issues.

[Anonymous]

I think it is too old. You can find someone closer to your age. It might not make much difference now, but it 10 years, it will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is another thread on here about how 16-17 years is the magic age difference.

The "rule" (which seems pretty good to me, and I have some experience with this) is .5x(your age)+7=<min acceptable age>

So, in your case, it's 31.5 and you are 28. You're on the edge.

My first wife was older - outside the "rule" limits - it did not work out, mostly because of he age difference. We should have just had fun for a couple of years and gone our separate ways. My second wife is a decade younger than I am - well inside "the rule" limits - and we are fine. The whole issue is being at compatible stages of life - what you enjoy doing, what you have the energy, time and money to do, and what your goals are. With my first wife, by the time we'd been married 5-6 years, we were already starting to seriously diverge in ways that caused no end of conflict. Although I am older than my current wife, I'm probably in better shape and come from a family of better longevity - I will likely be the one doing the nursing, not the other way around (one never knows though); we both enjoy doing the exact same things and are at the same "stage" (I got to it a little late due to marriage #1) in terms of starting a family.

You're right on the edge, so it's a judgment call - if you really think he is a "young" 49 - he's in good shape, still enjoys the kinds of activities you do and doesn't seem likely to stop, then you might be OK. Your age split is nearly the same as mine was with my first wife, but the older man, younger woman dynamic tends to work better. I very very strongly advise you to get a good look at his family and see how they hold up. My wife completely "fell apart" physically within that first five years of marriage, much of which was beyond her control.

Also: there is nothing wrong with dating him for a few years and enjoying each other's company, but if you are looking for marriage and kids, I'd move along to someone else. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

I think you should go to dinner. If, after spending some time with him, you decide the age difference is too much...I think that's a valid reason to give for not going out again. I don't think it's mean b/c it's a factual difference and a matter of personal preference.

You cannot predict health issues, and you just never know! I would not personally use that as a predictor. For me, 10 years either way is as far as I've gone in terms of age...but there will always be outliers with both positive and negative stories. What works for one person may be awful to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I think it's too old. I'm 34 and even I would not be ok with that. Health can be a huge issue. At 49 my dad was healthy as a horse. Now at 57 he's already battled cancer, blood clots on the lung, and just spent two weeks in the hospital with tubes in his chest to drain fluid from pneumonia. Also, older men are more likely to have sexual health issues.

Cancer is not a disease of age -- good gravy

[Anonymous]

What do ppl think of the fact that they both have a toddler? That puts you in a similar life stage that may outweigh chronological years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do ppl think of the fact that they both have a toddler? That puts you in a similar life stage that may outweigh chronological years?

Doh! I'm PP at 10:13 and I completely missed this.

Yes, if they both have toddlers, then they are pretty much locked into the same stages...so that's a plus. OTOH, he's old to have a toddler and she better be careful he's not looking for a mother to raise his kid (a riff on the old "nurse to take care of him").

[Anonymous]

If OP has many offers, she is more at liberty to turn this decent, but older, guy down.

If not -- well, as the saying goes, "Beggars can't be that choosy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP has many offers, she is more at liberty to turn this decent, but older, guy down.

If not -- well, as the saying goes, "Beggars can't be that choosy."

LMAO

[Anonymous]

I dated a 50 year old when I was 30. It was a horrible mistake.

I told myself the same things -- he seems younger, he acts younger. And I, too, thought he was younger when we first met.

The problem is that over time, it became very clear that he thought that because he was older and wiser, that he knew best. And no, he didn't act like that at first (or I would have NEVER dated him).

I think the caretaker thing is another thing to take into account. Sure, you could marry someone your own age and still end up caring for them for a number of years. But when you date someone 20 years older, that's pretty much a given.

The entire relationship just felt incredibly uneven. There was also a strange power dynamic that emerged. I never would have predicted it, because like you, I thought he acted younger, et cetera, et cetera.

I wouldn't go on the date. Once you start dating, you will get emotionally attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do ppl think of the fact that they both have a toddler? That puts you in a similar life stage that may outweigh chronological years?

The fact that he has a toddler makes it worse: It means he only dates younger women. It's highly unlikely that at 48, he had a toddler with a woman who was his same age. It sounds like his wife was younger.

And now he's moved on to OP, who is even younger than his wife.

Red flag.

[Anonymous]

meant "he had the toddler with a woman who was his same age."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is too old. You can find someone closer to your age. It might not make much difference now, but it 10 years, it will.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think it depends. I have a lot of friends who are nearing 50 and you'd never know - they seem younger. I'm 41, so those guys are in my dating age range. I did date some older guys when I was in my 20's, but only you can decide if you're cool with it. Some guys who take care of themselves very well look really good into their 50's. Some really do not.

To a point, age is just a number. Will you be embarrassed if you start dating and you have to throw your boyfriend a 50th birthday party? If so, this might be a no-go for you.

[Anonymous]

if your asking, it is too old. If not, go for it. Age is just a number. Although I think it is gross that a 49 year old man is interested in a 28 year old gal. Trophy.