So frustrated with not being able to know my kids grades.....

[Anonymous]

I am the parent and I should be able to see how my child is doing in school. My dd says she is doing well but she won't let me know her exact grades and when I called the university they said they cannot release the grades to me. I get that my daughter is an adult now, but she still lives at home on break and I am still footing the bill for a lot of her necessities. Also, the school doesn't hesitate to call me about bills but they won't let me know my child's grades. This is ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

you tell the little snot that you will pull the plug on paying for anything. What kind of crap is this? Did you get run over by your kids when they were younger?

[Anonymous]

I can understand why your daughter may be keeping things from you. Were you generally overbearing when she was growing up (calling the school to find out her grades indicates this). Perhaps she's trying to assert her independence from you. Are you overly critical of her grades?

Just saying, your daughter probably has a reason she's not telling you and it might do you some good to think about those reasons.

[Anonymous]

wow gee jsut let yoru daughter be who she is. say to hear, you need to maintain xyz as your gp or we are not paying. and back it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand why your daughter may be keeping things from you. Were you generally overbearing when she was growing up (calling the school to find out her grades indicates this). Perhaps she's trying to assert her independence from you. Are you overly critical of her grades?

Just saying, your daughter probably has a reason she's not telling you and it might do you some good to think about those reasons.

I agree. And my parents never knew my exact grades. I told them I was doing well, and that was it. Are you going to micromanage her over a B? Berate her for a C? She is an adult, and while you are paying, you don't own her anymore, and it sounds like she is trying to separate from the kind of parent who would call the school! (By the way, I am college professor and you won't believe how many parents email me about their kids and grades. Let go. Just, let go).

[Anonymous]

This is a power struggle between you and DD, OP. Sure, you can demand to see the report card or stop paying for school, but that seems a bit nuclear. What do you really want from her?

I might approach it this way:
"DD, I don't need to see your individual grades but I do want to know that you are keeping your GPA above a 3.0. Any average under that and we, your parents, don't think paying for school is worth it. Please expect to show me your GPA every semester."

[Anonymous]

I have a college senior, a college junior, and a college freshman. All are adults. It never in a million years occurred to me to call the university and ask for their grades. Seriously? I've heard college professors joke about parents who did that, but I guess I thought they were mostly kidding.

[Anonymous]

You and your daughter need to complete the Family Education Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) form. The form must be signed by parent and student. You will then have access to her grades. Request the form from the admissions office.

[Anonymous]

NP here.
OP, PLEEEEAAAASSSE!

This young woman is in college and not your kid anymore. Calling the school to find out her grades and actually expecting them to kowtow to you because you pay her tuition are indications that something is off with YOU.

You need to get a grip. You sound like you were an overbearing mother. One of those people who needs to control others. At this point her grades and life are her business. If she chooses to share them with you, great! If not, there's nothing you can do except accept that you're not the boss of anyone except yourself. If you choose to stop paying her tuition because of that truth, that's on you.

I can only imagine what a PITA mother you were when she was in elementary through HS.

LET.IT.Go.

[Anonymous]

If I'm footing the bill, I absolutely want to know the grades. At least freshman/sophomore year. And kids who don't want to show them have usually screwed up and/or underperformed.

I won't berate you for doing bad. But I will NOT blindly pay for you failing/withdrawing from classes. If you want to be an adult, then be one fully and pay for your own schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent and I should be able to see how my child is doing in school. My dd says she is doing well but she won't let me know her exact grades and when I called the university they said they cannot release the grades to me. I get that my daughter is an adult now, but she still lives at home on break and I am still footing the bill for a lot of her necessities. Also, the school doesn't hesitate to call me about bills but they won't let me know my child's grades. This is ridiculous!

What exactly are you paying for, OP? What are the "necessities?" Because if you're not paying for school, it's not your business anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it's reasonable to want to see your child's grade when you're paying the bills.

However, that's between you and your child. She is the one who is concealing things from you. The school's policy is not to hand out grades to anyone not the student, period. That includes you, your neighbor, me and the lady across the hall from me.

Be mad as you can be. Just be mad at your lying child, not the school she's lying about.

[Anonymous]

OP - I understand wanting to know how your child is doing so that you can support him/her. When my children go to college over the next few years I certainly hope to know how they are doing - academically, emotionally and socially. As they are growing up and gaining more and independence I want to guide them and help gather the tools necessary to be successful (whatever that means to them individually). It's what parents should do. We want to set our kids up for success.

However...it sounds like you want to know the grades for your own satisfaction of knowing and, possibly, throwing it in your DD's face. As other PP's have said you sound controlling and overbearing. If your DD is refusing to share her grades with you it is clearly due to the relationship that has been formed between the two of you - don't blame the university and its policies. Has your DD given you reasons not to trust her in the past? What year is she? How did she do in H.S.? If she has always done pretty well then you should probably give her a break and trust her. If she has a history of problems then the conversation should be different, but you still need to evaluate the way you speak with her and how it affects your relationship. From this very limited perspective you've given us it doesn't sound very healthy...

[Anonymous]

she is failing

[Anonymous]

My parents always insisted on know. If they were paying, they have the right to know. I would tell your daughter either give you access every few weeks or she loses her mom/dad scholarship and if she does not want to be accountable, she needs to find a way to pay for next semester herself as that is what adults who do not want accountability do.