I want to go home.

[Anonymous]

I am from the West coast. I have no family or friends in NOVA. The only reason I'm here is this is where my wife is from. I've been here for almost 2 years and there are days where I feel like it's make or break time.

In the time I've been here I have only heard bad news about those back at home. My best friend was diagnosed with Cancer. There have been 3 deaths. One cousin went missing then was found dead 3 months later. Several "stable" relationships are now over or well on their way. The same best friend with cancer has now gone off the deep end since really what DOES it matter?!

Then a few weeks ago I found out one of my cousins who is just a few years older than me was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had 6 months left. My cousin and I are far from close, but we grew up together and my heart hurt for him, his 3 baby girls, and his parents. As a parent myself, I cannot imagine knowing I'm going to be lose my child.

Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom. She was being admitted to the hospital for a blood clot.

Today my mom sent me a message saying that cousin's cancer has moved into his brain. He is now down to weeks.

I'm devastated. I feel like I need to be "home" with my family as they go through these things. However, as I parent I can't uproot my child from his school or take him from his other parent. I can't leave my job...

I feel so helpless. I miss them all so much and what if something goes terribly wrong and I never see my mom again

[Anonymous]

Can you visit for a week or two?

[Anonymous]

Go. Take a long weekend, get a flight and go. Be there for a little. Do something nice for your mom. Say goodbye to your cousin.

I have lived long-distance from my family for some time now, and sometimes this is just what you need to do.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry that you are going through all of this. I hope you are able to visit your Mom.

[Anonymous]

Go home for a week or long weekend. Your perspective may shift after you see everyone, talk to them, get a better sense of the situation etc. Once you have a better feel for it, then you can make decisions.

[Anonymous]

++ go home and visit for a week, or a long weekend, or whatever you can arrange. See your mom, cousin, friends. I also live long distance from my family but sometimes you have to plan a trip on short notice. When mom or dad (now elderly) had major surgery unexpectedly I'd fly out for a week or so. Fortunately sibling/other relatives are nearby to help when I'm half a country away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from the West coast. I have no family or friends in NOVA. The only reason I'm here is this is where my wife is from. I've been here for almost 2 years and there are days where I feel like it's make or break time.

In the time I've been here I have only heard bad news about those back at home. My best friend was diagnosed with Cancer. There have been 3 deaths. One cousin went missing then was found dead 3 months later. Several "stable" relationships are now over or well on their way. The same best friend with cancer has now gone off the deep end since really what DOES it matter?!

Then a few weeks ago I found out one of my cousins who is just a few years older than me was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had 6 months left. My cousin and I are far from close, but we grew up together and my heart hurt for him, his 3 baby girls, and his parents. As a parent myself, I cannot imagine knowing I'm going to be lose my child.

Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom. She was being admitted to the hospital for a blood clot.

Today my mom sent me a message saying that cousin's cancer has moved into his brain. He is now down to weeks.

I'm devastated. I feel like I need to be "home" with my family as they go through these things. However, as I parent I can't uproot my child from his school or take him from his other parent. I can't leave my job...

I feel so helpless. I miss them all so much and what if something goes terribly wrong and I never see my mom again

This is difficult since moving would require your wife to be separated from her family. Is there a way to visit more often?

Also, what have you done to make freidns and establish roots here? If you always thought you would go back out west you may be sabatoging yourself here and not being open to new relationships. Do you and your wife belong to a faith community? Do you have children? If so what ages? What are your interests? Ther are many clubs here to investigate and become involved. It takes work and you have to put yourself out there and it won't happen overnight. Good Luck

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

you do need to go home. sorry - it is the worst being so far away and feeling so helpless and disconnected. I cant imagine what wife would object!!

[Anonymous]

We did 5 years living near my spouse's parents and now we live near mine. We are both happy. And we are staying flexible in case there is another move too. It's nice to be near family and it's nice to take turns.

[Anonymous]

My husband went to visit his family two days after Christmas and stayed 4 days. It was my idea. I told him he might not have another chance again so now was the time. My only request was he call me when he got there and call when he was ready to leave.

He needed to do that. You need to go see your family too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband went to visit his family two days after Christmas and stayed 4 days. It was my idea. I told him he might not have another chance again so now was the time. My only request was he call me when he got there and call when he was ready to leave.

He needed to do that. You need to go see your family too.

This. My MIL is not going to be around much longer due to cancer that has spread. She lives 7 hours away. I send my husband up to help out. The only good thing is that his siblings still live near the mom so she has constant care. We pay for anything she wants to make her feel better.

[Anonymous]

You need to keep in mind that you would not have been able to keep your cousin from going missing or winding up dead, from friends marriages imploding, etc.

If you want to go visit to hold your mom's hand and fuss over her while she's scared then go do that. If you want to go to say goodbye to your cousin whose got weeks to live then go do that.

But just go in with clear eyes. You can not save all these people. Go to be a comfort to them, to distract from pain, to run errands, etc.

[Anonymous]

My father was given a week to live the day before Thanksgiving. I made the trip home and called work on Friday to say I was taking FMLA until things were done. I spent a month at home. I felt so much better after having some time with my family. I couldn't have handled my dad dying and the weeks immediately following from so far away. You need to go back.