Wife driving me insane
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Anonymous
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I'm holding a toy, DD runs at me and grabs it saying "that's mine". I stop her and say she can have it but ask nicely. She doesn't and hits me, so I put the toy away. She starts crying and DW says "that toy is going into storage, leave it in the bag". DD has a temper tantrum and starts screaming - then runs towards the bag - I repeat "Mommy said leave it there" .. And DD ignores us and pulls it out. After which, DW says "okay you can have it"...
And this happens fucking constantly. In the mean time my kid won't do anything but whine and cry constantly when she doesn't get what she wants. I tried to tell DW that she's just validating the behavior and she won't listen at all. Every time. Pick your battles and all sure, but shit, you've got to stand your ground sometimes. So. Fucking. Sick. Of. It. |
Anonymous
| That would drive me crazy as well. Can't you tell your wife, "NO, it stays in the bag bc DD hit me and that is NOT acceptable" and move the bag out of her reach |
Anonymous
| Why not just swat the kid? |
Anonymous
+100 And then have a conversation when both you and DW and you are calm and alone. Agree on 3 things - 1) You will present a united front in front of kids and will not argue in front of them at all. If one parent says "NO" then it is a "NO" from the other parent too. Always ask "What did mommy/daddy say?" 2) What behavior is to be corrected, punished, ignored. (In my house kids can eat in front of the TV in the family room - this will NOT fly in my brother's house. Everyone eats in the kitchen or the dining room - there are lots of great reasons to do that - yet it does not bother me when kids meander from one room to another snacking or eating) 3) Don't negotiate on bad behavior, don't change what you have said. So don't say "no" but change it in a few minutes when they start whining. RECOGNIZE - you and your spouse have been raised in different households. You both react in few ways - 1) Your own emotional triggers (I do not care if kids eat dessert first - growing up we had to finish our meals and the dessert was sort of a "reward") and 2) What YOU think is important (My DH froths when kids watch TV. He does not care if it is educational or entertainment) Best of luck. Do not raise a brat. Learn to say "no" to her now and you will teach her that the world does not revolve around her. She will then grow up to have healthy relationships with her own spouse and children and other people in her life. |
Anonymous
| As stated before, have a convo with DW. As the kid ges older, they will learn to manipulate you two against each other for their own gain. Teenagers are not nice people and they will only drive you two further apart if there are chinks in your armor. Fix them before they become gaping holes. |
Anonymous
I see that it can teach the kid a few things - 1) Someone can do the same to her 2) It hurts to be hit However it can also reinforce - 1) It is ok to hit 2) It is better to hit those who are weaker than you. I have spanked my kids when they were growing up. Only after warnings and when they were testing boundaries (I do not care if I am flamed...I have entirely dedicated my life and time around raising my kids and I know that some healthy fear of authority and rules/regulations will help them!). And after each spanking - it was discussed and they were hugged. They know I will carry through on my warning. Now my kids are taller and bigger than me - there is no way I can spank them. They are on the straight and narrow because they know what is acceptable and what is not. If you spank then that punishment cannot happen in anger or you lost control or without warning. |
Anonymous
This is good advice, but I think OP knows this. The problem seems to be with his wife's enforcement. OP, FWIW, my DH tells me sometimes that I do things like this, that "my word with the kids isn't strong enough," etc. My friends and I all agree that our (slightly older) kids listen more to our husbands than they do to us, and I know this is why. You are going to have to work this out with your wife. A therapist, minister or parent consultant may be able to help, if that is needed. The bottom line is, she cannot undermine you when you set limits on your DD. If you are enforcing something, she has to back you up -- not give in to the whining and crying as she did in this example. That may be the first step. If you can get her to agree with that, the next step is having her enforce discipline on her own. l |
Anonymous
Oh absolutely. And they are great at identifying rifts or differences in opinion that exists between parents. DH and I are constantly doing grocery runs together, so that we can have private conversations in the car regarding our kids (away from prying ears). Infact that is our code that means that we need to discuss the kids. Every night is a debriefing for the both of us about what is going on with the kids. If one person is the softie (my DH!) and the other is more strict (me) - then also agree that who has the final say (me- because I am privy to the minutia of the DCs lives much more than DH is - I usually know the back story!) In the end - parents who are united and have set the boundaries are essential for the emotional health and growth of the kids. You owe it to your kids to raise them to have EQ and boundaries and you owe it to yourself to have a strong marriage via a strong parenting partnership. |
Anonymous
| I have a similar problem - my husband makes ridiculous, out of proportion and completely idle threats. Never follows through on anything. Also drives me insane. |
Anonymous
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I don't get it. OP, why didn't you get up and put the toy/bag out of reach. Wife agreed that it will go up. You two were on the same page. Daughter grabs the bag, you get up, take the bag and say, mommy and daddy said no, then place the bag somewhere. Wife probably said fuck it because your ass is all talk but no action.
It would also help if you say how old the child is |
Anonymous
| OP, are you a man or woman? |
Anonymous
Please. Do you really have to ask? |
Anonymous
OP has a wife so, yes, OP is a man or a woman. |
Anonymous
Because obviously OP agrees with many of us that physical violence should be avoided. |
Anonymous
Thank you, Miss PC. OP also specifically uses the term "mommy" in the post. Do you find that vague/ offensive as well? |