Wife driving me insane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. OP, why didn't you get up and put the toy/bag out of reach. Wife agreed that it will go up. You two were on the same page. Daughter grabs the bag, you get up, take the bag and say, mommy and daddy said no, then place the bag somewhere. Wife probably said fuck it because your ass is all talk but no action.

It would also help if you say how old the child is

So it's the man's fault the woman caves in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That would drive me crazy as well. Can't you tell your wife, "NO, it stays in the bag bc DD hit me and that is NOT acceptable" and move the bag out of her reach

+100

And then have a conversation when both you and DW and you are calm and alone.

Agree on 3 things -
1) You will present a united front in front of kids and will not argue in front of them at all. If one parent says "NO" then it is a "NO" from the other parent too. Always ask "What did mommy/daddy say?"
2) What behavior is to be corrected, punished, ignored. (In my house kids can eat in front of the TV in the family room - this will NOT fly in my brother's house. Everyone eats in the kitchen or the dining room - there are lots of great reasons to do that - yet it does not bother me when kids meander from one room to another snacking or eating)
3) Don't negotiate on bad behavior, don't change what you have said. So don't say "no" but change it in a few minutes when they start whining.


RECOGNIZE - you and your spouse have been raised in different households. You both react in few ways - 1) Your own emotional triggers (I do not care if kids eat dessert first - growing up we had to finish our meals and the dessert was sort of a "reward") and 2) What YOU think is important (My DH froths when kids watch TV. He does not care if it is educational or entertainment)

Best of luck.

Do not raise a brat. Learn to say "no" to her now and you will teach her that the world does not revolve around her. She will then grow up to have healthy relationships with her own spouse and children and other people in her life.

+1. This will impact your marriage if one parent is undermining the other ...you are both equally the parent and need to back each other up. If calm discussions after the fact can't get you there maybe look into jointly taking positive parenting classes and discuss which things you both are willing to try.

Very important to recognize how you were each raised and what parenting techniques you are replicating or avoiding from your childhood and why. DH and I are still finding our way because our kids are different from our personalities, our parents raised us differently (mine were strict, his not as strict also all girls versus all boys) and there are certain parenting things I wanted to do differently from my parents so I have no example to fall back on. I love that we both are willing to be flexible and listen to each other and get outside help if needed to resolve various parenting issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. OP, why didn't you get up and put the toy/bag out of reach. Wife agreed that it will go up. You two were on the same page. Daughter grabs the bag, you get up, take the bag and say, mommy and daddy said no, then place the bag somewhere. Wife probably said fuck it because your ass is all talk but no action.

It would also help if you say how old the child is

So it's the man's fault the woman caves in?

He technically gave in when he didn't have the balls to override his wife in making decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Agree on 3 things -
1) You will present a united front in front of kids and will not argue in front of them at all. If one parent says "NO" then it is a "NO" from the other parent too. Always ask "What did mommy/daddy say?"
2) What behavior is to be corrected, punished, ignored. (In my house kids can eat in front of the TV in the family room - this will NOT fly in my brother's house. Everyone eats in the kitchen or the dining room - there are lots of great reasons to do that - yet it does not bother me when kids meander from one room to another snacking or eating)
3) Don't negotiate on bad behavior, don't change what you have said. So don't say "no" but change it in a few minutes when they start whining.


RECOGNIZE - you and your spouse have been raised in different households. You both react in few ways - 1) Your own emotional triggers (I do not care if kids eat dessert first - growing up we had to finish our meals and the dessert was sort of a "reward") and 2) What YOU think is important (My DH froths when kids watch TV. He does not care if it is educational or entertainment)

Best of luck.

Do not raise a brat. Learn to say "no" to her now and you will teach her that the world does not revolve around her. She will then grow up to have healthy relationships with her own spouse and children and other people in her life.

All good except the "united front" - not sustainable in my experience. Better: whoever was handling the dispute, handle it. Spouse should not have to endorse the consequence, merely not contradict it. It's an important distinction, particularly as the child gets older and plays one off against the other. We ask, "have you already asked your father? then you have your answer."