I don't understand the women who say "you are running out of time"

[Anonymous]

I am a man. I read through these threads and constantly see references by women to other women regarding dating and marriage telling other women "you are running out of time." Let me tell you something, there are guys out there and no woman who is smart, funny and attractive is "running out of time." I am 47. I am head over heels in love with a beautiful, smart and funny 44 year old woman. So, it just goes to show you that there is time. You just need to find happiness where you are.

And before jumps up and starts yelling about kids, etc., said woman and I are divorced with grown kids of our own. So, that is not in the picture.

Be a real, down to earth person who is genuinely interested in another human being. If all you want is a sperm donor, then go to a sperm bank!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just need to find happiness where you are.

This is my advice. Focus on the present and your interests and, lo and behold, you become more attractive to others.

I'm an older DH who didn't get married until my 40's. I was resigned to possibly remaining single. Once I stopped "looking," DW appeared out of the blue. Not that everyone has to be married -- if I had remained single, fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure the references are for women who do not yet have children but have expressed wanting to have them, most likely biologically. Single moms by choice is, of course, an alternative route as you suggest, but the challenges such a choice entail can be daunting.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure that a woman with grown kids looking for a second marriage would not frame her problem as one of running out of time. However, this is how a 38 year old woman who has never been married is very likely to feel. These are two very different scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure that a woman with grown kids looking for a second marriage would not frame her problem as one of running out of time. However, this is how a 38 year old woman who has never been married is very likely to feel. These are two very different scenarios.

+1. Yep, that phrase is pretty much just about having a family with your biological children. Plenty of 70 and 80 year olds find love in the old folks' homes.

[Anonymous]

Definitely has to do with the ability to have kids. I'm 42 and married and we haven't been able to have them-- I completely feel like I'm running out of time. Someone who isn't married would feel this way even stronger, I'm sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure the references are for women who do not yet have children but have expressed wanting to have them, most likely biologically. Single moms by choice is, of course, an alternative route as you suggest, but the challenges such a choice entail can be daunting.

+1 two different scenarios.

BUT your input is relevant to the thread about not wanting to date women in their 40s.
I think there was one vitriolic male poster going in and on about how women in their 40's have no "market value".
Whereas IRL it has not been an issue for my friends - at all.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I agree, OP, thanks for the post. I have friends that think the window of opportunity for love closes at a certain date (see the "I don't want to date a woman over 40" thread) and you are right, that is a myth. There is no time limit to meet someone and be happy. But there is a time limit for kids, though.

[Anonymous]

I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

Yes, 30yo is young, but realistically, it can take 5 years or more from the time you meet someone to when you're having kids with them. That's dating for 2 years, getting engaged, getting married, starting to try to conceive, etc. I'm 36 and tell my friends in their early 30s to start taking dating seriously now.

Once you pass 35yo or so, you start to have to make more calculated decisions about who you're dating, how you let a relationship progress, what you'll put up with, etc., in order to increase your chances to have kids with someone. I've seen several friends (plus myself) end up with people who are "good enough" in terms of compatibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man. I read through these threads and constantly see references by women to other women regarding dating and marriage telling other women "you are running out of time." Let me tell you something, there are guys out there and no woman who is smart, funny and attractive is "running out of time." I am 47. I am head over heels in love with a beautiful, smart and funny 44 year old woman. So, it just goes to show you that there is time. You just need to find happiness where you are.

And before jumps up and starts yelling about kids, etc., said woman and I are divorced with grown kids of our own. So, that is not in the picture.

Be a real, down to earth person who is genuinely interested in another human being. If all you want is a sperm donor, then go to a sperm bank!

Its not in the picture for you but it is in fact in the picture for women to whom 'running out of time' advice is given. And that advice is usually given women in their thirties sometimes late twenties, not women in their forties and fifties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Whatever one does, there is in fact an urgency in having children. DE or adoption can help a little, but most people want to have children before they are say 43-44, regardless of the method.