I don't understand the women who say "you are running out of time"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

Adoptions aren't for everyone, as you demonstrate with this comment. May the child in need who might have gone to you find a loving home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

I don't understand this last statement. How are men being unfair by not recognizing the limits of the biological clock? I think most men are aware of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

I can;t see how the issue is with men. Women, as we see rather frequently on these threads often have unrealistic expectations of what they want - or don't really know what they want. Many seem to not to have gotten through 'the bad boy' stage of their life and wonder why the good guys are all gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

I don't understand this last statement. How are men being unfair by not recognizing the limits of the biological clock? I think most men are aware of it.

I mean they are unfair to act like a woman is being "crazy" if she is getting anxious about her biological clock when dating. Plenty of late 30s guys still just want to screw around and act like a late 30s woman has something wrong with her if she tries to assess whether they are serious or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

I don't understand this last statement. How are men being unfair by not recognizing the limits of the biological clock? I think most men are aware of it.

I mean they are unfair to act like a woman is being "crazy" if she is getting anxious about her biological clock when dating. Plenty of late 30s guys still just want to screw around and act like a late 30s woman has something wrong with her if she tries to assess whether they are serious or not.

that may be but last time I checked, a woman still has a choice who she dates and sleeps with - and if women make a bad decision or choose to date jerks and assholes, why are they absolved of pesonal responsibility for the outcome of their own life?

[Anonymous]

OP, you leave me with no choice but to think you are being deliberately obtuse.

I've never heard a woman say she is running out of time unless she is referring to having children. Adoption isn't the easy route you seem to think, and further, some might want a family, and a partner to parent with, not just a sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

Adoptions aren't for everyone, as you demonstrate with this comment. May the child in need who might have gone to you find a loving home.

Why the need for snark? PP is absolutely correct. Adoption isn't a panacea and it shouldn't be presented as such. A true adoption advocate knows this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

I don't understand this last statement. How are men being unfair by not recognizing the limits of the biological clock? I think most men are aware of it.

I mean they are unfair to act like a woman is being "crazy" if she is getting anxious about her biological clock when dating. Plenty of late 30s guys still just want to screw around and act like a late 30s woman has something wrong with her if she tries to assess whether they are serious or not.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to make a bad choice, but in the experience of this late 30s guy who doesn't want to screw around, this has not been the case, so I have to question the criteria being used for these assessments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I agree, OP, thanks for the post. I have friends that think the window of opportunity for love closes at a certain date (see the "I don't want to date a woman over 40" thread) and you are right, that is a myth. There is no time limit to meet someone and be happy. But there is a time limit for kids, though. [/quote

Yes, but I think the goal should be finding a man or woman whom you genuinely love, whom you can see yourself spending your entire life with and growing old. If you both want kids, great! If you don't or can't have them, you can still be happy. Remember, if you want and are fortunate enough to have kids they are preprogrammed to leave you at a certain age. You will then be left with your spouse. You better want to be with them for the next 2- - 30 years!

This board seems so full of people who married the wrong spouse. I bet a lot of them were pressing for one to meet that biological deadline, and not necessarily someone who makes them happy!

[Anonymous]

Actually, when I was dating in my late thirties -- got married at 41 -- I found that men tended to overblow the whole biological clock thing way out of proportion. They made the "running out of time" reference more than 50% of the time. I found it quite obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

At 41 you ARE running out of time biologically. I'm experiencing this myself so let me tell you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure the references are for women who do not yet have children but have expressed wanting to have them, most likely biologically. Single moms by choice is, of course, an alternative route as you suggest, but the challenges such a choice entail can be daunting.

Not to mention that many of us consider it to be the wrong choice for a child, from a moral perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

Adoptions aren't for everyone, as you demonstrate with this comment. May the child in need who might have gone to you find a loving home.

That's a strange comment. Even if you are pursuing adoption purely out of a desire to save a "child in need" (and not because you really want to parent a child), you still have to accept the reality of the costs, time, and often interim heartbreak involved.

[Anonymous]

There is a perception that the prettiest girls with the most options waste a bunch of their 20s dating assholes who may be fun but are clearly not good long term prospects. With that premise there is schadenfreude that they are running out of time. They could have "locked in" a good guy in their early/mid 20s if they hadn't been so frivolous in their dating choices.

I've been out of the dating scene for 20 years, so I don't know if that perception has any basis in reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption is an alternative route if having kids is the urgency.

Adoptions take years and tens of thousands of dollars to complete a successful one. Your chances of being chosen and being able to afford an adoption are lower if you're single.

I hate it when uninformed people make adoption sound like the panacea for women who are having trouble having biological kids because of age, fertility, relationships (or lack thereof), etc.

I got beyond lucky (single, 40's) and was picked by a birth mom in less than a year of beginning the adoption process. I am an exception.