I don't understand the women who say "you are running out of time"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

Yes, 30yo is young, but realistically, it can take 5 years or more from the time you meet someone to when you're having kids with them. That's dating for 2 years, getting engaged, getting married, starting to try to conceive, etc. I'm 36 and tell my friends in their early 30s to start taking dating seriously now.

Once you pass 35yo or so, you start to have to make more calculated decisions about who you're dating, how you let a relationship progress, what you'll put up with, etc., in order to increase your chances to have kids with someone. I've seen several friends (plus myself) end up with people who are "good enough" in terms of compatibility.

Your friends should have been taking dating seriously for the past five years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think fertility concerns can be overblown - a 30 year old should not be panicking. But let's be serious - a woman who really wants a child is running out of time as she gets into her late 30s with no spouse. It is unfair for men not to recognize this.

Yes, 30yo is young, but realistically, it can take 5 years or more from the time you meet someone to when you're having kids with them. That's dating for 2 years, getting engaged, getting married, starting to try to conceive, etc. I'm 36 and tell my friends in their early 30s to start taking dating seriously now.

Once you pass 35yo or so, you start to have to make more calculated decisions about who you're dating, how you let a relationship progress, what you'll put up with, etc., in order to increase your chances to have kids with someone. I've seen several friends (plus myself) end up with people who are "good enough" in terms of compatibility.

Yes!! I met my husband when I was 27 and we weren't able to have our first child until I was 34.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a perception that the prettiest girls with the most options waste a bunch of their 20s dating assholes who may be fun but are clearly not good long term prospects. With that premise there is schadenfreude that they are running out of time. They could have "locked in" a good guy in their early/mid 20s if they hadn't been so frivolous in their dating choices.

I've been out of the dating scene for 20 years, so I don't know if that perception has any basis in reality.

Its not just the prettiest girls. If anything, its the slightly above average girls that are slutting around until 30 instead of dating the guy who would actually commit to them.

[Anonymous]

What good is it pointing fingers at others? Not everyone is right for everyone else, and plenty of people would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't "do it" for them. People aren't always single because they did something wrong, to say that that's always true is silly. Life just happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What good is it pointing fingers at others? Not everyone is right for everyone else, and plenty of people would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't "do it" for them. People aren't always single because they did something wrong, to say that that's always true is silly. Life just happens.

No, but they are often single for longer than they want to be because they are immature and make stupid decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a perception that the prettiest girls with the most options waste a bunch of their 20s dating assholes who may be fun but are clearly not good long term prospects. With that premise there is schadenfreude that they are running out of time. They could have "locked in" a good guy in their early/mid 20s if they hadn't been so frivolous in their dating choices.

I've been out of the dating scene for 20 years, so I don't know if that perception has any basis in reality.

Its not just the prettiest girls. If anything, its the slightly above average girls that are slutting around until 30 instead of dating the guy who would actually commit to them.

No, the above average but below perfect are the first to get married. You have research on this in the book "marry him".

[Anonymous]

What counts as a "stupid mistake" to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "stupid mistake" to you?

I believe PP's phrase was "stupid decision." I would guess that dating bad boys because they make you tingly (instead of a decent guy who was maybe somewhat less attractive or less of an attention seeker) is one of the stupid decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What counts as a "stupid mistake" to you?

I believe PP's phrase was "stupid decision." I would guess that dating bad boys because they make you tingly (instead of a decent guy who was maybe somewhat less attractive or less of an attention seeker) is one of the stupid decisions.

16:52 here. Thank you; that is indeed what I meant. Stupid, immature acts among singles in the dating scene are rampant; I know because I was guilty of them myself for many years. This is one good example. Another is investing too much time in people who aren't really available, either emotionally or literally.

[Anonymous]

Sorry boys. The hotties you couldn't bed in your 20s still don't want to bed your ass in your 40s, despite your income. Times have changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry boys. The hotties you couldn't bed in your 20s still don't want to bed your ass in your 40s, despite your income. Times have changed.

Those hotties are now in their 40s too and are no longer hot. Plus, they are single and desperate. They usually come calling. Were you one of them?

[Anonymous]

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside...

My gift is my song, yeah, and this is one is for you...

[Anonymous]

First, I think most women are ready to settle down if they meet the right guy by 25, and some earlier.

Second, we feel like we are running out of time because: 1) our biological clocks are ticking 2) even if we are ok not having kids, we know that men find us less desirable as we age and 3) we may not want to be step moms. I just don't think I would be a good stepmom and many men over 40 have kids.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think the point is that, often enough, they probably do meet the right guy by age 25. They just consistently choose the wrong guy who is flashier.

It's like eating junk food for 10 years then complaining that you don't feel very good. The delicious veggies were there all along.

[Anonymous]

Maybe, but some of us didn't meet the right guy until we were 35 and we weren't whoring around.