You host family for dinner, who helps with the dishes?
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Anonymous
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My in laws are staying with us this week. I'm cooking every night. Dinner is over and if my SIL is also here she helps. BIL sometimes helps and my dh always helps. Fil and mil barely even clear their plates. Mil brought one cup in from the table and left the last 3 cups on the table and went to read. I don't expect that everyone should help, but I'm just annoyed that mil especially doesn't even offer. When I ask myself why I care, I come up with two reasons. One because if I'm at anyone's house I always offer to help with the dishes no matter who it is. And two because she knows how tiring it is to raise young children.
My mother (who isn't here now) would help and she would probably tell me to sit down and not do it myself. At MILs house I always help cook and do the dishes, which she says she appreciates. It's not important enough to me to talk to her about it (just important enough for me to post anonymously here) but I'm now curious what happens in other families. |
Anonymous
| Your MIL sounds annoying. |
Anonymous
Yeah she kind of is. And then she's fine in other ways. She comes off as passive aggressive sometimes and sweet as pie others. I guess a tandem question could be--if you're all heading out somewhere would your MIL help with getting your kids' shoes on? Again, not her job, but when dh asked her to help she said with a laugh "I already did my parenting time, now I get to be grandma" (meaning she doesn't have to help. And she wonders why we don't want to live closer! She really doesn't get it. |
Anonymous
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She should offer and she is being rude and taking you for granted.
However, Its your MIL and its only a week...do your best to suck it up for the sake of family harmony. |
Anonymous
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I hate when others interfer, my cousin once insisted on hand (towel) drying everything and ended up putting plates away with puddles.
New topic, but when a host has to repeat themselves and say they do not need help, you become the rude one that doesn't listen. |
Anonymous
| Older people should not be asked to help clean up. I always tell all the grandparents to go relax while DH and I clean up. |
Anonymous
How old are the grandparents? |
Anonymous
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Tell them to stay at a hotel. If they MUST stay at your house, tell DH to suggest to them to invite your family out to a restaurant for at least one night and to spring for chinese or pizza delivery at least one night.
You are neither made, cook, concierge or hotelier. You're the hostess, not a servant. Don't be a martyr. Make your needs clear now. While you're at it, order yourself a new DW as an Xmas gift. |
Anonymous
| Why are you only focusing on your MIL and giving your FIL a pass? He should help out too. |
Anonymous
| MIL probably figures she did her time and now it's her turn to relax. Just a guess. |
Anonymous
| When these people help, do you fuss at how they do it? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they want to be guests, not family. I'd try to let it go, OP. |
Anonymous
| PP here. Meant to say that while heir behavior is very annoying, I'd let it go. |
Anonymous
OP here, not at all. When she does pitch in on occasion I'm very grateful, genuinely. BIL put clean dishes away this weekend and put some wrong and I didn't say a word. Fil doesn't lift a dish in his own house so it would be earth shattering to have him clear a dish here. That said he's very handy and has fixed a lot around our house with dh this weekend and yes, I'm very grateful and have expressed that to him. The pp who said she did her time, I think you hit it on the nose. I wonder if her mother was doted on when mil was a young mother and so she expects the same treatment? Honestly I am letting it go (it used to irritate me a lot more when my kids were babies and not preschoolers and I desperately needed the help). Hotel stay isn't an option. And if she offered I would probably tell her to sit and relax. Still curious how it works in others' houses! |
Anonymous
| In my house, MIL generally cleaned the kitchen after meals. At least until she got dementia. |