dating in my 40s

[Anonymous]

single with a child. long relationship just ended. trying to get over it. really miss the companionship. trying to date...been on match, okcupid. met 8 men so far. nothing clicked yet. trying to be more open minded and agreed to go on a second date with someone i met two weeks ago. thought it was ok but had a hard time really seeing it...still do so expectation not too high.

i know it's sort of a numbers game....but will be hard to keep this up if i meet 20 men and still nothing clicks. it's not unpleasant to meet for coffee/drink exactly...but it's sort of exhausting and just kind of disappointing. a few times i really liked the men on email. different in person, which is why i always push to meet fairly quickly. also hard to carve out time with a child.

how long does this take people? i know if i meet someone i really like it will be worth it...but feeling rather discouraged now. probably will take a break for the holidays...but also depressing to head into the holidays alone!

[Anonymous]

Do the it's just lunch thing and meet up

[Anonymous]

Heard the lunch thing isn't very good. Have people heard otherwise?

[Anonymous]

I haven't done it myself, but I've had friends who've had awful experiences with It's Just Lunch, just wanted to flag that.

As far as being single over the holidays, I am also single with a child, and maybe it's because I've been single for a few holiday seasons, but, like any time of the year, it's what you make of it. Try to enjoy this time of not being partnered to do things that you want to do, that perhaps your former partner wasn't keen on, whether that be eating peppermint bark for breakfast (no? just me?), getting cheap tickets to the Nutcracker, walking around Zoolights, or sitting at home watching Love Actually and Rudolph on repeat. I'd spent holiday seasons single at different times before my child was born, and it seems easier with a child, because so many holiday things are geared toward children. Good luck, OP, and happy holidays.

[Anonymous]

Ha, 18:34, I was still typing when you posted that. I've heard the same thing.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hate to point this out when you're down, but you're sounding a little desperate. I'm wondering if that is part of your problem, or perhaps just sadness over relationship ending? If so, maybe you're not ready to be dating again yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to point this out when you're down, but you're sounding a little desperate. I'm wondering if that is part of your problem, or perhaps just sadness over relationship ending? If so, maybe you're not ready to be dating again yet.

OP
You might be right. Might still be too sad about relationship ending. Will at least take a break over the holidays and see what I feel like in January.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:single with a child. long relationship just ended. trying to get over it. really miss the companionship. trying to date...been on match, okcupid. met 8 men so far. nothing clicked yet. trying to be more open minded and agreed to go on a second date with someone i met two weeks ago. thought it was ok but had a hard time really seeing it...still do so expectation not too high.

i know it's sort of a numbers game....but will be hard to keep this up if i meet 20 men and still nothing clicks. it's not unpleasant to meet for coffee/drink exactly...but it's sort of exhausting and just kind of disappointing. a few times i really liked the men on email. different in person, which is why i always push to meet fairly quickly. also hard to carve out time with a child.

how long does this take people? i know if i meet someone i really like it will be worth it...but feeling rather discouraged now. probably will take a break for the holidays...but also depressing to head into the holidays alone!

But you're not alone. You have a child. How would your life be different if you started focusing more on what you have and on what's going right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:single with a child. long relationship just ended. trying to get over it. really miss the companionship. trying to date...been on match, okcupid. met 8 men so far. nothing clicked yet. trying to be more open minded and agreed to go on a second date with someone i met two weeks ago. thought it was ok but had a hard time really seeing it...still do so expectation not too high.

i know it's sort of a numbers game....but will be hard to keep this up if i meet 20 men and still nothing clicks. it's not unpleasant to meet for coffee/drink exactly...but it's sort of exhausting and just kind of disappointing. a few times i really liked the men on email. different in person, which is why i always push to meet fairly quickly. also hard to carve out time with a child.

how long does this take people? i know if i meet someone i really like it will be worth it...but feeling rather discouraged now. probably will take a break for the holidays...but also depressing to head into the holidays alone!

But you're not alone. You have a child. How would your life be different if you started focusing more on what you have and on what's going right?

Not OP, but you clearly aren't a single woman in her 40s with a child. If you are counting on your child to fulfill all your emotional needs and needs for companionship, you are plainly doing it wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have someone in your life just for you. And it's very hard.

[Anonymous]

RedheadinVA wrote:What is happening with the guys that you liked in email? What was it about them in person that turned you off?

Well, one was really hard to keep the conversation going with...and I'm pretty chatty. Was worried about that when we talked briefly before we met. Another one I will meet again but he felt alot older than me (11 years older, sometimes it makes a difference, sometimes it doesn't). Felt like it did. He looked like Santa! And conversation did not feel that fun. The third one I am meeting tonight but worried that he's not mature enough...sci fi conventions, music groupie. Will give them all a chance but not feeling too promising to me....

I did do online dating before which was how I met my ex. Wasn't taken with him on the first date either but did feel like he was interesting and worth seeing again. Truth is that I still would rather see the ex than any of the other people I met. So maybe that is the issue...but not quite sure how to get over that other than meeting other folks that seem interesting...

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever tried "Events and Adventures"? I hear their radio ads s lot but maybe it's geared more to younger singles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever tried "Events and Adventures"? I hear their radio ads s lot but maybe it's geared more to younger singles.

Yelp reviews look terrible...

[Anonymous]

Engage in a hobby you love. I feel for my music teacher. We've been making beautiful music together for several months now I'm single, over 40, with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:single with a child. long relationship just ended. trying to get over it. really miss the companionship. trying to date...been on match, okcupid. met 8 men so far. nothing clicked yet. trying to be more open minded and agreed to go on a second date with someone i met two weeks ago. thought it was ok but had a hard time really seeing it...still do so expectation not too high.

i know it's sort of a numbers game....but will be hard to keep this up if i meet 20 men and still nothing clicks. it's not unpleasant to meet for coffee/drink exactly...but it's sort of exhausting and just kind of disappointing. a few times i really liked the men on email. different in person, which is why i always push to meet fairly quickly. also hard to carve out time with a child.

how long does this take people? i know if i meet someone i really like it will be worth it...but feeling rather discouraged now. probably will take a break for the holidays...but also depressing to head into the holidays alone!

But you're not alone. You have a child. How would your life be different if you started focusing more on what you have and on what's going right?

Not OP, but you clearly aren't a single woman in her 40s with a child. If you are counting on your child to fulfill all your emotional needs and needs for companionship, you are plainly doing it wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have someone in your life just for you. And it's very hard.

I didn't say she should count on her child to fulfill all her emotional and companionship needs, PP. I simply said she's not alone; she has a child. Presumably she has friends and family and colleagues as well. If she has a boyfriend, will that be "just for her"? Or will her child figure into that equation?

I agree that there's nothing wrong with wanting a partner. But there is also nothing wrong with loving the life you have and focusing on children, friends, work, and engaging pursuits that feed your spirit. You make it sound as though a life without a partner is empty and unfulfilled, and that doesn't have to be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:single with a child. long relationship just ended. trying to get over it. really miss the companionship. trying to date...been on match, okcupid. met 8 men so far. nothing clicked yet. trying to be more open minded and agreed to go on a second date with someone i met two weeks ago. thought it was ok but had a hard time really seeing it...still do so expectation not too high.

i know it's sort of a numbers game....but will be hard to keep this up if i meet 20 men and still nothing clicks. it's not unpleasant to meet for coffee/drink exactly...but it's sort of exhausting and just kind of disappointing. a few times i really liked the men on email. different in person, which is why i always push to meet fairly quickly. also hard to carve out time with a child.

how long does this take people? i know if i meet someone i really like it will be worth it...but feeling rather discouraged now. probably will take a break for the holidays...but also depressing to head into the holidays alone!

Stop dating for long-term fulfillment and start dating for plain good fun. Yes going out on dates can be exhausting if you're not enjoying yourself. If chatting over coffee is not fun then stop making dates to meet for coffee. Make a date to go bowling, skeet-shooting, gambling, jogging...whatever. Go out to have fun don't just go out to get to know someone.