Is this wrong?

[Anonymous]

My wife's grandmother is in a nursing home. She,a stay at home mom, visits ber about once a week. I haven't visited her since in about a year. Today she blew up at me because I hDnt visited her grandmother. Am I in the wrong?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is stressed. This isn't about being wrong or right. Acknowledge what she said to you : " So you're upset that I haven't visited your grandmother. Okay. What do you want to see happen?" Then take it from there.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Compromise. Let her know you can't visit once a week, but you could visit once a month, twice a year, or whatever you choose

[Anonymous]

You should visit at least once a year. Yes. You are wrong. It's disrespectful. Make time for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Compromise. Let her know you can't visit once a week, but you could visit once a month, twice a year, or whatever you choose

+1

Sounds like your wife is feeling stressed and sad. She shouldn't have blown up at you but if your primary goal is maintaining a good marriage, make time for this since it's important to her.

[Anonymous]

yes you are wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't matter who is wrong or right. Compromise. Let her know you can't visit once a week, but you could visit once a month, twice a year, or whatever you choose

+1

Sounds like your wife is feeling stressed and sad. She shouldn't have blown up at you but if your primary goal is maintaining a good marriage, make time for this since it's important to her.

plus 1

[Anonymous]

If your wife is visiting once a week you should visit at least every couple of months out of respect to your wife and her family.

[Anonymous]

I would visit on Mother's Day, Christmas, birthday, and other special days. Reassure your wife you care.

[Anonymous]

If your wife with all of her responsibilities with young children is visiting her grandmother once a week, it is obvious that this person if VERY important to her. She wants to maintain whatever connection she can, probably also because she has young kids.

By visiting so infrequently the perceived message could be that you not only do not care that much about her grandmother (you may not be close to her which is ok) BUT much worse is that you might not care about how much SHE cares.

Just as important as the offer to visit more, and in fact, MORE important is to talk to your wife about her feelings about her grandmother. What are her memories of her, what does she want her kids to know about their great grandmother? Etc. Show you care about her inner feelings and motivations for maintaining this connection. That will do more than visiting more. But then you should visit more as well.

Also, share your feelings about why you dont visit. Maybe you dont feel a connection? Maybe it creeps you out to go to a nursing home? Etc. SHARE in this experience and it will help a lot. Its probably just what your wife needs.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think it's wrong not to visit more often than once a year. The thought makes me sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your wife is visiting once a week you should visit at least every couple of months out of respect to your wife and her family.

+1 and in the meantime I hope you always ask how she's doing and showing concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think it's wrong not to visit more often than once a year. The thought makes me sad.

It is not HIS grandmother, it is his WIFE's grandmother. I worked for years at a nursing home and for someone to get a visitor once a week...that is HUGE. The vast majority of them get only a handful of visits a year-with many of them spending the holidays alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think it's wrong not to visit more often than once a year. The thought makes me sad.

It is not HIS grandmother, it is his WIFE's grandmother. I worked for years at a nursing home and for someone to get a visitor once a week...that is HUGE. The vast majority of them get only a handful of visits a year-with many of them spending the holidays alone.

And HE is married to HER so he should make an effort for things she cares about. She obviously is close to her grandmother. Doesn't matter that the grandmother is not his grandmother. What a bizarre thing to say. My husbands mom is HIS mom but she is part of my family now. My sister is MY sister but since I am very close to her my husband makes an effort with her.

To the OP - I agree with other pps that this isn't a wrong or right thing. Just let your wife know when you plan on visiting and make a trip to see grandma with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I think it's wrong not to visit more often than once a year. The thought makes me sad.

It is not HIS grandmother, it is his WIFE's grandmother. I worked for years at a nursing home and for someone to get a visitor once a week...that is HUGE. The vast majority of them get only a handful of visits a year-with many of them spending the holidays alone.

Just because most people neglect their relatives in nursing homes doesn't mean its something we should all aspire to. It's pretty sad that weekly visits is "HUGE" as you put it. Can you imagine living out your last years this way?

OP needs to follow the PPs advice.