how many trips is normal?

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM and we are very middle income (H makes $120,000). We live close to my family, and as a result H wants to see his family 4x a year. As a family of 4 this gets very expensive (flights are about $1200 all together each trip, and we stay for free with his family). As I SAH I am ok with all the travel but we have finally assembled a budget and unlimited travel is not within our means (more like $1000 per year). He will not have a conversation with me about missing one of the 4 trips with his family because he thinks I am disregarding his emotional attachment to them (he misses them) etc. This seems like maybe a cut and dry case of you can't always get what you want, but his insistence to spend the money we don't have on his family trips to make things fair (between family time) feels immature. I would like to hear others' thoughts on this. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Can he travel alone most of the time?

[Anonymous]

Well if you can't afford it, you can't. I assume there's nothing else he can give up to balance the budget? Cable? Car?

Any way to get family to come to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he travel alone most of the time?

This is a good idea, too. My husband's family lives in the Middle East. He goes back once a year. The kid and I go once every two or three years depending on finances (and revolutions).

[Anonymous]

I am sure he wants his kids to see his family too. It's kind of hard to believe that there's nothing else to cut when you've apparently been doing this for a while without being out on the street. I also think you are being unfair to him by phrasing your complaint as if the only reason he wants to see his family often is because your family is local. It sounds like you don't prioritize seeing his family much and he is picking up on that.

[Anonymous]

I understand your concern about the budget, but I also think it's nice that he wants to see his family. I would try the other pp's suggestions, have them come to see you if they can. If it's his parents we're talking about, just flying them to you would be cheaper. Or have a couple of the trips be just him flying home for a long weekend or something. I'm a SAHM and we do one trip to the families in the summer where I drive the kids to them. The rest of the year they come to see us so the kids don't miss school (we can't afford plane tickets so we'd have to drive).

[Anonymous]

Four times a year is a lot. Could you take the whole family once a year and then he could take one kid with him for two more trips a year? Or both? And you could stay home and save on airfare?

[Anonymous]

How far is his family? We make an 11 hour car trip to visit my family at least twice a year. We always have a blast! The trip there is half the fun. Sometimes we stop at an inexpensive hotel on the way. Other times we just drive straight through. We have all kinds of traditions tied up in our trips. We sing, watch movies, stop at Cracker Barrel to eat. Find fun (and cheap) things to do along the way.... My kids had more fun at Rock City than they did at Disney.

[Anonymous]

I see my family 2-3 times a year and they live within driving distance. I can't imagine spending all my vacation time and money flying with kids to see family.

[Anonymous]

If you have $1000 a year for that, you could stay home for 2 of those trips which would save about $600/per year. I'm with your hubby though...some things are priceless and it says a lot about him that this is where he is willing to splurge, in a good way. Count your blessings. He could rather more guys trips but he'd rather see family instead. On 120K, you can make this happen.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry but four times a year is too much. How much vacation time do you get? My husband takes four weeks vacation a year. We see his family once a year. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

My DH's family is local and we see them all the time. My family is in the Midwest and we go out to visit once a year. We drive over 12 hours because it's too expensive for 5 of us to fly. I wish the distances were reversed because, frankly, DH's family really isn't that nice and mine is a lot nicer and a lot more fun. But, it's not about what I want, it's about what we can afford and what I'm willing to give up. I'm not willing to give up more vacation time/money on my family of origin. I'd rather spend that money on experiences/memories of my nuclear family. It sounds like your DH isn't there yet. You need to have agreement on what your goals are and how to accomplish them. If it's important for him to see his family more, you need to come up with a plan to do that. That might include you getting a part time or seasonal job to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

We see my out if town family around four times a year and it seems like an appropriate amount. Honestly, it's possible it would be more like two or three if my spouse's family didn't live locally. But they do, and the truth is that seeing my children develop such a close relationship with my in laws drives me to see my own parents more. It's possible that's selfish but it's also possible that it's just giving me the motivation to do something beneficial for my children that I might otherwise not have done. Fortunately my spouse is accepting of this and is willing to look to other expenses to keep our budget in order. And honestly, the airplane tickets suck but the lodging, food, and entertainment is all free so it ends up being a pretty economical way to take a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to travel once by himself. Then get an airline credit card so you can get miles and with ours we get two companion tickets for $99. That should get you to 3 trips total if you count the one he can take alone.

Can you drive?

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen my family in 15 years but then I'm married and have my own family. Some people need to grow up.