how many trips is normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen my family in 15 years but then I'm married and have my own family. Some people need to grow up.

omg. you say this like its a good thing.

[Anonymous]

You have the money, you just have to move it from something less important in your budget. Don't use lack of money for an excuse.

[Anonymous]

No way. My husband's family is in CA. We'd love to go all the time but realistically it is every 2-3 years. My husband just went alone as his mom is sick and may go again. We ruled us all out going as much as I want to go as it is just too expensive. They can come to you. Maybe you can do two trips and they do two trips. We have family out of the country and they travel to us as its cheaper for 1-2 tickets vs. our 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen my family in 15 years but then I'm married and have my own family. Some people need to grow up.

Wow, not regularly visiting the parents and family you grew up with is consistent with adulthood? I guess I love my family more ad have more gratitude for where I came from than you do.

That said, OP, 4 times a year is really a lot. Maybe he has a reason to visit so often? Are his parents in ill health? have you talked to him about whether he wants to relocate back home, if he misses it so much?

[Anonymous]

1) how many people are you going to see? If it's mainly DH's mom and dad, fly them out a couple of times--that's got to be cheaper.

2) Get a Starwood American Express and use it on everything you buy. My FIL looked did a bunch of research and that's the one to have if you are looking to spend the miles on travel.

3) Don't forget FaceTime for grandparents and the kids. Maybe buying them an iPad for the holidays can help with the distance.

4) Can one of those times, everyone meet in another location? Like everyone meet halfway somewhere--esp. if you can DRIVE halfway? (then you have the hotel costs, but just thinking.)

[Anonymous]

That's a lot of money to spend on travel.

I get wanting to be with family - 100% of our "vacation" time and money is also spent visiting family, and it's a sacrifice I'm generally okay with. But the cost is such that it really isn't reasonable more than twice a year.

We have a similar HHI to yours.

If your DH absolutely insists that it must be 4 visits, I like PP suggestions that you drive there, if possible, or send just him with one kid for some of the trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen my family in 15 years but then I'm married and have my own family. Some people need to grow up.

Remember that when your kids are grown and have no interest in visiting you. You really think it's normal for kids to wash their hands of their parents once they're adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he travel alone most of the time?

This!
Why should everyone have to come every single time?
I visit my family without DH. He visits his family without me.
We have kids. Sometimes the kids go with me, sometimes with him.
Sometimes we all go.

I like having the variety. And honestly, the dynamics just change depending on who is on the trip- sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse.
And when it's worse, it sucks knowing that you paid more money and nobody got to spend quality time with anyone during the trip.
When DH goes alone, or when I go alone, it's a 100% chance that he or I will get the quality time we need with our respective families. We agreed that there shall be no guilt trips on either part and it works beautifully like that.

[Anonymous]

I think as an adult four times a yr. to visit his family is overkill. I mean, he is a married man now w/a family and you + the children should most definitely come first and foremost.

I think you have a right to be not right w/him visiting them so much.

I say once a yr. is enough.

[Anonymous]

All of these people saying 4x a year is overkill are right. and wrong. It depends on the circumstances. I see my father 2-4 times a year, mostly in the winter when he is in Florida verses in the rocky mountain states. I will go down for a weekend here and there.

But, my dad is in bad health (as am I). Odds are one of us will not be here in a few years.

[Anonymous]

I would travel to see my parents four times a year if I could, but I don't have vacation time. Now that they are retired, they fly out to see us at least that often, and I love it!

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to see your parents often--it sounds like the OP's family is local, so she sees them far more frequently. She thinks four times a year is too much for her husband to visit his family--how often does she see her parents? Would she be okay with only seeing them once a year?

If it's really not in the budget, then you have to find ways to make it more affordable--as others have suggested, perhaps flying his parents out to see you sometimes, or meeting them in a third location, or having him make some of the trips alone or with just one of the kids. But it might also mean finding some other ways to save money. If family truly is a priority, then you make it happen. Plus, you're setting the example for your kids. Do you want to only see them once a year when they are adults, or would you like them to want to see you more often?

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced now, but before the divorce, we traveled a lot to see family. In terms of who saw whose family more, it was probably me (we lived in the same town as my mom for the first few years we were together, my family was more willing to come visit us than was his family).

You've got 2 issues going on. One is an issue of money, which is pretty clear cut to me. A family of 4 cannot spend close to $5000 on plane tickets multiple times a year. My mom now lives on the west coast, and "cheap" tickets to see her are around $500/each. Now that DD is old enough to require her own seat, we are lucky if we can go once a year (2 people, $500 plane tickets, $0 in other expenses = your $1000/yr travel budget). Does your husband realize that by insisting that you fly to see his family as a family 4x a year, he is spending $20,000 on plane tickets alone (I assume there are also other expenses because it's never actually $0 in other expenses)?

Your other issue is a family parity issue. He feels like his family is taking a backseat to yours and he misses them. There are many ways to fix that problem. Regular Skype/phone calls. Them coming to visit you all. Maybe meeting everyone somewhere in the middle for a DH's-family-vacation. Either way, it sounds like it's pretty important that you pay some attention to the emotional need that he has that is not being met. You don't have to spend $20,000/yr to do that.

[Anonymous]

He goes alone. I think 4x a year is fine. You & the kids go with him once a year. Maybe twice and just suck-it-up.

You & the kids go more often than that if his parents pay for it.

[Anonymous]

I think 4x a year is not unreasonable in the abstract. When my baby grows up to be a man, I certainly hope he'll be willing and eager to see me more than four times a year!

However, the budget is a reality, and you two have to be on the same page about it. How much did you actually have to spend on that travel last year? If it was, say, $6000, can you find other places in your budget that your DH is willing to cut back on (like, getting rid of cable, etc.) in order to afford that travel without going into debt?

Are there other ways to travel, like driving, or compromises (like sharing the cost of tickets for his parents to fly to you)?

[Anonymous]

How often does his family visit you?

If the budget it that tight, can you find some part time employment to supplement? (Not a dig about sahp, I am also, but if our travel budget were only $1000 per year, I would be back at work- at least part time- $1000 doesn't go far).