Please kill my fantasy so I can let it go.
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Anonymous
| My in-laws' house is disgustingly dirty. No mental illness, no hoarding, just obliviousness and blithe disregard for societal convention. I hate staying there, but I understand how much it means to DH so I no longer suggest staying at a hotel. That said, I fantasize about sending in a cleaning crew before we visit with our kids. I would happily pay a couple hundred bucks every few months to avoid picking pieces of crud out of the baby's hand before she eats them, or falling asleep wondering how many people slept on the sheets in the guest room between washings. I know (in my heart of hearts) that there is no polite way to present such an offer, but I dream about doing it. So yell at me, DCUM, tell me I'm selfish and rude and a thoroughly ungrateful DIL. Maybe that will help me suck it up and ignore the filth... |
Anonymous
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Sorry, I would refuse to stay there.
I like my ILs and greatly respect my wonderful MIL, but if that sort of thing happened regularly at their house, I would offer to clean, then offer to send in a cleaning crew, and failing all else put my foot down and stay in a hotel. |
Anonymous
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You are far more patient and giving that I, OP.
I've decided that living in a clean and tidy environment is very important to me. I've also learned that MOST of the world does not meet my standards, due to a variety of reasons. |
Anonymous
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OP you know we're not going to condemn you for your fantasy.
Can you make a deal with your DH that you arrive not at nighttime but somewhere middle of the day and while he's out in the living room with parents and kid(s), you sneak in cleaning supplies with your luggage and just go through your assigned room and clean it? And then shove your sheets in the washing machine BEFORE you say oops you (or kid) spilled shampoo on them and you had to catch it…you could get the comforter in as well. meanwhile, buy and bring some sleep sacks; you can get them on amazon.com. Finally you can "develop an allergy" to (dust mites etc) and say you have to do this because of your allergy. Also you can drag in a hepafilter, there are small ones. Of course that won't take care of the kitchen or bathrooms (unless you have access to your own bathroom) but it's a start. Maybe bring a tube of Clorox wipes and when she's not looking wipe down the kitchen counters. |
Anonymous
| You need to stay in a hotel, for your child's sake if nothing else. We have the same issue and I no longer allow us to stay with the parents regardless of what anyone says. |
Anonymous
| Sleeping bags |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
+1 I kept my mouth shut and stayed at family member's house and was able to overlook the dirty kitchen, bathrooms, etc. Even took a shower with flip flops on and dried off with a beach towel that I fortunately had in my suitcase. But when the time came time for me to sleep on those musty sheets that previous guests had probably slept on, well, I broke out in a rash from nerves and that was the last straw for me. Started staying in a hotel after that and never looked back. |
Anonymous
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OP, I have a sister-in-law like this. I simply refuse to eat anything that comes out of her kitchen. It is absolutely disgusting, as is the rest of the house. Too many people live there, for starters, and they think nothing of having various animals board there as well.
I don't think your fantasy is practical, however, and it wouldn't solve the problem in the long run. I agree with the others -- you just refuse to stay there. They have a right to live like this if they so choose, but it is not something that you subject outside guests to. |
Anonymous
| This thread makes me sad. When did everyone become so OCD? Or are the respondents just self-selecting that way? I'm not saying their house isn't gross, just that you can bring your own sheets and suck it up for a few days for the sake of being a kind and decent person. |
Anonymous
We get it. You are a doormat. |
Anonymous
We get it. You are incredibly rude. |
Anonymous
| Unless it was truly a health hazard, I would probably just try to bear it for the sake of family harmony. But you might be able to do a few creative things-- like PP said- bring your own wipes, do a little secret cleaning, etc. Re the sheets, you could say that you or baby (or both) have sensitive skin and are bringing your own sheets washed in special detergent. Also, could you say something like " I heard a friend gave her parents a cleaning service as a gift. You all deserve a little break- would you ever want that?" But I think tread carefully... |
Anonymous
Some mattresses and pillows are so gross that the sheets are the least of the problem. Just sayin. |
Anonymous
| My parents are kind. Of like this. When my sister and I visit, one of us distracts them while the other "unpacks"upstairs. We bring a thing of Clorox wipes. We clean one bathroom, the bedroom we share, and the kitchen. |