I destroyed our family's Thanksgiving this year

[Anonymous]

We were supposed to host, and I had an elaborate home-cooked menu planned out. On Friday morning a migraine hits me, and wouldn't you know, I spend the next 3 days trembling, sweating and coughing in bed, only getting up to: pee, vomit, or get more water.

MIL comes down to check up on us, and by the end of the visit, she's not feeling so hot either. Long story short, she goes to the ER on her way home (!) and she has pneumonia. I don't think I gave her the pneumonia, but she had been recovering from a nasty cold herself.

Upshot is, MIL is probably going to need all week and maybe more to recuperate, and SIL is pregnant so she is going to give us a wide berth--despite having made plans to fly in with her family. My own mom is elderly herself so that's a nogo. I either have the flu or an extremely virulent cold strain, and I am just today getting on my feet after popping 4 prescriptions.

So my grand vision just exploded right before my very eyes--all due to me. All I have is a frozen turkey in the fridge and 2 huge bags of cranberries--I had barely gotten started on the shopping.

DH says he's tired of hosting year after year, why doesn't his mom host for fuck's sakes like a proper matriarch, but I know why, she can't cook, and hey, who doesn't want a party thrown without putting in any of the effort? She said that if she felt "inspired" she will bring a pie. I didn't care, I just wanted to cook and feed people.

If SIL wasn't pregnant Thanksgiving would still be a go-ahead, but with sickness all around, it doesn't look like it's happening this year.

What a disaster.

[Anonymous]

Order a pizza. Get better. It's just another dinner.

[Anonymous]

You didn't destroy it. You got sick. Not something you did intentionally and not something you tried to do. You were ready to host (which is a big thing), and life intervened.

Anyone who implies you ruined it (other than you) is being a jerk. If you imply that you ruined it, you're being unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

OP here: MIL is going to be pissed off. I believe she had been bragging about this dinner to her family-less friends for weeks.

This is going to go down as the Thanksgiving that DIL got everyone sick, almost made SIL miscarry, and eventually destroyed. That's just the way she is. Well, I don't give a hoot. As DH said, the only way to have as much control over a party you are looking forward to that much is to...THROW IT YOURSELF. Which she never does. I don't know why. I mean, if you can't cook, you can cater.

I don't even know how I got roped into this. I honestly have no recollection of the moment when we decided that we would host this year again. I think, like in years past, MIL slyly planted the idea in my head. I'm such a schmuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: MIL is going to be pissed off. I believe she had been bragging about this dinner to her family-less friends for weeks.

This is going to go down as the Thanksgiving that DIL got everyone sick, almost made SIL miscarry, and eventually destroyed. That's just the way she is. Well, I don't give a hoot. As DH said, the only way to have as much control over a party you are looking forward to that much is to...THROW IT YOURSELF. Which she never does. I don't know why. I mean, if you can't cook, you can cater.

I don't even know how I got roped into this. I honestly have no recollection of the moment when we decided that we would host this year again. I think, like in years past, MIL slyly planted the idea in my head. I'm such a schmuck.

OP, the bolded above is a delicious little tidbit! Clearly, it's not your fault. You were just the vehicle karma used to teach your MIL not to be such a cruel bitch who kicks people (friends, no less!) when they're down. Give yourself up to the universe and revel in the fact that you've had a hand in seeing justice done!

Your DH sounds like a prince, BTW. You have a lot to be grateful for! Now call some great restaurant and order Thanksgiving dinner for your immediate family and tell everyone else that you're quarantined for the next week.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound a tad bit overdramatic yoursellf. Chill. Get over whatever you've got and book a trip for next Thanksgiving if it's such a headache to have a few people for dinner.

[Anonymous]

I am family-less, and if someone wound up telling me that they did not attend thanksgiving because their DIL got sick and passed it on to them, I would interpret that as "shit accidentally happens." I would not run with your MIL's baton that you wrecked the day.

[Anonymous]

CHILL OUT. Seriously. You couldn't be more overwrought about a simple dinner!

Get some Thai take-out and teach your kids that "shit happens, what matters is how you handle it." Laugh, enjoy, watch a movie, take care of yourself. Move on.

[Anonymous]

It's Monday. You've got time. I haven't even done my shopping yet. Simplify the menu. Send DH to the store to buy the ingredients. Or just get some pre made items. DH can take on some/most of the cooking tasks.

[Anonymous]

Seriously, schtuff happens. We had our Thanksgiving plans changed one year due to illness (the person who was cooking got sick). It happens.

We simply cooked Thanksgiving at our house that year, just my little family. We missed seeing the others but our little Thanksgiving was actually kind of fun. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to cook for a change w/o the pressure of pleasing a crowd. And we got to enjoy the leftovers.

It's wonderful when everyone can get together. But it is not the end of the world if they can't. Relax OP. It'll be o.k. - take care and hope you feel better. You have not ruined Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CHILL OUT. Seriously. You couldn't be more overwrought about a simple dinner!

Get some Thai take-out and teach your kids that "shit happens, what matters is how you handle it." Laugh, enjoy, watch a movie, take care of yourself. Move on.

Seriously. Let your family take good care of you. Stay in your PJs and have a cozy holiday at home. You didn't "ruin" anything, block those negative thoughts out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: MIL is going to be pissed off. I believe she had been bragging about this dinner to her family-less friends for weeks.

This is going to go down as the Thanksgiving that DIL got everyone sick, almost made SIL miscarry, and eventually destroyed. That's just the way she is. Well, I don't give a hoot. As DH said, the only way to have as much control over a party you are looking forward to that much is to...THROW IT YOURSELF. Which she never does. I don't know why. I mean, if you can't cook, you can cater.

I don't even know how I got roped into this. I honestly have no recollection of the moment when we decided that we would host this year again. I think, like in years past, MIL slyly planted the idea in my head. I'm such a schmuck.

You didn't destroy Thanksgiving, some nasty little germs did. Give yourself the gift of ordering some sides for Thanksgiving and roast your turkey on Thursday if you feel up to it...or later in the weekend. Let things be low key. It's ok. I know it's hard to wrap your head around it when you are still feeling crappy, but it will really be ok.

Meanwhile, do some reflecting on how you feel about hosting family holidays. Maybe set up schedule where you host every other year and the non hosting years you have a smaller celebration with your nuclear family. You say that DH is tired of hosting...what's his ideal Thanksgiving? See how you feel about this year's low key celebration and talk about your joint vision for the future...not the "MIL can't cook"/at least partially guilt-induced version happening now.

I hope you feel better soon, and I hope the rest of your family stays well.

[Anonymous]

and award for most over-acted dramatic performance goes to....

Just kidding (sort of). Feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: MIL is going to be pissed off. I believe she had been bragging about this dinner to her family-less friends for weeks.

This is going to go down as the Thanksgiving that DIL got everyone sick, almost made SIL miscarry, and eventually destroyed. That's just the way she is. Well, I don't give a hoot. As DH said, the only way to have as much control over a party you are looking forward to that much is to...THROW IT YOURSELF. Which she never does. I don't know why. I mean, if you can't cook, you can cater.

I don't even know how I got roped into this. I honestly have no recollection of the moment when we decided that we would host this year again. I think, like in years past, MIL slyly planted the idea in my head. I'm such a schmuck.

OP, the bolded above is a delicious little tidbit! Clearly, it's not your fault. You were just the vehicle karma used to teach your MIL not to be such a cruel bitch who kicks people (friends, no less!) when they're down. Give yourself up to the universe and revel in the fact that you've had a hand in seeing justice done!

THIS. How cruel to brag to friends who don't have family. Makes me sad to think about it.

As you know, people get sick and it's not your fault. Make reservations now and if you are still really sick Thursday, your husband can take the kids and some other family to dinner and bring some back for you. Can you re-freeze turkey? If so, just make it when you feel better.
Your DH sounds like a prince, BTW. You have a lot to be grateful for! Now call some great restaurant and order Thanksgiving dinner for your immediate family and tell everyone else that you're quarantined for the next week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound a tad bit overdramatic yoursellf. Chill. Get over whatever you've got and book a trip for next Thanksgiving if it's such a headache to have a few people for dinner.

Not OP, but have to say I doubt OP finds this helpful. I agree she is being way too hard on herself, but calling her a drama queen goes over the line into being judgmental and critical. You don't know her family. You don't know how ridiculous her MIL can be. plus, when people are sick it is harder to think clearly, especially with a fever. If you cannot show empathy, then don't post.