Drug addicted family member

[Anonymous]

Have you ever dealt with a drug addicted family member? How did it affect your family? Did they and your family ever recover?

[Anonymous]

I have two siblings who are drug abusers and alcoholics. Also had an alcoholic father. No one has ever recovered. On the other hand, my cousins are recovering alcoholics. As to how it affects us, we know who our family is and accept it for what it is. It's not going to change. Can't say I leave my kids with them and I don't go to their houses. I never expect my youngest brother to show up when we make plans, so I'm never pissed off when he doesn't and I'm always pleasantly surprised when he does. This has been my life since I can remember, so I'm used to it and I don't even worry about them anymore. But, I hope my kids don't have the same experience.

[Anonymous]

I also have two drug addicted siblings, alcoholic parents, etc.. The effects of the drug abuse have been far reaching in the family. The siblings are very dishonest and manipulative. Many family members enable their behavior and have boundary issues themselves. I've chosen to distance myself to minimal contact with siblings and parents. I just focus on my husband and children.

[Anonymous]

Yes and yes but it changes you and the dynamic forever. I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.. but it can get better. Learning to let go and set boundaries is important. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes but it changes you and the dynamic forever. I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.. but it can get better. Learning to let go and set boundaries is important. Hugs to you.

Thank you. It's a sibling in my case and he's robbed my parents blind to fuel his habit. He steals anything that's not glued down - they had to change the locks recently - and drained their bank accounts through forgery. It's been exhausting to deal with. Nobody else in our family has these types of problems, so it's been hard to understand where it came from.

[Anonymous]

It is tough and a lotof peoplel don't get it. I have not spoken to most of my family in a few years since the day I decided, enough is enough.

Many of the poepel who will say stuff to you like oh it will get better, they will grow out of it, don't you feel guilty for not speaking to them, etc etc

Really my life is much better without the drama, the lies, the uproars that occur when they are together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes but it changes you and the dynamic forever. I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.. but it can get better. Learning to let go and set boundaries is important. Hugs to you.

Thank you. It's a sibling in my case and he's robbed my parents blind to fuel his habit. He steals anything that's not glued down - they had to change the locks recently - and drained their bank accounts through forgery. It's been exhausting to deal with. Nobody else in our family has these types of problems, so it's been hard to understand where it came from.

OP, this exact same thing happened in my family too. My brother has been drug free for a few years now (lots of rehab paid for by my parents after he stole from them and others time and time again). I'm still angry with him for what he put my parents through. They've forgiven him though. Sorry - it'd horrible what drug addiction will do to a family. Maybe try al-anon? My father used to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes but it changes you and the dynamic forever. I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.. but it can get better. Learning to let go and set boundaries is important. Hugs to you.

Thank you. It's a sibling in my case and he's robbed my parents blind to fuel his habit. He steals anything that's not glued down - they had to change the locks recently - and drained their bank accounts through forgery. It's been exhausting to deal with. Nobody else in our family has these types of problems, so it's been hard to understand where it came from.

You should go to Al-Anon - it's a support group for family members in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes but it changes you and the dynamic forever. I am so sorry OP. It is so hard.. but it can get better. Learning to let go and set boundaries is important. Hugs to you.

Thank you. It's a sibling in my case and he's robbed my parents blind to fuel his habit. He steals anything that's not glued down - they had to change the locks recently - and drained their bank accounts through forgery. It's been exhausting to deal with. Nobody else in our family has these types of problems, so it's been hard to understand where it came from.

OP, this exact same thing happened in my family too. My brother has been drug free for a few years now (lots of rehab paid for by my parents after he stole from them and others time and time again). I'm still angry with him for what he put my parents through. They've forgiven him though. Sorry - it'd horrible what drug addiction will do to a family. Maybe try al-anon? My father used to go.

Yes to all of this. We have a strong thread of addiction running through the men in my family. In my generation it's my brother, but it's also my father, an uncle, a cousin, etc...

It changes all the family dynamics, moves the center of gravity, triggers tremendous feelings of guilt/anger/sadness/etc... Al-anon is a good resource. There are also many excellent books on the subject- this is an extremely common problem. You are not alone and there isn't an emotion you (or anyone in your family) is having that isn't normal and shared by tons of others. It really helps to talk to other people, and it is also really important to learn how to establish boundaries that protect you and your immediate family. It's very hard to maintain a healthy sense of self in the middle of this so try to do what is best for you.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes. 3 siblings.

1 we tried to help, he died.
2 we disowned. Would not call, let them in, bail them out of jail, nothing, nada. They are clean and sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. 3 siblings.

1 we tried to help, he died.
2 we disowned. Would not call, let them in, bail them out of jail, nothing, nada. They are clean and sober.

I'm so sorry. We are currently trying number 2 and hoping it's going to be a wake up call.

[Anonymous]

Boy, do I have experience with this. The worse substance abusers are dead because of it (including 2 of my brothers). You have to learn to separate yourself from it so you don't get dragged down into it. It's really hard because you love them and want to help. But, it's not helping them, it's enabling them. Big difference. It took me a very long time to really accept that difference and even longer to get over the guilt. You have to do what you have to do to maintain your own health and well being. Sometimes that's cutting them off completely, sometimes that's not letting it hurt your feelings when they don't show up for something - you have to stop expecting things of them. Of course, there will be people (and family members!) who will say "oh, he's family! How can you do that?" or "I can't imagine treating a family member that way!". They just don't get it. It's not about 'family'. It's about your own sanity. I never did Ala-Non but I did have a lot of counseling and that's what got me through it. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

He's in jail now for all the stealing and forgery and we're hoping that a couple of weeks in will get him at least off the drugs and then hopefully he'll go into rehab. His addiction is bad enough that he's probably spent about $1,500-$2,000 on it in the past month. I just can't even imagine how much drugs you have to be doing to spend that kind of money.