What Should I Do?

[Anonymous]

Okay...Newly Divorced Single Mother of Two Children, Ages 5 and 10. Have 50/50 Joint Custody.

Recently started online dating. Went out on first date last week. Met a nice guy. Had pizza and later went to a bar for beer.

Great conversation.

He's recently divorced as well and has two young children as well, ages 3 and 6. Very open and honest man. Handsome. Witty. Smart. I felt so comfortable with him and have seen him every day since. We haven't slept together yet, but have kissed and he is a great kisser. I am really starting to fall for him and I look forward to each and every day now because I get to see him. I think he feels the same way about me too.

One red flag however.
He told me on our first date that he has been arrested six times for domestic violence w/his ex-wife. He said he wanted to be upfront + honest w/me from the beginning since integrity means a lot to him and if I wasn't comfortable w/this, he would totally understand it.
He said his ex-wife was a b-i-t-c-h and called the police on him six times claiming he beat her up. She self-inflicted her injuries and by the time the police showed up, they arrested him because he had been drinking and she was sober. He swears he never has been convicted of anything and has never has any restraining order against him. He says he never EVER laid a hand on her, that she made everything up.

I really like this guy and want so much to believe him. Part of me likes the fact that he was upfront and honest on our first date...Many guys wouldn't have done this, right? Another part wonders what the other side of the story could be.

For the record this guy is 39 yrs. old and cannot see his children much because his ex is such a bitch that she is keeping the kids from him.

What do you guys think?

[Anonymous]

I think you must be a real piece of work if you think this guy is worth your time.

[Anonymous]

If he has been arrested six times and never convicted, I tend to believe him. Women can be nightmares and it is more than possible that his story is true and he is being kept from his kids.

I don't automatically believe the woman. I would take this very slow though and get some kind of confirmation from family friends as to his temper and drinking.

[Anonymous]

Fake.

[Anonymous]

Someone who finds multiple ways to insult and bad mouth his ex on H's frost date with another woman has a lot of issues. How people speak of past relationships says a lot about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone who finds multiple ways to insult and bad mouth his ex on H's frost date with another woman has a lot of issues. How people speak of past relationships says a lot about them.

How do speak kindly about an ex who had you falsely arrested for domestic violence and who keeps you from seeing your kids?

[Anonymous]

other big red flag is that you're newly divorced, have seen this guy every day, and are "falling" for him. put the brakes on. hard.

[Anonymous]

Take it slow. Maybe he is being honest and maybe he is not.

You have two kids so you owe it to them to go very slow and cautiously.

Maybe hire a PI and get him checked out discreetly?

[Anonymous]

This doesn't make sense. Your description makes it sound like one awful night: he was drunk, she was not, she beat herself up. But then you say he was arrested six times.

They don't arrest you six times in the same night. If he was arrested six times, that means six separate incidents. Was he drunk for all of them? Is he claiming she beat herself up each time?

[Anonymous]

Both of you are recently divorced and you have seen him every day, since the first date???

This to me is a huge red flag. The domestic abuse, sounds a bit off, he was arrested everytime the police showed up??? I'd have to do some investigation on my own. Also, he can't see his kids because his wife is a bitch and he's not fighting not seeing his kids??? Or is he not allowed due to being arrested?

OP re-read your own post, I think you will get your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of you are recently divorced and you have seen him every day, since the first date???

This to me is a huge red flag. The domestic abuse, sounds a bit off, he was arrested everytime the police showed up??? I'd have to do some investigation on my own. Also, he can't see his kids because his wife is a bitch and he's not fighting not seeing his kids??? Or is he not allowed due to being arrested?

OP re-read your own post, I think you will get your answer.

That's confusing to me as well. Divorced people with children have custody agreements that must be enforced. The other parent can't just deny you access to the kids because, "fuck you, I'm a bitch."

[Anonymous]

Fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone who finds multiple ways to insult and bad mouth his ex on H's frost date with another woman has a lot of issues. How people speak of past relationships says a lot about them.

How do speak kindly about an ex who had you falsely arrested for domestic violence and who keeps you from seeing your kids?

You don't speak of the ex at all on the first date, other than to establish that you are divorced. Why in the world would you get into the gory details with someone you have literally just met?

My first husband was truly and utterly an asshole, but ultimately the only man I had that in-depth conversation with was the man who would become my second husband. There was just no reason to get into that level of detail on first dates.

And even though my ex was an asshole, I still played my part in the dissolution of the relationship with him. 't takes two to ruin a marriage. I was okay with slinging a little mud about him once I had the conversation (as I'm sure he did about me!) but in no version of the story is everything entirely his fault, and in no version of the story is everything he said a lie and everything I did totally the right choice and completely justified. Come to think of it, in any strained or failed relationship scenario - friendships, family, romance, marriage - I think it's cowardly for a person to say that everything that went wrong was the other person's responsibility. Rarely is life that black and white, and real instances of a spouse (or whatever) just going totally batshit psycho are rare.

Own your piece of it, and don't spill it to someone who is basically a stranger at that point.

[Anonymous]

If he did it, then why on earth would you want to be with someone who had been arrested six times?

If he did not do it and his ex was lying on him, do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with a crazy ex who could then make accusations against you and also ruin your life?

RUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay...Newly Divorced Single Mother of Two Children, Ages 5 and 10. Have 50/50 Joint Custody.

Recently started online dating. Went out on first date last week. Met a nice guy. Had pizza and later went to a bar for beer.

Great conversation.

He's recently divorced as well and has two young children as well, ages 3 and 6. Very open and honest man. Handsome. Witty. Smart. I felt so comfortable with him and have seen him every day since. We haven't slept together yet, but have kissed and he is a great kisser. I am really starting to fall for him and I look forward to each and every day now because I get to see him. I think he feels the same way about me too.

One red flag however.
He told me on our first date that he has been arrested six times for domestic violence w/his ex-wife. He said he wanted to be upfront + honest w/me from the beginning since integrity means a lot to him and if I wasn't comfortable w/this, he would totally understand it.
He said his ex-wife was a b-i-t-c-h and called the police on him six times claiming he beat her up. She self-inflicted her injuries and by the time the police showed up, they arrested him because he had been drinking and she was sober. He swears he never has been convicted of anything and has never has any restraining order against him. He says he never EVER laid a hand on her, that she made everything up.

I really like this guy and want so much to believe him. Part of me likes the fact that he was upfront and honest on our first date...Many guys wouldn't have done this, right? Another part wonders what the other side of the story could be.

[/b]For the record this guy is 39 yrs. old and cannot see his children much because his ex is such a bitch that she is keeping the kids from him[b].

What do you guys think?

I chuckled so hard I farted. Go be a punching bag if you want to but KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY from him. You should probably give your kids to his ex wife. She apparently is the one with the common sense.