New baby on the way; older teen stepdaughter

[Anonymous]

Just shared with 15 year old about new addition to the family coming up. I didn't think it was likely to great, and it didn't.

She is pretty upset. Anyone BTDT? She's with us full-time, and for all intensive purposes, I'm the mom figure in her life, so I think that is making the news even harder.

I was holding out hope it might have gone better than it did, but it really didn't. I'm pretty disappointed too (though I know I have to be the adult, be strong and not play into the reaction too hard.)

[Anonymous]

What are her reasons for being upset? Has she been able to explain them
I was 12 when I found out and pretty upset, but got over it quickly when the new baby excitement set in. I loved being included in picking things out for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Happened to me at 14, so mad and then jealous. Felt usurped. But once baby arrived, grew to adore her and showed her off to all my friends. Just had a nice long chat with her on phone, she lives across country. We were in each others weddings too, and she is Godmother to my eldest. Good luck

[Anonymous]

My DD was 13 and reacted this way, and her DD and I are still married. So I think this is a normal reaction for teens. They are pretty self centered at this age, and they don't want any cute little babies cutting in. Like previous PPs have said this usually gets better as the pregnancy progresses. Shopping for the baby, planning and then when the baby is born. Give her space initially, try not to just talk about the pregnancy, maybe make dinner time a no baby discussion time. Then start including her when you make decisions, and don't be hurt if at first she says no. You sound like a very understanding person and a great stepmom so I am sure you will get through this ok!! Good luck and congratulations!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 13 and reacted this way, and her DD and I are still married. So I think this is a normal reaction for teens. They are pretty self centered at this age, and they don't want any cute little babies cutting in. Like previous PPs have said this usually gets better as the pregnancy progresses. Shopping for the baby, planning and then when the baby is born. Give her space initially, try not to just talk about the pregnancy, maybe make dinner time a no baby discussion time. Then start including her when you make decisions, and don't be hurt if at first she says no. You sound like a very understanding person and a great stepmom so I am sure you will get through this ok!! Good luck and congratulations!!!

I'd give her more credit than that.

I'm going to take a stab and guess that your step DD is afraid of losing you as her "mother" once you have a bio kid of your own. Having had one parent drop her (or whatever happened) makes her feel insecure and unimportant. Now, she is going to be even less important when you and her dad and the new baby become a happy little nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Is she an only child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she an only child

At our household. Not at her mothers, but her mother does not act in a mother role to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 13 and reacted this way, and her DD and I are still married. So I think this is a normal reaction for teens. They are pretty self centered at this age, and they don't want any cute little babies cutting in. Like previous PPs have said this usually gets better as the pregnancy progresses. Shopping for the baby, planning and then when the baby is born. Give her space initially, try not to just talk about the pregnancy, maybe make dinner time a no baby discussion time. Then start including her when you make decisions, and don't be hurt if at first she says no. You sound like a very understanding person and a great stepmom so I am sure you will get through this ok!! Good luck and congratulations!!!

I'd give her more credit than that.

I'm going to take a stab and guess that your step DD is afraid of losing you as her "mother" once you have a bio kid of your own. Having had one parent drop her (or whatever happened) makes her feel insecure and unimportant. Now, she is going to be even less important when you and her dad and the new baby become a happy little nuclear family.

OP here - I'm concerned its a lot of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she an only child

At our household. Not at her mothers, but her mother does not act in a mother role to her.

So her mother has half siblings to her who are younger than her? And the mother is not motherly towards her?

[Anonymous]

Is this partially a Financial issue? Will you not be able to givers much for college, for example?

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in a similar situation. All I can offer is that you not expect the teen to be responsible for the new kid in any way. She'll probably love the half-sib and things will be fine. But still, I'd never make it part of the equation or an expectation that the teen have responsibility for the baby. Hopefully you'll be in for special surprises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 13 and reacted this way, and her DD and I are still married. So I think this is a normal reaction for teens. They are pretty self centered at this age, and they don't want any cute little babies cutting in. Like previous PPs have said this usually gets better as the pregnancy progresses. Shopping for the baby, planning and then when the baby is born. Give her space initially, try not to just talk about the pregnancy, maybe make dinner time a no baby discussion time. Then start including her when you make decisions, and don't be hurt if at first she says no. You sound like a very understanding person and a great stepmom so I am sure you will get through this ok!! Good luck and congratulations!!!

I'd give her more credit than that.

I'm going to take a stab and guess that your step DD is afraid of losing you as her "mother" once you have a bio kid of your own. Having had one parent drop her (or whatever happened) makes her feel insecure and unimportant. Now, she is going to be even less important when you and her dad and the new baby become a happy little nuclear family.

OP here - I'm concerned its a lot of this.

I'm the PP here. OP, I hope that by marrying into this family you knew you were accepting this girl as your daughter (at least in some fashion or anther though things may have played out differently), and that you don't intend to shut her out for the sake of convenience once the baby arrives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD was 13 and reacted this way, and her DD and I are still married. So I think this is a normal reaction for teens. They are pretty self centered at this age, and they don't want any cute little babies cutting in. Like previous PPs have said this usually gets better as the pregnancy progresses. Shopping for the baby, planning and then when the baby is born. Give her space initially, try not to just talk about the pregnancy, maybe make dinner time a no baby discussion time. Then start including her when you make decisions, and don't be hurt if at first she says no. You sound like a very understanding person and a great stepmom so I am sure you will get through this ok!! Good luck and congratulations!!!

I'd give her more credit than that.

I'm going to take a stab and guess that your step DD is afraid of losing you as her "mother" once you have a bio kid of your own. Having had one parent drop her (or whatever happened) makes her feel insecure and unimportant. Now, she is going to be even less important when you and her dad and the new baby become a happy little nuclear family.

OP here - I'm concerned its a lot of this.

I'm the PP here. OP, I hope that by marrying into this family you knew you were accepting this girl as your daughter (at least in some fashion or anther though things may have played out differently), and that you don't intend to shut her out for the sake of convenience once the baby arrives.

PP - absolutely - I've embraced my role as a mother figure while recognizing I'm not the mother and would never ever ever do this. I've been in her life for over 13 years, so I'm not going anywhere. I am wondering if perhaps she is feeling less sure of this with this new news, so seeking ways to reassure her and help with transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this partially a Financial issue? Will you not be able to givers much for college, for example?

We've always planned on having additional children, so no - our college plans have always been based on our long-range planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was in a similar situation. All I can offer is that you not expect the teen to be responsible for the new kid in any way. She'll probably love the half-sib and things will be fine. But still, I'd never make it part of the equation or an expectation that the teen have responsibility for the baby. Hopefully you'll be in for special surprises.

I definitely was not planning on this.