No heartbeat at 8 weeks

[Anonymous]

I found out on Friday during an ultrasound that my baby's heart had stopped beating. Due to prior history (fertility and multiple miscarriages), I had been having regular ultrasounds and saw a steady heartbeat at 6 and 7 weeks and the fetus had been growing (actually was still on track size-wise at 8 weeks so I guess the heart had just stopped?).

I have had other losses but for some reason I am having a hard time accepting that I have lost this baby. I saw the ultrasound on Friday and noticed the lack of flutter before the tech/doctor said anything. I have a D&C scheduled with my OB next week and a follow up ultrasound on Monday. I can't stop hoping that maybe there was some mistake and I will see a heartbeat on Monday. I know this is ridiculous and I can't talk about this to my husband/family/friends but I holding on this thread of hope and can't let go

[Anonymous]

I am so, so sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry too. Don't let this keep you from trying again. My aunt and great grandmother both lost five full term babies before successfully giving birth to 4 healthy babies. As much as this hurts, your reward later on may be the precious child you want. However that may happen.

Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thank you both- it feels so good to talk freely about this… It would be ridiculous to hold out hope that there was some mistake, right?

[Anonymous]

Don't beat yourself up hon. And please, talk to your family soon. You need them.

[Anonymous]

Holding out hope is natural. It's perfectly reasonable to ask for another u/s before you have the d&c. A few years ago, I had a 7w u/s that showed a blighted ovum. I elected to wait out an mc instead of having a d&c, with part of my thought process being that I wanted to be absolutely sure there wasn't a mistake. There was no mistake, the mc happened on its own at 11w. I understand what you're feeling, and just do what you have to do to be sure. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. Take the time you need to process. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. What you're feeling is completely understandable. Wishing you strength and comfort.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing worse. Big hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you both- it feels so good to talk freely about this… It would be ridiculous to hold out hope that there was some mistake, right?

I don't think having a little hope is ever ridiculous

[Anonymous]

OP, if it is confirmed the fetus died, are you going to have it analyzed after the D&C to check if it was a genetic/chromosomal issue? I hope all is fine, but in case it is not, I highly suggest you have it analyzed. I went through the same thing during my first pregnancy and it did bring me some closure to know WHY it happened, instead of wondering....

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry for you. I actually went through the exact same thing you did. My RE sent me to another specialist in Rockville to check the heartbeat, and before the doctor or tech said anything - I knew. Nothing was on the screen and a couple of years later I still remember each moment like it happened to me yesterday. I also had a D&C the following week, and we did test the baby - a little girl - who was genetically fine. The RE sent me for some additional blood tests and we discovered I have a blood disorder which is easily treatable. Unfortunately, it took several losses for this to be diagnosed BUT...I now have a gorgeous baby. Stay strong. Ask questions. Make sure your RE is completely thorough. Cry your eyes out (trust me -it helps). Get a massage. Cry some more. And definitely keep trying. It will happen. Sending you virtual hugs...

[Anonymous]

OP, I am very sorry. I sufferered multiple losses before my DD was born alive. You are going through a very difficult and painful time, be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if it is confirmed the fetus died, are you going to have it analyzed after the D&C to check if it was a genetic/chromosomal issue? I hope all is fine, but in case it is not, I highly suggest you have it analyzed. I went through the same thing during my first pregnancy and it did bring me some closure to know WHY it happened, instead of wondering....

OP. sorry for your loss. And I want to reiterate PP's advice. I lost my first pregnancy (after years of trying and ART) last year, and my RE suggested the genetic testing. We learned he had a trisomy that wasn't compatible with life...and that did make it a little easier on me. Before that I was struggling with analyzing everything I did in case I had contributed in some way. That said, my RE also gently told me that there's nothing I could have done to cause the loss. As he put it, "If women could do things that caused miscarriages, there wouldn't be any abortion debate."

After a few more IVF cycles and a chemical pregnancy, I'm now 32 weeks along, expecting a baby girl early next year. So it might not feel like it now, but there is light on the other side.

One book that helped me was "An Exact REplica of a Figment of my Imagination". It's a memoir of a woman's loss that occurred later in her pregnancy, but it still resonated in many ways. This is a really difficult time, and I totally understand feeling like no one can relate. Your DH may be sad, but he doesn't have the connection to the baby that you do. My DH mourned in his own way, but there was a part of him that just couldn't understand the emptiness.

[Anonymous]

OP here: What a wonderful and caring group... Thank you for the responses and the compassion. Yes, most definitely am going to do testing. I also have a list of questions I am going in with tomorrow. Really, really, really can't keep going through this...