Please help us....
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Anonymous
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My significant other and I are having a debate.
We spend almost all of our time at her place--she doesn't like staying at my place as she prefers her place in the suburbs. I am at her place six or seven nights of the week. However, I work from home...so I commute in to my place to work each day from her place in the suburbs. My place doesn't have a clothes washer and dryer in the apartment--there is a coin operated laundry, three floors down. A few days ago when i said i had to do laundry when she wanted me to come by, she said I should do my wash at her place. I didn't that day, but today I brought a load of laundry to her place...assuming that she wouldn't have an issue with that. I brought my laundry over to do it...not for her to do it. She is very upset that I brought my laundry over. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Can't imagine what the big deal is about you doing laundry at her place. Unless she feels like you are overstepping boundaries and should have to ask permission before assuming you can do what you want. Or maybe she feels like you are getting too comfortable and using her and will not spend quality time with her. |
Anonymous
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Not enough information. Did you remind her that she explicitly said you should bring your laundry? Did she explain why she thinks that statement doesn't apply anymore? Did you tell her that you didn't mean for her to do the laundry? Where did this conversation go?
Or did you not have a conversation? Because if it's that, then there's your problem. |
Anonymous
| I texted her as I was heading to her place could I bring laundry over. |
Anonymous
| And I admit my dirty clothes hamper was in her front hall when she arrived home. |
Anonymous
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Did she reply?
I will say that asking permission to do something you are already doing (asking about the laundry while already on the way with it) is kind of disingenuous. |
Anonymous
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Then tell her you will no longer be spending 6 nights a week at her house because you need to do your laundry.
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Anonymous
I'm guessing OP doesn't have many options when it comes to women and goes there all the time because she is available. |
Anonymous
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Neither one of you is "wrong". If I was you, this is how I would respond b/c it seems you did something not knowing what her reaction would be:
"I am sorry for bringing over my laundry. I did not realize it would upset you. I will take my laundry home and do it there tomorrow." No one can argue with you if you apologize. It bugged her but you didn't intend to bug her. Period. |
Anonymous
Agreed. But I would like to add it is a little silly if for her to get so upset since she'd previously offered to let you do your laundry at her place. If she meant you could do it on that specific day and that's it, she probably should have specified that. If someone told me "you can do it here" I would just assume it was ok to do it there when I needed, not to mean "you can do it here but only today" |
Anonymous
| OP, what happened? Did you talk to her? |
Anonymous
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My first thought after reading about your S/O's reaction is that she is most definitely a Type A personality. I don't see what difference it makes whether you brought your dirty laundry over a few days ago or today. Sheesh.
There is obviously something else that is bothering her that goes deeper than your dirty trousers and I suggest you and her discuss it ASAP. If you do not and choose to sweep it under the rug, it is bound to rear it's ugly head in the future and who knows how much bigger it will be then. 
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Anonymous
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Stop living at her place. You are putting yourself out driving back and forth each day and she can't even handle you doing laundry there. Doing laundry at the place you live 6 nights a week shouldn't be something someone gets upset over.
I kind of think you are being taken advantage of. The only person putting themselves out or inconveniencing themselves is you. She sounds like a control freak and like a bit of a user - she ants your there for her own needs but when it is something for you, she gets mad. I would start asking her to stay at your place half the time and see if she is willing to inconvenience yourself for you. Personally if this is how she acts and treats you, do you really want a future with her? |
Anonymous
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You are essentially living together. Where does she expect you to do laundry? She sounds high maintenance if the appearance of your dirty laundry bag gets her upset.
However, I feel like a few details have been left out here. I suspect there is more to this story because something doesn't add up here. Did you leave the laundry bag lying there for several days? |
Anonymous
| You need to establish boundaries. Start by addressing her as "woman." |