BIL-SIL sucking all the fun out of Christmas

[Anonymous]

They both teach religion, and have strong views on what Christmas should be. They told their 4 year old (and 1.5 yo) that there is no such thing as Santa, are anti-gift for Christmas and am not even sure will do a tree. Christmas is about serving people. They come from out of town to see us, the grandparents and other extended family ever year.

Since they have strong and noble feelings about this, we all defer and have a lame lame lame Christmas. I am not even christian, but I like Christmas. I like that it is filled with love, and joy, and is a little over the top. Before this started, we would do like $20 gifts within the family so it was not like we were overdoing it. But I can't be the one who says, actually, I would like my kids to get to open gifts, wonder about santa claus, or eat more cookies than necessary.. And it all sounds so good in theory, to escape this consumerism and spend the whole break volunteering, and giving and going to church, but in practice it is a little drab to have such a ..fundamental.. Christmas. Vent over.

[Anonymous]

That sounds .. annoying. Why do your SIL and BIL get to dictate the agenda for Christmas? What do the grandparents and other extended family think about this and how do they react? Just because they have a strong opinion shouldn't mean that they get to tell everyone else what to do and everyone else just lies down for it. If you feel strongly that you like Christmas and want to celebrate it a certain way -- and it sounds like you have pretty modest expectations for how to celebrate it -- , then can you just speak up to SIL/BIL and talk them off of this? Or get other relatives on your side?

[Anonymous]

So stop deferring and reach a compromise that makes you happy, too. Have a Christmas tree, have your kids help you make homemade decorations, make lots of cookies. Keep gifts down in terms of number and cost, and exchange them just among your immediate family (unless the inlaws are staying with you, you will have some time when it's just you and your kids). And also volunteer, which I agree is a nice tradition.

[Anonymous]

Change it this year. Get gifts for your kids. Make YOUR family happy. Do not defer.

[Anonymous]

Do Christmas BIG at your home and then go to the grandparents afterwards for the lame parts. If you want you can even invite grandparents to watch your kids open presents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Change it this year. Get gifts for your kids. Make YOUR family happy. Do not defer.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Do your own thing and see them the day after. Your kids shouldn't miss out on a fun celrbration because their aunt and uncle aren't into it.

[Anonymous]

I want to cry for your kids. Santa was one of the best parts of being a kid. We're Christians still, but man was Santa magical. Such a great thing that you only get to believe in for a few sweet years (or until your mean BIL and SIL and their kids ruin Santa for your kids).

[Anonymous]

Do your own Christmas your way. If they are hosting, then do your Christmas separately.

I would also suggest you try and set aside your possibly pre-conceived notions. Maybe they are all dull and boring and sit around in gloomy silence on Christmas snacking on carrots. However I grew up in a very fundamentalist Christian home that also had no tree, no Santa and one gift each. Our focus was on the birth of Jesus, compassion for others, acts of service, and lots of church. And yet you know what...I have fantastic memories of Christmas. It was still exciting and fun and filled with family, laughter, good food, games, etc... We loved Christmas.

Now we do most of the Christmas stuff..gifts, trees, etc... and honestly, sometimes I think the way we did it as kids was better. The focus then was on family, time together and what does acting like a Christian really mean (love, joy, peace, kindness) etc... Now we still have fun and its exciting but the focus is on gifts and what people got and rushing around and kids off playing with toys while adults do their thing.

It is kind of like people feeling you can't have fun unless you are drunk. So for drinkers, sober people are boring. But sober people actually have fun too.

[Anonymous]

You can do both. I like that they aren't into the whole consumerism crap I'll admit.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think they have a good point. Let them do it their way, you do it yours. I've never had a tree, have no interest in one and it never harmed me in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But I can't be the one who says, actually, I would like my kids to get to open gifts, wonder about santa claus, or eat more cookies than necessary.. And it all sounds so good in theory, to escape this consumerism and spend the whole break volunteering, and giving and going to church, but in practice it is a little drab to have such a ..fundamental.. Christmas. Vent over.

Why can't you say this and see what compromise is suggested? You get to enjoy Christmas, too. How old are your kids, BTW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your own Christmas your way. If they are hosting, then do your Christmas separately.

I would also suggest you try and set aside your possibly pre-conceived notions. Maybe they are all dull and boring and sit around in gloomy silence on Christmas snacking on carrots. However I grew up in a very fundamentalist Christian home that also had no tree, no Santa and one gift each. Our focus was on the birth of Jesus, compassion for others, acts of service, and lots of church. And yet you know what...I have fantastic memories of Christmas. It was still exciting and fun and filled with family, laughter, good food, games, etc... We loved Christmas.

Now we do most of the Christmas stuff..gifts, trees, etc... and honestly, sometimes I think the way we did it as kids was better. The focus then was on family, time together and what does acting like a Christian really mean (love, joy, peace, kindness) etc... Now we still have fun and its exciting but the focus is on gifts and what people got and rushing around and kids off playing with toys while adults do their thing.

It is kind of like people feeling you can't have fun unless you are drunk. So for drinkers, sober people are boring. But sober people actually have fun too.

You make excellent points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do Christmas BIG at your home and then go to the grandparents afterwards for the lame parts. If you want you can even invite grandparents to watch your kids open presents.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Are they staying with you? If not, I don't see why you can't do a tree, presents, etc. with your own family. Even if they ARE staying with you, it's YOUR house. As guests in your home, they should be deferring to your traditions, not the other way around.