Why do I sabotage myself every time I start looking good?

[Anonymous]

I have never broken this cycle. I get motivated, start exercising regularly and eat better. Then I lose weight and feel good about myself. Just when I start to think I look good and I buy some clothes and feel comfortable in my skin, I start eating like crap again. It's like this weird psychological mind f*ck where I say to myself, "Oh, it wasn't that hard. I am small and look good, so I can eat anything!" Instead of saying to myself, "Good job. See how your body responds when you eat well? You should keep this up in order to maintain this feeling." What is wrong with me? After dropping 12 points after doing Whole 30 and exercising 4 times/week and getting back to my wedding day weight a mere 6 months postpartum after baby #2, I now have eaten my body weight in halloween candy over the course of the last month. How do I stop this ridiculous sabotage?! Also, I'm 34 so my metabolism will surely slow down soon and I won't be able to claw my way back unless I can maintain healthy eating habits over time. How do I stay motivated and on track?

[Anonymous]

Think of it as making a permanent lifestyle change and not an effort to lose weight.

Also, this is a complete wild guess so ignore it if it is not appropriate: do you have any issues about feeling vulnerable if you look good? If you have problems setting boundaries with people, you might feel safer with the extra pounds. So learning to set boundaries might be important. Again, a total guess....

[Anonymous]

I don't know but if you figure it out, let me know, because my boyfriend does the same damn thing! He gets down to about 5 pounds above a healthy BMI and then starts eating like crap etc again. Drives me batty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of it as making a permanent lifestyle change and not an effort to lose weight.

Also, this is a complete wild guess so ignore it if it is not appropriate: do you have any issues about feeling vulnerable if you look good? If you have problems setting boundaries with people, you might feel safer with the extra pounds. So learning to set boundaries might be important. Again, a total guess....

OP here. If anything, it's the exact opposite. I'm shocked at how much better I feel about myself when I'm slimmer. I enjoy shopping for clothes, going out with friends, initiate sex with DH more, and overall feel more confident. So why do I let that feeling slip away so easily?!

FWIW, I'm only talking about a 5-10 lb difference here. I'm 5'1", so a little weight goes a long way. It's not like I need to gain and re-lose a significant amount of weight. The mental commitment required by some of the posters on this board who have lost 20, 50, 100 lbs is amazing. It almost makes me feel more pathetic that I can't get my act together to keep off those 5-10 pesky pounds.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm with you and hate myself right now. I busted my a$$ to lose all the baby weight, and in the following year and a half put it all back on plus half a dozen pounds. Hate how I look. Hate all those clothes I bought that now don't fit. And feel as if my will power disappeared with the birth of my child.

I do think for me some of it, at the beginning, is the "ok, I look good it's okay to have just one or two desserts/glasses of wine/whatever" and it becomes a bad habit.

[Anonymous]

The best advice I heard that's really helped me get in shape this year (I'm not a yo-yo-er), is to pick one (either eat well or exercise regularly), and only do one at a time.

Sure, this goes against all conventional wisdom, but doing too much at once burns me out. I get tired, have cravings, and it just doesn't last.

So do one, and do it well. You can work on adding the second component later, but not until you are WELL into a good routine with the first part (like a couple months in or more). The thing is, doing ONE thing consistently will always be better for you than doing both temporarily, and then quitting.

I'm down 25 lbs this year, and have about 15 to go. I eat bread, chocolate, rice, and all the "NO" foods. But working on getting my exercise into a good and consistent pattern first, had helped me figure out how to moderate my food (all things in moderation). Stop beating yourself up about not being able to do it all, and just pick EITHER exercise OR food. Work on one thing at a time.

[Anonymous]

ok another wild guess…if food is your reward, maybe you are rewarding yourself for looking great--for accomplishing your goal?


or…more likely, as another PP alluded to…it's a life-long thing. So let's say you want to be a particular weight. Well that's a concrete goal, and there's an end point. But after that's done, there's just…the rest of your life. THAT thought can be overwhelming, which is why people focus on "one day at a time, " or "just today"

If so, a good trick is to set a slightly higher warning trip-wire, where if you get to that weight you will go into full hard-core diet/workout mode. Hopefully you will moderate your eating and exercise because you are fearful of hitting that trip-wire. After a while, the moderating yourself method becomes natural. That's what I'm doing now, on "maintenance" at Weight Watchers. I control myself (I admit, better control 2 days and up to the weekly meeting, less after the meeting, but it still works) because I don't want to go back into weight-loss mode.

[Anonymous]

So, I'm down a lot this year. I look great......like, better than I have in 8 years. I feel great.

And, I'm totally scared that I'm going to mess it all up and be back where I started before I realize what I've done. I know, sometimes when I'm afraid to fail, I decide not to try at all b/c then I can convince myself it's not failure b/c I didn't put in the effort that is part of trying. Messed up, I know, but at least I'm aware of it. Maybe you do something similar???

[Anonymous]

21:05 here

Also, I don't know how to break that cycle other than reminding myself that I have the power to control what I eat and how I work out. Also, no cake tastes as good as my skinny pants feel (although, that's probably going to set off warning bells to some people).

[Anonymous]

20:54 here. Just want to add: Weight Watchers works. I don't totally buy in to their philosophy, so I take what works for me and leave what doesn't. For example, I think "weight" is a crude measure of "health" and know, for example, that if I drink a glass of water my weight is going up a pound. Or if I had a salty meal, my weight can go up as much as 7 pounds from the water retention, not fat.

But WW works and studies show it's really quite effective. I know it works with me. I'm not exactly sure why, but I suspect it's the accountability. It's easier to stay a particular weight when you are accountable to "the meeting" than if just accountable to yourself. That being said, no one ever knows your weight at WW except the person who records it, and she is trained to be discrete. Still…having that little paper log and computer log, wow…it keeps me on track.

Also, you may think you don't have time for one 1/2 hour meeting a week, but I think it's precisely what happens to you psychologically when you force yourself to make the time that affects you, that keeps you in line.

So something to think about, OP, and a prior PP, now that you are there. Anything to help you hold the line!

[Anonymous]

I have this problem too! I've lost 20 pounds since January - I'm 5'7 and went from 158 to 138. Now that I am done having all my kids, I am really trying to keep at the weight I'm at (maybe lose another 5 lbs) and NOT slip into bad habits. Here are some things that are helping me and that I'm trying to do:

1) weigh myself every day. Yes, I know it will fluctuate, but I also know my body well enough that if I see the scale creeping up day by day, I'm going to notice when it hits 3-4 pounds instead of 10 lbs.
2) I have to keep trying new recipes and new foods. I have a huge problem with getting bored with what I'm eating and going back to the comfort foods that taste good. So investing some time in trying new things is important for me.
3) I have learned that it is better for me to have foods that are truly not allowed rather than do things in moderation. I have a big appetite and I like to eat. So, for example, I have these cinnamon roasted almonds that are SO GOOD and I've probably been over-indulging in lately, but I have not touched the Halloween candy. I am incapable of having just one little chocolate bar from the kids' stash. I'll eat six. And then six again tomorrow. So I really don't have any white flour carbs, and very rarely have wheat carbs. Same goes for sugar -- no sugar at all. But I have been experimenting with whole wheat and xylitol recipes and that fills my need for baked goods.
4) Get rid of the fat clothes and put a little more time and energy into fashion and dressing well.

I hope that helps. Good luck to all of us!

[Anonymous]

PP here. Oh, and I do track my food and exercise on Weight Watchers as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think of it as making a permanent lifestyle change and not an effort to lose weight.

Also, this is a complete wild guess so ignore it if it is not appropriate: do you have any issues about feeling vulnerable if you look good? If you have problems setting boundaries with people, you might feel safer with the extra pounds. So learning to set boundaries might be important. Again, a total guess....

NP here, and yes, I do feel vulnerable when I look good. I can't intellectually make sense of this. How do I get over this? I sort of "hide" myself wrapped up in the extra pounds, as if I am cushioning my fragile self in bubble wrap or something. I honestly don't intellectually know why, though. I have never had a bad experience, like anyone taking advantage of me, etc etc etc. So, why????