Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

Wow I just listened to the first of the podcasts that Brandon is on and I went from pretty much thinking he was the worst to being very sympathetic at the end. A lot of good insight into what happened at the end of their marriage. I certainly do not think anyone deserves to be cheated on but he does a very good job of explaining how he got there without blaming anyone but himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talking about his addictions and challenges the last few or several years does not necessarily equate spilling the beans on Jen and his/their relationships, issues and splitting up. I think it may just be about his addictions and confusions and personal demons. There may be a lot of hints and speculations and glimmers reading between the lines, but if he hasn’t dumped on Jen yet even though she’s obviously cast him as the bad guy and herself as the victim, what purpose would there be in now doing some kind of tell all casting her as the villain. If anything, he of all people should know anything he says that throws any type of shade on her would feed into and allow her present to herself as even more a persecuted poor misunderstood I tried to take the high road blah blah click on this link because Imma single mom. I have the feeling he’s moved on from her completely and has no desire to bring her up in any way.

But I’m not on Instagram and only know what I read here so could be completely off. In which case, 🍿 😁

Oh he definitely spills some beans

[Anonymous]

I could barely make it through the first ten minutes.

[Anonymous]

Made it through the first 20 minutes or so. He’s discussing how the backlash from their LGBTQ affirming stance was the beginning of his downward spiral. That he wasn’t prepared for people to be so upset - and that he started to blame God for that. He feels like his entire platform was taken away in 1 day and his book was removed from “all bookstores”. (Which is not true). And, he feels like Jen was able to overcome it (and be accepted again), but he wasn’t.

[Anonymous]

Where Brandon's path went sideways (summary of first part of episode 1):

He and Jen reexamined their position on homosexuality and how that related to their faith. Before they announced their change it was leaked. Which caused a loss of followers, church goers, they received hate mail, burned books etc.

This led Brandon to a loss of faith, loss of identity, loss of career, medical issues- surgeries, etc. Then underwent the surgeries and was prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain. Side effects of the drug are depression and suicidal thoughts. Which was a dark time for him. Health issues with his dad, private family issues with their kids. A build up of lots of little things all at once.

Jen pivoted at that time, and he wasn't able to do so. Kind of the beginning of the end of them (bolded part implied not outright said). Going through these things together, but making it out on their own (summary of his actual words).

- I'll listen to the rest later and provide an update if someone else doesn't.

[Anonymous]

^thank you for this. I was hoping someone would give a full rundown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where Brandon's path went sideways (summary of first part of episode 1):

He and Jen reexamined their position on homosexuality and how that related to their faith. Before they announced their change it was leaked. Which caused a loss of followers, church goers, they received hate mail, burned books etc.

This led Brandon to a loss of faith, loss of identity, loss of career, medical issues- surgeries, etc. Then underwent the surgeries and was prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain. Side effects of the drug are depression and suicidal thoughts. Which was a dark time for him. Health issues with his dad, private family issues with their kids. A build up of lots of little things all at once.

Jen pivoted at that time, and he wasn't able to do so. Kind of the beginning of the end of them (bolded part implied not outright said). Going through these things together, but making it out on their own (summary of his actual words).

- I'll listen to the rest later and provide an update if someone else doesn't.

I kept listening, because that's when it got good:

He was distant and angry for a good three years before the split.

The last straw was life altering event of his friend Scott dying in the golf cart accident. Brandon was driving. He watched him die slowly for 2 ½ months. One night took bottle of Jameson, and hydrocodone (oxy from the back pain) and took off on his bike one night. From that point he was just angry. Angry at god, at Jen, at life. Three year spiral went from there.

He said he’s done things he will regret the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to make excuses, but also don’t want this to define him. No excuse that makes it okay to do certain things in life. It effected his marriage so deeply, and he thought it would self-correct. But there was no reconnection of the intimacy and closeness they had before 2017. She couldn’t fix him because he didn’t know what was going on with him. He admits to wasting money in stupid and ridiculous ways. He felt the marriage was over, and he gave up.

He went from finding something to be angry about, to entitlement, to justifying his actions. Then he found an ally and emotionally began to connect with her. Then it became physical. He was caught two months later. So that must get us to July 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow I just listened to the first of the podcasts that Brandon is on and I went from pretty much thinking he was the worst to being very sympathetic at the end. A lot of good insight into what happened at the end of their marriage. I certainly do not think anyone deserves to be cheated on but he does a very good job of explaining how he got there without blaming anyone but himself.

I am 100% with you on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I just listened to the first of the podcasts that Brandon is on and I went from pretty much thinking he was the worst to being very sympathetic at the end. A lot of good insight into what happened at the end of their marriage. I certainly do not think anyone deserves to be cheated on but he does a very good job of explaining how he got there without blaming anyone but himself.

I am 100% with you on this.

I don't know. He doesn't seem that he's changed all that much. Yes he's dealing with trauma, but still has a lot of work to do.

He said not an alcoholic, but he’s abused alcohol. He quit for three months, now drinks on weekends. He said his issues are rooted in trauma, not addiction. He’s been working through trauma and childhood issues.

The downfall of his marriage is from trauma, alcohol, pills, cheating, and anger. He's only addressing the trauma, hoping the other things just stop being issues. Maybe that will work, but it seems like a half measure.

[Anonymous]

pills: Gabapentin, Oxy, Lexapro, Xanax - all prescribed

add in the drinking, and it's a terrible combination.

[Anonymous]

Glennon has her podcast with Jen from April in transcript form on her Momastery site. I copied and pasted it here:

Jen Hatmaker:

But in short, I was married for 26 years and I got married, every time I say this, I just have a stab of horror, but I got married when I was 19 and Brandon, my ex-husband was 21. We were in college and we were in a conservative Christian college environment, which is just to say, it’s a very strange place. It’s a very strange ecosystem in and of itself. And a bunch of little babies get married there. And that seems normal. And we have real weddings. Our parents give us away like it’s a normal thing. She’s 19, she makes $4.25 at the YMCA. Go be a wife. You know what I’m saying? What the hell? What the hell are we doing?

Jen Hatmaker:

So I started really young. I was never really an adult a single day in my life without a man. I went straight from my dad to a boy. So we built a whole life, a whole life. We grew up together essentially. And we had three kids and then we adopted two more. Ben and Remy are our youngest, they’re Ethiopian and we adopted them when they were five and eight and built this entire Hatmaker ethos. And then in 2020, just after the pandemic started, so that was already, we were just already all flailing around and we started the divorce process. And for us, it wasn’t a slow burn. It wasn’t a mutual… we are devolving or disconnecting or we’ve been working and working and we can’t get these things resolved. It wasn’t like that. It was overnight, it was shock and awe. It was one day you know something, and the next day, you know something different. And there isn’t recovery from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where Brandon's path went sideways (summary of first part of episode 1):

He and Jen reexamined their position on homosexuality and how that related to their faith. Before they announced their change it was leaked. Which caused a loss of followers, church goers, they received hate mail, burned books etc.

This led Brandon to a loss of faith, loss of identity, loss of career, medical issues- surgeries, etc. Then underwent the surgeries and was prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain. Side effects of the drug are depression and suicidal thoughts. Which was a dark time for him. Health issues with his dad, private family issues with their kids. A build up of lots of little things all at once.

Jen pivoted at that time, and he wasn't able to do so. Kind of the beginning of the end of them (bolded part implied not outright said). Going through these things together, but making it out on their own (summary of his actual words).

- I'll listen to the rest later and provide an update if someone else doesn't.

I kept listening, because that's when it got good:

He was distant and angry for a good three years before the split.

The last straw was life altering event of his friend Scott dying in the golf cart accident. Brandon was driving. He watched him die slowly for 2 ½ months. One night took bottle of Jameson, and hydrocodone (oxy from the back pain) and took off on his bike one night. From that point he was just angry. Angry at god, at Jen, at life. Three year spiral went from there.

He said he’s done things he will regret the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to make excuses, but also don’t want this to define him. No excuse that makes it okay to do certain things in life. It effected his marriage so deeply, and he thought it would self-correct. But there was no reconnection of the intimacy and closeness they had before 2017. She couldn’t fix him because he didn’t know what was going on with him. He admits to wasting money in stupid and ridiculous ways. He felt the marriage was over, and he gave up.

He went from finding something to be angry about, to entitlement, to justifying his actions. Then he found an ally and emotionally began to connect with her. Then it became physical. He was caught two months later. So that must get us to July 2020.

He stayed with his sister for two weeks when he was kicked out. Then he went to rehab, but again it was trauma rehab more than drug/alcohol rehab. He left feeling he resolved his issues (or was at least on the right path), but once he got back to Texas he had to spend the next two years dealing with the fall out of his actions and the trauma he's caused for those around him. 2020-2022 will be in the second part of the podcast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where Brandon's path went sideways (summary of first part of episode 1):

He and Jen reexamined their position on homosexuality and how that related to their faith. Before they announced their change it was leaked. Which caused a loss of followers, church goers, they received hate mail, burned books etc.

This led Brandon to a loss of faith, loss of identity, loss of career, medical issues- surgeries, etc. Then underwent the surgeries and was prescribed Gabapentin for nerve pain. Side effects of the drug are depression and suicidal thoughts. Which was a dark time for him. Health issues with his dad, private family issues with their kids. A build up of lots of little things all at once.

Jen pivoted at that time, and he wasn't able to do so. Kind of the beginning of the end of them (bolded part implied not outright said). Going through these things together, but making it out on their own (summary of his actual words).

- I'll listen to the rest later and provide an update if someone else doesn't.

I kept listening, because that's when it got good:

He was distant and angry for a good three years before the split.

The last straw was life altering event of his friend Scott dying in the golf cart accident. Brandon was driving. He watched him die slowly for 2 ½ months. One night took bottle of Jameson, and hydrocodone (oxy from the back pain) and took off on his bike one night. From that point he was just angry. Angry at god, at Jen, at life. Three year spiral went from there.

He said he’s done things he will regret the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to make excuses, but also don’t want this to define him. No excuse that makes it okay to do certain things in life. It effected his marriage so deeply, and he thought it would self-correct. But there was no reconnection of the intimacy and closeness they had before 2017. She couldn’t fix him because he didn’t know what was going on with him. He admits to wasting money in stupid and ridiculous ways. He felt the marriage was over, and he gave up.

He went from finding something to be angry about, to entitlement, to justifying his actions. Then he found an ally and emotionally began to connect with her. Then it became physical. He was caught two months later. So that must get us to July 2020.

He stayed with his sister for two weeks when he was kicked out. Then he went to rehab, but again it was trauma rehab more than drug/alcohol rehab. He left feeling he resolved his issues (or was at least on the right path), but once he got back to Texas he had to spend the next two years dealing with the fall out of his actions and the trauma he's caused for those around him. 2020-2022 will be in the second part of the podcast.

Where did I miss that he was kicked out of the first place? I got the impression he was only suppposr to be there a week?

[Anonymous]

I think that means…when he was kicked out by Jen, he stayed with his sister for two weeks. Then from there, he went to OnSite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that means…when he was kicked out by Jen, he stayed with his sister for two weeks. Then from there, he went to OnSite.

Correct, sorry for being vague. I had to type and run