what is it like to be in your mid-thirties in DC single with a child?
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Anonymous
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I have a toddler son and I have been married for 10 years. I am really not happy in my marriage and I have tried everything.
I wonder often what is it like to be in your mid-thirties in DC single with a child? Can you find a happy relationship and the whole package- attractive, attentive, supportive and good father? Can a second husband treat my son as his own? So I am asking you here wise ladies- what do you know about this from your own experience or experiences that your friends have had. Has anyone you know found or not found happiness the second time around if they have kids from previous marriage. Thank you in advance for your honesty! |
Anonymous
| Why can't you be happy by yourself? |
Anonymous
| I can stay single for a few years, in fact if we are to separate or divorce I will definitely stay on my own for a while (maybe a year) to just concentrate on myself and my son and work on myself. But I would eventually want to be in happy relationship with someone, that is what I really want. |
Anonymous
| Hi all, I really am having a hard time right now and have had for a long time....I am afraid there are no options for us other then divorce and I am scared. I would love to hear actual experiences. |
Anonymous
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guy here - I'm in my early 40s with one DD, divorced for a a couple of years now. if you focus on yourself and your DC, heal from the divorce, and build and lead the life you want, yes, life can and will be spectacular for you.
and yes, you can find love again - it take time b/c now their is more at stake obviously. but here's the thing, I don't women who can't understand what it means to be a parent - even if only 50% of the time - I just won't waste my time. I did meet someone (single mom) online, had an intense, good but short-lived relationship (she moved to the west coast) but I have found that there are a lot options out there - you just need to be open to it, and if you're at peace and living a good life, you will find love again. |
Anonymous
Your child already has a father, right? Why the need for 2? |
Anonymous
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Yes, that is true, and my current husband is a very dedicated father. But I want a possible future partner to be a good father too since our child will spend time with him possibly. Plus I would like the option to have more kids.
Thanks for the comments from the guy here, that is nice to know. Any there any single moms that are willing to share their experiences? |
Anonymous
| Just to clarify- me and my husband are nice people, even if we get divorce and bitterness follows from it ( which is normal) I know that we will always be very dedicated parents to our son. |
Anonymous
| I'm 36, and single with a 10 yr old daughter. I date, but am not serious with anyone. Absolutely there are men who make great stepfathers. |
Anonymous
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What I wonder is if the men that make great stepfathers are also the ones that I would be attracted to and would like to date.
Can I ask you, why are you not serious with anyone you date? Do you not like them enough? Do you have a hard time finding men that you would like to be with in a more serious relationship? |
Anonymous
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I'm 36 y/o mom with a tween. I date, but not seriously. I tried for a while, but I couldn't balance my child's needs and my partner's needs. I can't spend 2-3 evenings a week going out to see someone and parent effectively.
My partner wanted a parenting position, but couldn't deal with my daughter's father having the final say in some matters. That was frustrating. My daughter has 2 parents to make the big decisions. |
Anonymous
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NP here - 19:02 - that sucks and kinda sends up a red flag (and I'm a guy). any single parent would and should know better about having a 'say' in the life of his/her SO's other own kid.
IMHO, only when you become a family can that new step-parent have some input (for you to consider) into decisions affecting your child but that is still your and your ex's call at the end of the day |
Anonymous
I agree with this. Op, I am 30 and single with a preschooler so a little different. Most of my single mom friends are now remarried, engaged, or in long term relationships. I am the anomaly. I have met good guys who were long term potential, just not at the right time. DC was a horrible sleeper the first two years. I had a lot on my plate and tried a relationship briefly but was not a good girlfriend.lol I fell asleep on well put together dates, more than once. So I went back to dating. I am ready for a relationship now, however. I think mid 30s is a good age. Having kids at that age isn't a shock or outlier and there is a pretty decent pool of divorced men. You and your ex would have little problem dating if you are splitting custody. |
Anonymous
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That's very reassuring to know. I am a little older than you, in my mid 30s, but hopefully I still have options. My problem is that I don't have any family around, but I have been finally having the time to make new friends- because that alone is so hard in this city- so hopefully things will work out.
For your girlfriends that found second husbands- how did they find them? Online or through friends? Other than the fact they are in commited relationship are they happy or did they have to make big compomises to be with guys willing to date them? Thank you so much, It is so scary thinking about it right now.... |
Anonymous
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23:23 here. I was in a friend's wedding last year who is newly 35 now. They met at work. Officially anyway. They went to college together and he liked her but she didn't remember him and was dating her first husband then. He is a good guy. In fact, he has tried to hook me up with two of his friends already. At the wedding, his only single friend was paired with me and he was watching for sparks between us the whole time. He also asked me point blank if I wanted someone special to spend life with. He tried to hook me up with a colleague of his too. To be honest, I regret not taking him up on that offer. When they were newlyweds, I think he was on cloud nine and wanted everyone to be happy.
My engaged friend met the guy online. She has never been married and he has two kids also. By far, the kindest guy she has ever dated. She is the nurturing kind and attracted users. Her ex is a great dad, fortunately. Her fiancé seems to be a giver, just like her. He moved to be with her. His kids are older and will spend summers and breaks here. Kids meshed well. They also have one on the way (recent news). Another GF has 4 kids with her ex-hubby who abused her. Met new spouse just before her divorce was finalized and gave him hell initially because she swore she was done with men. He now raises the kids as his own. 5 years so far. Other married GF was a teen mom, finished college, met her now hubby in her mid 20s. They had more kids and she is a SAHM. Great guy. I met her through her hubby who was trying to find her friends when they moved from their hometown. Total hottie and he has admirers. He is either oblivious or pretending to be. My other friend is divorced and has no desire to remarry. She has been in a long term relationship since the divorce and they would be remarried if she was open to it. I used to hang out with my best male friend and his boys for years and there is one that I thought would never be marriage material. He's very attractive and a former college athlete... met a single mom almost two years ago, and he is an awesome guy now. He is the guy I would never hook up previously and now I use him as an example with the other guys (who clown him for being whipped). Engaged. Early 30s couple. Aside from my gf with 4 kids, the rest had 1 child when they met their partners. I did date a divorced guy with two kids last year who said he only dates women with kids because it's much easier. Most of the guys I have dated don't have kids but want them. I would like one more myself. Hope that helps. |