what is it like to be in your mid-thirties in DC single with a child?

[Anonymous]

I forgot to answer your questions for some of my GFs. The one with 4 kids met her now hubby on a blind date she was forced to go on by another friend. Their story is funny because she broke a lot of dating etiquette rules. Was rude, told him she was only there because she was forced and he was wasting his time if he thought she'd ever sleep with him. Told him his choice of restaurant was lame. She admits to being a total b@$@$ so that nobody would try to set her up again. She is really happy and so are her kids. Their father hasn't called since he threatened to kill her on the phone and her now husband called and had a man to man with him. Mid 30s now. Gf who is a SAHM chief complaint is the hit her husband's demanding career has taken to hers. She's happy but admits it's been an adjustment learning to be vulnerable and allow someone else to provide after so many years. He spoils her and usually when she is trying to chime in with a "silly men" anecdote, we all end up taking his side.lol A mutual guy friend hooked them up. My gf in a LTR met him at a club.

I will say that my friends' relationships are a great reminder to me that love is out there for anyone willing to receive it. You can meet your life partner anywhere. Work, blind date, thru friends, online, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:23:23 here. I was in a friend's wedding last year who is newly 35 now. They met at work. Officially anyway. They went to college together and he liked her but she didn't remember him and was dating her first husband then. He is a good guy. In fact, he has tried to hook me up with two of his friends already. At the wedding, his only single friend was paired with me and he was watching for sparks between us the whole time. He also asked me point blank if I wanted someone special to spend life with. He tried to hook me up with a colleague of his too. To be honest, I regret not taking him up on that offer. When they were newlyweds, I think he was on cloud nine and wanted everyone to be happy.

My engaged friend met the guy online. She has never been married and he has two kids also. By far, the kindest guy she has ever dated. She is the nurturing kind and attracted users. Her ex is a great dad, fortunately. Her fiancé seems to be a giver, just like her. He moved to be with her. His kids are older and will spend summers and breaks here. Kids meshed well. They also have one on the way (recent news).

Another GF has 4 kids with her ex-hubby who abused her. Met new spouse just before her divorce was finalized and gave him hell initially because she swore she was done with men. He now raises the kids as his own. 5 years so far. Other married GF was a teen mom, finished college, met her now hubby in her mid 20s. They had more kids and she is a SAHM. Great guy. I met her through her hubby who was trying to find her friends when they moved from their hometown. Total hottie and he has admirers. He is either oblivious or pretending to be. My other friend is divorced and has no desire to remarry. She has been in a long term relationship since the divorce and they would be remarried if she was open to it.

I used to hang out with my best male friend and his boys for years and there is one that I thought would never be marriage material. He's very attractive and a former college athlete... met a single mom almost two years ago, and he is an awesome guy now. He is the guy I would never hook up previously and now I use him as an example with the other guys (who clown him for being whipped). Engaged. Early 30s couple.

Aside from my gf with 4 kids, the rest had 1 child when they met their partners. I did date a divorced guy with two kids last year who said he only dates women with kids because it's much easier. Most of the guys I have dated don't have kids but want them. I would like one more myself.

Hope that helps.

Either you and your friends are ridiculously cute, or this happy endings are really possible Thank you so much for sharing this.

If anyone else has any good or bad stories please do share.

[Anonymous]

OK, OP, I have one more story.LOL

Not a friend, but a colleague. Early 40s now but got separated/divorced in her late 30s with 2 young kids (3yo and an infant). Don't know why they divorced. Met new hubby while going through divorce via work. Flirted for about a year back and forth and then dated. They were married last year. He was also a divorced dad, attractive too.

I would still say work on your marriage as much as possible before jumping out there. Some of the women I mentioned kissed alot of frogs before meeting the right guy.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on a lot of factors. I've been a single mom since I was 36. I won't lie, I don't date much. The pool of eligible, smart, funny, nice guys is not huge in the first place at my age, and when you only have 2 nights a week away from the kid, it's hard to find time to really get out there and look for one. The guys I've dated have been fine with me having a kid, though they're sometimes clueless on what it means, schedule-wise.

Some of my friends have had an easier time of it. I do know single moms who date ALL the time. In most cases, they are either super hot or really using the online dating. Online dating is definitely the easiest way to meet guys if you put the time into it.

I will warn you - even more than dating, it can be really hard to juggle everything when you're a single mom. You're managing your schedule, your kid's schedule, probably your ex's schedule, all appointments, all activities, all school stuff, all research (daycare, preschool, schools, etc.), all the school clothes and supplies... that's on top of your job, your social life, your workouts, and keeping up with a house/yard/etc. I have more energy/organization skills than most and even I find it overwhelming at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's very reassuring to know. I am a little older than you, in my mid 30s, but hopefully I still have options. My problem is that I don't have any family around, but I have been finally having the time to make new friends- because that alone is so hard in this city- so hopefully things will work out.

For your girlfriends that found second husbands- how did they find them? Online or through friends? Other than the fact they are in commited relationship are they happy or did they have to make big compomises to be with guys willing to date them?

Thank you so much, It is so scary thinking about it right now....

30 is very different from 35. Getting a divorce with merely a hope to find someone better is totally crazy at your age.

[Anonymous]

What are the divorce stats for second marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's very reassuring to know. I am a little older than you, in my mid 30s, but hopefully I still have options. My problem is that I don't have any family around, but I have been finally having the time to make new friends- because that alone is so hard in this city- so hopefully things will work out.

For your girlfriends that found second husbands- how did they find them? Online or through friends? Other than the fact they are in commited relationship are they happy or did they have to make big compomises to be with guys willing to date them?

Thank you so much, It is so scary thinking about it right now....

30 is very different from 35. Getting a divorce with merely a hope to find someone better is totally crazy at your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's very reassuring to know. I am a little older than you, in my mid 30s, but hopefully I still have options. My problem is that I don't have any family around, but I have been finally having the time to make new friends- because that alone is so hard in this city- so hopefully things will work out.

For your girlfriends that found second husbands- how did they find them? Online or through friends? Other than the fact they are in commited relationship are they happy or did they have to make big compomises to be with guys willing to date them?

Thank you so much, It is so scary thinking about it right now....

30 is very different from 35. Getting a divorce with merely a hope to find someone better is totally crazy at your age.

She wants a "full package" husband with whom she is going to have more children and has only a few years to accomplish all that. Unless she looks like a model and has some other incredible qualities (in which case she would have found the full package the first time around) this is not happening. In fact, it's crazy to even try. If she were content being single that would be another story.

[Anonymous]

I find it curious how everyone's been affirming her choice without questioning why she is prepared to abandon her husband and her child ... all in the hope of finding a new husband that'll really honestly give her more babies within a 5-7 year window.

I mean, she may be 100% justified, but I'm missing the "he beats me, cheats on me, drinks too much" or even the "he yells all the time, works all the time, and can't be arsed to pick up after himself."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it curious how everyone's been affirming her choice without questioning why she is prepared to abandon her husband and her child ... all in the hope of finding a new husband that'll really honestly give her more babies within a 5-7 year window.

I mean, she may be 100% justified, but I'm missing the "he beats me, cheats on me, drinks too much" or even the "he yells all the time, works all the time, and can't be arsed to pick up after himself."

+1
In fact, she said he was a great father and a nice peron. But my guess is, she is not attracted to him. So she is going to find someone better and have children with him, amd all that at the age of 38, and with a small child. Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it curious how everyone's been affirming her choice without questioning why she is prepared to abandon her husband and her child ... all in the hope of finding a new husband that'll really honestly give her more babies within a 5-7 year window.

I mean, she may be 100% justified, but I'm missing the "he beats me, cheats on me, drinks too much" or even the "he yells all the time, works all the time, and can't be arsed to pick up after himself."

+1
In fact, she said he was a great father and a nice peron. But my guess is, she is not attracted to him. So she is going to find someone better and have children with him, amd all that at the age of 38, and with a small child. Yeah right.

Ok, then what are the options? Stay as it is, unhappy and carry on? Are you saying that there is no hope either way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it curious how everyone's been affirming her choice without questioning why she is prepared to abandon her husband and her child ... all in the hope of finding a new husband that'll really honestly give her more babies within a 5-7 year window.

I mean, she may be 100% justified, but I'm missing the "he beats me, cheats on me, drinks too much" or even the "he yells all the time, works all the time, and can't be arsed to pick up after himself."

+1
In fact, she said he was a great father and a nice peron. But my guess is, she is not attracted to him. So she is going to find someone better and have children with him, amd all that at the age of 38, and with a small child. Yeah right.

Ok, then what are the options? Stay as it is, unhappy and carry on? Are you saying that there is no hope either way?

Hope for what? A fantasy husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it curious how everyone's been affirming her choice without questioning why she is prepared to abandon her husband and her child ... all in the hope of finding a new husband that'll really honestly give her more babies within a 5-7 year window.

I mean, she may be 100% justified, but I'm missing the "he beats me, cheats on me, drinks too much" or even the "he yells all the time, works all the time, and can't be arsed to pick up after himself."

+1
In fact, she said he was a great father and a nice peron. But my guess is, she is not attracted to him. So she is going to find someone better and have children with him, amd all that at the age of 38, and with a small child. Yeah right.

Ok, then what are the options? Stay as it is, unhappy and carry on? Are you saying that there is no hope either way?

Hope for what? A fantasy husband?

OP here. What are you talking about? You don't even know my situation to pass judgements. The intent of this post was not for me to discuss my marital problems, I wanted to hear account from people that have been in my situation and looking for a partner. And many people have shared their experiences, which I do appreciate.

And yes, I am content with staying single. But not forever. No one would want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's very reassuring to know. I am a little older than you, in my mid 30s, but hopefully I still have options. My problem is that I don't have any family around, but I have been finally having the time to make new friends- because that alone is so hard in this city- so hopefully things will work out.

For your girlfriends that found second husbands- how did they find them? Online or through friends? Other than the fact they are in commited relationship are they happy or did they have to make big compomises to be with guys willing to date them?

Thank you so much, It is so scary thinking about it right now....

30 is very different from 35. Getting a divorce with merely a hope to find someone better is totally crazy at your age.

Do you have a personal experience with this or know someone that has gone through something like this with a child? At 35.

[Anonymous]

My friends and I found it difficult to find decent men to date and marry when we were in our thirties and child-free. And it's much much harder in their forties, both with and without children. You may be lucky and find a hidden gem, but please be really sure you will be happy being a single parent before you divorce. From what I've seen, it's ugly out there and there's a lot of competition for a few fish. None of my friends who are single parents with children have remarried.