Attention people with furloughed spouses?

[Anonymous]

How's it going? Anyone want to vent?

I'm trying to be supportive and lift his spirits because I see the situation is making him depressed, but I feel like I have another kid who needs me to be the mature one and an endless source of support without needing it myself. We're lucky to have plenty of savings which at least eases my stress and while I'm usually the one who revolved her work scheduled around the kids, not DH can be the go to parent while I work more. He always thought I was so lucky and had it easy to take care of so much kid stuff. Now he's losing his mind with them, but he will never admit that he was wrong about having it easy. He doesn't want to make our dinners, which doesn't bother me so much because I usually like cooking and I get to decide what to make us. I suggested when the kids are at school he could meet up with other furloughed friends some and enjoy this imposed break. If they don't want to spend money getting lunch, rent a movie or something. He won't make a move and he just mopes around. He is trying to be helpful-cleaning, etc and I really appreciate that. I'm just sick of the moping! I know it could be so much worse, but I'm just venting a bit.

I am really looking forward to him going back to work!

[Anonymous]

He should be making dinner for the family since hes not working and you are

[Anonymous]

OP here. I work part time so it's not a big deal for me to make dinner. I just want the moping to stop!

[Anonymous]

I am the furloughed spouse.

My H is excepted.

I am starting to feel taken advantage of since he leaves his dirty dishes on the counter every morning when he walks out the door, won't clean the dirty dishes after I make dinner (which has always been our deal, always, whomever doesn't cook cleans), and has stopped taking out the trash.

I'm now home and caring all day for our 3 year old. I'm so irritated that he thinks I should just do everything.

[Anonymous]

My furloughed spouse is partying like a maniac.

[Anonymous]

As the furloughed spouse, I sympathize with your DH. It's getting tough, mentally. I made a long list of household projects that kept getting put off, thinking it would be more than enough to see me through a shutdown, and I'm almost done with the list. It's isolating and really demoralizing to be kicked out, not know when you can go back, have your fiscal future in the hands of people who see you as a pawn at best, and to hear people say "hey, at least you have a job, you lazy parasite - enjoy your paid vacation!"

All that said, it's still on your DH to figure out how to not mope. It's not right for him to take it out on you, intentionally or unintentionally. He is a voting adult, and he needs to sack up and figure out how to take care of himself so he doesn't dump it all on you. How, I don't know (since it's different for everyone) but I just wanted to give you some support as a furloughed fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the furloughed spouse.

My H is excepted.

I am starting to feel taken advantage of since he leaves his dirty dishes on the counter every morning when he walks out the door, won't clean the dirty dishes after I make dinner (which has always been our deal, always, whomever doesn't cook cleans), and has stopped taking out the trash.

I'm now home and caring all day for our 3 year old. I'm so irritated that he thinks I should just do everything.

Furloughed fed here, and if you have more free time, you take on more chores. Your H should be appreciative, but yes, you should still be picking up more slack. And what did you do for child care when you were working, and why aren't you doing it now?

[Anonymous]

Boohoo. contractors and local shop owners are the real victims, you will get back pay

[Anonymous]

my furloughed spouse is working on other projects that may lead to employment outside the govt.

I work part time with very flexible hours so I get stuff done around the house during the week. It is very annoying to have him there all the time. No solitude for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boohoo. contractors and local shop owners are the real victims, you will get back pay

20:51 here -- behold exhibit one.

[Anonymous]

My DH has been making more dinners and doing the clean up. But he was just called in so it all ends tomorrow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the furloughed spouse, I sympathize with your DH. It's getting tough, mentally. I made a long list of household projects that kept getting put off, thinking it would be more than enough to see me through a shutdown, and I'm almost done with the list. It's isolating and really demoralizing to be kicked out, not know when you can go back, have your fiscal future in the hands of people who see you as a pawn at best, and to hear people say "hey, at least you have a job, you lazy parasite - enjoy your paid vacation!"

All that said, it's still on your DH to figure out how to not mope. It's not right for him to take it out on you, intentionally or unintentionally. He is a voting adult, and he needs to sack up and figure out how to take care of himself so he doesn't dump it all on you. How, I don't know (since it's different for everyone) but I just wanted to give you some support as a furloughed fed.

OP here. I appreciate hearing your side. I guess I could see getting depressed if financially we were on the brink, but since we are savers I can sleep at night. I guess my personality is different from his. There are things that get me depressed, but if the tables were turned I don't think I would be depressed. I'd be socializing with other friends in the same boat and finding other ways to enjoy the downtime. Maybe when I attached so much of my identity to my job it would have hit hard and I guess that is what is happening with him.

[Anonymous]

Repeat after me: back pay is not guranteed. It has not passed the Senate yet.

My furloughed spouse did pick up some childd care duty but that has fallen off. He hasn't picked up any chores.

I'm ready to thwack him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the furloughed spouse, I sympathize with your DH. It's getting tough, mentally. I made a long list of household projects that kept getting put off, thinking it would be more than enough to see me through a shutdown, and I'm almost done with the list. It's isolating and really demoralizing to be kicked out, not know when you can go back, have your fiscal future in the hands of people who see you as a pawn at best, and to hear people say "hey, at least you have a job, you lazy parasite - enjoy your paid vacation!"

All that said, it's still on your DH to figure out how to not mope. It's not right for him to take it out on you, intentionally or unintentionally. He is a voting adult, and he needs to sack up and figure out how to take care of himself so he doesn't dump it all on you. How, I don't know (since it's different for everyone) but I just wanted to give you some support as a furloughed fed.

OP here. I appreciate hearing your side. I guess I could see getting depressed if financially we were on the brink, but since we are savers I can sleep at night. I guess my personality is different from his. There are things that get me depressed, but if the tables were turned I don't think I would be depressed. I'd be socializing with other friends in the same boat and finding other ways to enjoy the downtime. Maybe when I attached so much of my identity to my job it would have hit hard and I guess that is what is happening with him.

PP you're quoting - we're savers too, so thankfully, I'm not dealing with the anxiety either. And I agree about socializing and finding activities, but we're at almost 2 solid weeks here -- it's getting hard to fill the days. I think you're on the right track remembering that it's about how he deals with it, not how you would deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I did not know back pay had not passed in the Senate yet.