"What do you look for in a man?"

[Anonymous]

As I tackle the dating world, friends ask me this, and I never quite know how to answer. I do better with answering specific questions. (ex. Do I want a smoker? No.)
They're asking to see if they know anyone who fits what I'm looking for.

So I ask you, ever-helpful DCUM, what are some questions I should be asking when looking for the right guy?

TIA!

[Anonymous]

a lot of the potential advice will only be helpful with a little context from you -

- are you in your 20s, 30s 40s?
- never been married or are you divorced?
- kids or no kids?
- trying to be somewhat objective, how would you describe your own physical appearance?

- what age range in men are you interested in? are you only looking for men who've never been married or maybe have been divorced? kids or no kids?
- is race an issue? any minimum education or similar job-related requirements?
- any physical attributes you require? any habits are considered a must or deal-breaker?

depending on how you answer some of the above, the advice/questions will obviously be differentiated.

[Anonymous]

Kindness.

[Anonymous]

Well considering that none of us on this forum know you personally OP, we are all going to assume you are a decent woman w/a huge heart and a lot of common sense to boot!

I would just say you are seeking the basic fundamentals that ALL women want from a man these days.

Someone who is of good and moral character, is financially responsible + stable, has a ton of integrity as well as someone who can make one laugh, is intelligent and very laid back and comfortable in his own skin.

Any woman who would disagree w/any of these must not have a pulse!! LOL.

Anyway OP, I wish you all the best in your dating endeavors.

Lucky for you to have people who are willing to play Cupid for you!

Let's hope he aims at the right person!!

[Anonymous]

I think having the same religious view is VERY important. If you are not religious, I think it's best to be matched with someone who is also not religious.

[Anonymous]

My #1 priority in a partner is emotional support.

[Anonymous]

3:13 thank you! Online dating hasn't been great for me, so I will happily accept any possibilities that friends think of! All of your points are good ones.

8:28 thank you! That is exactly what I meant. Something I might not think of own my own, but it is important.

1:54 I can see how answering the questions would help create specific questions for me, but I was hoping for broad questions that I might not think of on my own.

For example:
religious views
whether or not he wants kids
political views

[Anonymous]

religious views
whether or not he wants kids
political views

These can all change. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

$

[Anonymous]

I feel like OP needs to ask herself, really ask herself who she is and what she is looking for. If you can't answer this simple question how will you know which guy is right for you?

Values, how handle money, high energy, low energy, dogs or no dogs, city living or suburbs, children or not, number of children, family interactions.... sense of humor funny or sarcastic, religion, messy or neat, smoking or non smoking, physically active and what kind of activity.... run, bike, swim, gym, etc, politics, do you like to travel... what kind of travel

[Anonymous]

the difficulty is that you can ask questions to potential guys but it's those questions that will differ depending on where you are in your own life and what age group you are 'targeting'

whether or not a man wants kids or is family-oriented - this very much depends on how old he is - it's perhaps not reasonable to expect a 25 year old man to be thinking of settling down whereas a 38 year old would have a very different answer/view

with regard to employment, a guy in mid 20s may not be 100% settled on his career, may want to go back to school. A guy in his late 30s or early 40s, well you can get a very clear sense of his happiness, work ambition, ability to bring home a decent salary for the family (not that he has to be the only income earner).

but apart from the above, you can get a sense of his spirit, open-mindedness by asking about his travels (hope he has a passport and has used it), hobbies (hopefully it's more than watching TV), family (is he close to his parents/siblings), kinds of holiday traditions he likes (say a lot about a person).

GL

[Anonymous]

Morals. Not necessarily religious related. But how you treat people. Given the opportunity, would you steal money left lying around? Cheat if you knew you wouldn't get caught? Nice or mean to kids and pets? How does he treat wait staff? Does he drive like an Ahole?

[Anonymous]

Can't be crazy.I can't handle a guy who loses it from time to time.

[Anonymous]

Here are things that I made sure my boyfriend had when he started talking about marriage so I would know how to steer that conversation:

1. Education
2. Drive
3. Financial stability. He didn't have to be well-off, but did have to be capable of budgeting and make good financial decisions, had to have financial restraint, and make long-term financial goals
4. Clean nails
5. No bad breath
6. Likes dogs
7. Had to be funny. Humor lessens stress.
8. Has to be mentally stable. I know my limits.
9. Has to be better with kids than I am (I'm not good).
10. Has to have confidence. Not the cocky arrogant confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$

+ No minor children.
Parents are dead or gaga in fully funded nursing homes in Florida, preferably in hurricane country.
No crazy exes.
No gun nuts, hunters, or sports enthusiasts.