"What do you look for in a man?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here are things that I made sure my boyfriend had when he started talking about marriage so I would know how to steer that conversation:

1. Education
2. Drive
3. Financial stability. He didn't have to be well-off, but did have to be capable of budgeting and make good financial decisions, had to have financial restraint, and make long-term financial goals
4. Clean nails
5. No bad breath
6. Likes dogs
7. Had to be funny. Humor lessens stress.
8. Has to be mentally stable. I know my limits.
9. Has to be better with kids than I am (I'm not good).
10. Has to have confidence. Not the cocky arrogant confidence.

Why would a guy marry a woman whos not good with kids?

[Anonymous]

I guess he wouldn't care if he didn't want any

[Anonymous]

I would tell them I want the male version of me, and then list what I think are some defining characteristics.

[Anonymous]

Age range, for starters, whether you care if he has kids or not, and any personality traits that are especially important to you. For me, it's brains, humor and independence. If religion or politics are important to you, that's a good thing to mention. (I tend to date people who are less religious and moderate in their political beliefs, on either side of the aisle.)

[Anonymous]

On our first date his car was very clean - but I could tell it wasn't a regular event for this old car. Clearly he had gone to a great deal of effort -for me- to put his best foot forward.

[Anonymous]

Taller than 6', top 5% salary, model looks, nonjudgmental, and a total gentleman, between my age and four years older.

-Average looking urban shrew with 10 extra lbs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taller than 6', top 5% salary, model looks, nonjudgmental, and a total gentleman, between my age and four years older.

-Average looking urban shrew with 10 extra lbs

You're such an ass. No one came close to any such absurd statement. Did you not see the comments about morals? Kindness?

[Anonymous]

OP again. I really appreciate the helpful advice. Choosing to ignore the people trying to get a rise.

I think I remember a post on here where women wrote about things they love about their partner. That thread was great. I should dig for it and take notes from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taller than 6', top 5% salary, model looks, nonjudgmental, and a total gentleman, between my age and four years older.

-Average looking urban shrew with 10 extra lbs

You're such an ass. No one came close to any such absurd statement. Did you not see the comments about morals? Kindness?

Well, lets see if any of those women are young and attractive. I dont think ive ever seen a hottie list "kindness" as something she cares about.

[Anonymous]

So now you are contradicting yourself. You said that an average looking fat chick wants a supermodel. When I point out that the average response on here is "kindness" and "morals", you reply that the women posting must not be hot..... so they must be the average looking fat chicks you were talking about before. Right?

I'll tell you what we are not looking for. YOU

[Anonymous]

I think the complaint is that when a woman is young, attractive and, therefore, has the greatest number of mating options; she often picks men who are not notably kind (or moral).

That suggests "kindness" isn't a very important part of the checklist and only moves up the priority list as her options diminish.

[Anonymous]

When a person matures, hopefully they value other things besides money or hotness.

At least, that seems to be the case when a woman matures. I am sure it is the same for men. That's why you see rich older men with average looking urban shrews with 10 extra pounds so often. Right?

[Anonymous]

< 9 inches or a really cool car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person matures, hopefully they value other things besides money or hotness.

At least, that seems to be the case when a woman matures. I am sure it is the same for men. That's why you see rich older men with average looking urban shrews with 10 extra pounds so often. Right?

Nobody wants a "mature" woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person matures, hopefully they value other things besides money or hotness.

At least, that seems to be the case when a woman matures. I am sure it is the same for men. That's why you see rich older men with average looking urban shrews with 10 extra pounds so often. Right?

Women tend to "peak" in terms of sexual attractiveness in men pretty early on. Men look for many things in long-term partners; but their desire to have sex with a woman is primarily based on physical qualities more normally associated with younger women. The fact that their peak sexual attractiveness coincides with a time of relative immaturity makes it tough to determine whether a pretty young thing is picking the unkind, impolite jock asshole a couple years older than her because: a) that's what she likes when she has the option to land whoever she wants; or b) because, regardless of options, attraction to assholes is present when she's immature but is not present when she matures.

Men tend to "peak" in sexual attractiveness later on. It's not just a function of physical appearance but also tends to be correlated with things like social status, money, and power. The latter tend to take longer for a guy to acquire. But, very often, by the time men peak, they are already legally entangled with a woman and having children with her. Which would explain why a man with better options now is with one of those "urban shrews." He struck a deal when she was peaking and he was at a relatively low mark for the "market."

This is all very simplistic of course. I think there is plenty of truth in this way of looking at things; but it's not the whole truth. My "value" on such a scale has probably increased and my wife's has probably decreased since we got married. But, I love her and the life and family we have created. Sexually, my main knock against her is not her appearance but her relative lack of effort.