If you dated an emotionally distant person

[Anonymous]

I am dating a man who has been through a very difficult time in the last year or so. He's been through a painful divorce and is in the process of mourning and rebuilding his life. I like this man very much. And I think he feels the same way about me. But I think he's keeping me at a distance emotionally because he's afraid of being hurt again.

I wanted to hear from folks who have been in a similar situation. I am wondering if I am patient and loving, if eventually he will come to trust me. Has it worked out that way for anyone out there?

[Anonymous]

Run, girl, run! And don't look back.

[Anonymous]

As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean when you say he's emotionally distant? How does that manifest in your relationship?

(I worry sometimes that people would call me distant, because I have a difficult time expressing my emotions, but I absolutely feel them as deeply as anyone else does.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

+ 1000. You don't need this shit in your life. Move on ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

+ 1000. You don't need this shit in your life. Move on ASAP.

+2000

Have faith that its the reason he is divorced.

[Anonymous]

Men are not projects to be fixed. If he is an emotionally distant person, he will always be an emotionally distant person. I agree 100% that it probably was a factor that led to his divorced. Find someone with less baggage or be prepared to pay the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would get out of the situation. The best person to be with is one who loves you as much as you love them. Why accept someone who is unable to meet your emotional needs?

[Anonymous]

If he does not fulfill you in every way, emotional?y included, then why be with him? I agree with others that the divorce most likely did not make him emotionless and that he was always like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

+ 1000. You don't need this shit in your life. Move on ASAP.

+2000

Have faith that its the reason he is divorced.

+3000 I got involved with such a guy who was also married. Trust me, it will not end well for you.

[Anonymous]

Emotional support is my #1 priority in a partner. Life is too short to "patiently" wait for someone to come around.

Throw this one back. You won't regret it.

[Anonymous]

I would tread very lightly w/this man OP.

He sounds like he is still in the healing process of his divorce and is in no shape to be jumping into another relationship right now.

I say either date casually and keep any expectations low or if you want something serious, I advise you to keep looking.

Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PPs. The old me WOULD run because I don't usually tolerate any crap. But I really like this guy and I know he's still reeling. I am trying to be patient and loving instead of my usual hard as self. My usual mantra is "love me or leave me".

I also understand that this may not go anywhere, and that I shouldn't plan on spending the rest of my life with this guy at this point, or any time soon. I just wanted to know if someone out there would say, "yeah, when I met my DH he was an emotional wreck.... after 6 months he finally started to trust me.... here we are 15 years later, blissfully married...."

I can dream

[Anonymous]

21:44 has the best advice.

He will soon be on the rebound, and may not be the best fit for you if you are looking for your happy ever after.

The emotional distant part could be because of the divorce, or because that's who he is.

My DH can be emotionally distant - he has Asperger's. Most of the time it's fine, but on a handful of occasions during our 10 year marriage it has been extremely difficult: those were times I needed emotional support and he did not realize he should have stepped up. He is a doctor and has also saved my life. It has no bearing on whether he loves me or not.

So be careful, OP.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to figure out if he is emotionally cautious because of his divorce, or if he is an emotionally distant person in general. (which could have caused or help cause his divorce.) If it's the first thing, you might just be patient and see what happens. I do know men who were hurting from divorce and ended up meeting their next wives during that time and are now happily remarried. But if this guy is distant in general, you are probably better off moving on.