If you dated an emotionally distant person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. He was a victim of domestic violence. Thus the usual baggage of divorce is severely compounded here.....

RED FLAG.

Run now.

Do a background check. Odds are he is the abuser.

--signed abuse survivor whose convicted spouse claims he was the victim.

Actually I am pretty sure in this case. Can't say why.

Unless she was arrested and convicted he is lying. True cases of women abusing men are incredibly rare. Self defense can be easily construed as "abuse." Batterers are very conniving, manipulative people.

Trust me my abuser convinced friends and family I abused him. He was CONVICTED. They still believe because they never saw the bruises all over my body.

[Anonymous]

Are your intials DD?

[Anonymous]

It was another family member in the home who was violent. Not the wife and not female. The married couple could not come to an agreement as to how to resolve the situation. The wife would not take the husband's side to protect his safety.

No my initials are not DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm emotionally distant when under too much stress. The last year and a half has been one very bad loss after another. If I were coupled, it probably would have cost me a relationship by now. I think it has already cost me some friendships.

When I'm not under this kind of stress, being emotionally available takes some effort. It's not my nature to be emotionally open. I'm sure my exes that were needy considered me not emotional enough.

I agree with the PP who said any changes after healing from the divorce are probably not going to be dramatic. It's a bad idea to enter a relationship with someone you feel like you need to change.

This could be me.

When I'm under stress I just need space. I do terrible with needy people in general. However, for some reason i feel great emotional comfort from my children. I'm going through the worst period in my life right now and the only time I can find peace is when with them.

Luckily I married a man who allows me to be me and he knows how I show my love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

This. I am an emotionally distant woman. This is who he is: his divorce has nothing to do with it. It was there before his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that he is getting used to treating you the way he is treating you right now. He is not going to start treating you better when he feels better. He is setting the emotional thermostat of your relationship and it's not going to go up.

This.

[Anonymous]

Stop making excuses for him. This is not some recent thing. It usually comes from childhood.
While it's sad, it's like living next to a heartless person when it suits them.
He cannot access his own feelings. His super power is suppressing/avoiding them. He also leans out of the relationship to destress, not in like most people.
I have seen person (dismissive avoidant) look like a skeleton after 2 days triggered by stress. Don't try to rescue him. He is going to take you down with him. That's how toxic a relationship with DA can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an emotionally-distant man, let me suggest it's his nature and has nothing to do with the divorce. He likely won't change. Act accordingly.

This. I am an emotionally distant woman. This is who he is: his divorce has nothing to do with it. It was there before his marriage.

You needed to bump a 12 year old thread to say this?

[Anonymous]

I broke up with him. I know my worth. I’m not wasting time waiting around for someone to get their shit together. They shouldn’t be dating unless they’re ready to be vulnerable with someone and be present and committed.

[Anonymous]

runnnnn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with him. I know my worth. I’m not wasting time waiting around for someone to get their shit together. They shouldn’t be dating unless they’re ready to be vulnerable with someone and be present and committed.

Interesting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Run, girl, run! And don't look back.

This. Been married to an emotionally distant man for a long time and boy howdy it never gets better.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's a good idea for a woman to marry an emotionally distant man. I think men can live with an emotionally distant woman, but not vice versa. In my opinion, when a woman lacks that emotional connection in a marriage, the marriage will have a hard time surviving. I know some women will now say that men crave that emotional connection as well and they are not wrong. However, I just think it's far more important to women.

[Anonymous]

Frankly, I'm kind of emotionally distant, my husband is not. He won me over by being patient and persistent.

I kind of wish I'd held out for somebody I really fell for. But heck, we are still together 30 years later.