Considering an affair.....is it a huge mistake

[Anonymous]

I am writing hoping to get some good solid advice and respectfully ask that any snide remarks not be given. I have been married for 22 years. My husband and I have an OK relationship, OK sex life, OK everything. The first 5 or 6 years were great but things got into a routine, we got busy raising two kids and things honestly got a little boring but I went with it. I also got married at 23 so was very young.

Anyway, I feel like I am on the verge of having an affair. I dont' want to give too many details but its someone who I know also married and we know each other through our professions. We have had a long time attraction to each other and there have been mild flirtations but thats it. However recently we were both a seminar and a few of us had drinks after and he ended up walking me to my car,nothing happened but the attraction was intense and obvious. He called me yesterday and asked if I could meet him for dinner this week and I promptly said yes even surprising myself. Is this a huge mistake? What does my going say about my feeling for my H? That i no longer love him? I feel so torn. I really don't know what to do. I know if I go something will happen. This is my dlimena and yet if I dont I think I will always wonder and I feel so restless and anxious. I have never been through anything like this EVER. I dont know what to do. TO anyone who has done this...was it worth it or is it always a epic mistake?

[Anonymous]

Read this thread.
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/120/324356.page#4112399

Yes it is an epic mistake but you already know that.

[Anonymous]

Of course it's a huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

I got close and managed to get my wits about me and not.

Had a friend who got close and I managed to tell her my story and convince her not to.

We both didnt. We are both HUGELY RELIEVED.

[Anonymous]

Figure out the cost of divorce and then ask yourself this question. Most people I know found that divorce was a huge financial hit, especially if you've been married for a long time and have lots of assets and your affairs are tied together. Don't forget to consider going forward on your own income alone after you've depleted your savings for lawyers and splitting of assets when you do your financial calculations.

[Anonymous]

Get divorced before you do it, because that's basically what you are choosing here.

[Anonymous]

doesn't mean you dont love your husband. it means you're missing out on some emotional/physical connection--and when you get a little taste it it, it is like heroin. Your husband probably is missing all that too. Do yourself a favor--take the energy that you could have put into an affair (and hiding it) and use it to rediscover a connection with your husband--trips, sex, dates, honesty therapy, whtever it takes. . It is infinitely riskier/harder to do that than it is to embark on an affair and yet the results are a million times better. You owe it to yourself and your husband to give it a shot!

[Anonymous]

This may sound crazy but whose to say your H might also not want a little fun on the side and if so maybe instead of going through the expense and trauma of a divorce you could both have your little affairs, I know someone who does this and honestly thy seem to have an amazing relationship, yes its an open relationship but it works for them.

I think its human nature to feel bored after 22 years of being with the same person. I know plenty will disagree but that is how I feel and that is exactly why i do not get married, have a long term BF who I live with but I will not get married (though he wants to).

[Anonymous]

I couldn't face my parents and kids, so it's a no brainer that this would be a huge mistake.

[Anonymous]

Look, its not complicated. YOu are not enjoying your marriage. Its not exciting for you. You got a thrill from an attraction by someone else. DUH. Of course that feels good.

Good grief- you clearly need to maybe rekindle something with your husband. More work that saying yes to a completely inappropriate invitation, sure. But nothing compared to the work of repeariing a broken family, if that even ends up being an option after you royally fuck things up.

You arent selfish for wanting excitement. You will be, though, if you pursue it this way.

[Anonymous]

How could it possibly NOT be a huge mistake?

[Anonymous]

Having an ok marriage after 22 years is pretty damn good

Don't do it

[Anonymous]

Just think about what would happen if it were found out. What would your husband say, how would he sound, how would he look...Hopefully this will be enough of a downer to negate some of the high you are curently feeling.

[Anonymous]

Get divorced. You know an affair would devastate your husband. If you are okay with devastating someone, then you really don't love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This may sound crazy but whose to say your H might also not want a little fun on the side and if so maybe instead of going through the expense and trauma of a divorce you could both have your little affairs, I know someone who does this and honestly thy seem to have an amazing relationship, yes its an open relationship but it works for them.

I think its human nature to feel bored after 22 years of being with the same person. I know plenty will disagree but that is how I feel and that is exactly why i do not get married, have a long term BF who I live with but I will not get married (though he wants to).

An open relationship is not having affairs. If there is an open relationship where both parties are aware that their spouse is sleeping with others, that is their choice to make. Op does not say she is going to tell/ask her husband if he is okay with her sleeping with her co-worker.