Food and family houseguests
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Anonymous
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One side of the family lives far away, visits for 1-4 weeks/visit, don't rent car, expects us to buy all their food/groceries, mainly site sees with us on weekends, hangs out in the house 24/7, and hates eating out. Are also very particular about having to have foods like fresh bread, cheeses, honey, berries, tea leaves and other perishables.
Any advice on how to get them to not be such homebodies, give us some privacy some days, and pitch in for food costs? Easily for two thirds the meals we are at work, and the current "system" is starting to grate on me. Money is not really an issue for them, they just don't like to spend it or even OFFER to pay for things (but will silently and thanklessly watch you pay). |
Anonymous
| Wow, just don't buy everything for them. Tell them there is an x grocery store down the street if they need to buy anything in particular. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I agree with pps. It's one thin gto stocks grandmas favorite tea and cookies, but what you're doing seems excessive. |
Anonymous
| Give them a map and a bus pass. "have a great day at the Lincoln memorial!" |
Anonymous
| You have to work it out with your spouse who obviously doesn't see it as a problem. |
Anonymous
| Are they middle eastern? Just curious, sounds just like my extended family. |
Anonymous
| You won't get privacy, so you have to leave the house to get privacy. Are these your parents/parents-in-law or are we talking about siblings, cousins, etc.? Bring someone with you to the grocery store "so you can get exactly what you want" and then "forget" your wallet or else just come out and say pleasantly with a big smile "your turn to cover the groceries!" |
Anonymous
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Well. If you the wife and it's it's cultural (Persian, Indian, anything really) and your husbands side of the family, forget it. The dynamic is already set and will be be difficult to break without some drama, tempers and back biting. You can pull the 'forget your wallet thing' but it's not a long term solution -- you could keep doing it with bitchy grin on your face every time but only expect it to get worse and entitlement to come out. Best thing you can do is go to there house and act the same way.
If you're American well, you're luckier haha. They can handle straightforwardness better. |
Anonymous
| Is it a real financial burden? Or just annoying? If it's just annoying, I'd just try to except it and be gracious. |
Anonymous
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I always buy a couple of things that I know my guests like, but not a whole shopping list worth. If they are here for those longer visits, definitely send them to the store.
"Where's my tea?" "We only have liptons" "but I only drink loose leaf tea hand picked by oompa loompas" "here are the car keys. Whole foods is 5 minutes away. Feel free to pick up bread, fruit, or anything else you might need; I wasn't planning on going back to the store for a while " "What's for dinner?" "I have a busy week; let's get take out. Do you mind going to pick it up? Here are the keys" |
Anonymous
+1 - I have used this strategy with my sister. Just buy what you normally would. Add a few things you think they would like and if they want more or you don't have the "right" stuff, loan them the car keys and have them pick it up themselves. |
Anonymous
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How often do they come for these multiweek visits?
If it is once a year I would buy the things you know they like to eat. If it is more often I would buy the basics they like then carry on. I would just answer, "we don't have any sorry, but we have...." if they ask for something you didn't get. |
Anonymous
| What happens when you visit them? |
Anonymous
| Why are there so many doormats on DCUM? |