Troubled Expecting Mom. Don't Know What To Do
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Anonymous
| I am currently 9 weeks pregnant. My partner and I were not trying to conceive, but someone with such a low possibility, it happened. We were using all precautions and it still happened. Right before I found out I was pregnant I was supposed to have surgery. This of course had to be cancelled due to being pregnant. I was weighing the options and trying to determine what to do. This has been such a hard experience for me and has made me depressed. Pretty soon after I found out I became very ill and was diagnosed with hyperemesis. I can't keep anything down, not even water. I am on several medications and have to have iv treatment daily. I am not financially able to take care of a baby. I do have a full time job, but it does not pay well. I never thought I would be a position where I would need to make a choice of either having the child or having an abortion. I have missed a lot of days of work for being so ill and am now being threatened about my job. I don't know what to do. My partner wants more kids, but not now. We always said one day, but not any time soon. I feel as though I am losing my mind. I can't even get out of bed most days due to my condition. There is a chance it could get better but I won't know until after the twelfth week. I welcome any advice you may have. |
Anonymous
| Adoption. It can be open and a lovely experience, though admittedly difficult initially. So many wonderful parents to consider. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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You are probably experiencing terrible morning sickness on top of everything. That part will definitely get better. I remember feeling quite depressed because of it.
How is your relationship with your partner? Do you want to stay together? Are you discussing marriage - do you want to? To me, it's all about that part of it. If you're settled in the relationship and want to have children with that person eventually, then you'll get through it. But, if that's not the case then you really have bigger issues - considering being a single mom. Just remember that the first part of pregnancy is not at all easy and it is normal to feel depressed at that stage. Perhaps talk with your partner ... ? |
jindc
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luckily, you have options - adoption, termination, keeping the baby. Perhaps a visit to a therapist or social worker might be a good start since you still have time to determine the best path - but don't stew on it too long because your options will be more limited by laws and emotions, not what is truly best for you and your family.
you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders to be thinking about whether this is the best choice for you now, and I wish you nothing but luck. |
Anonymous
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OP, that's a tough position.
I was diagnosed with hyperemesis during a wanted pregnancy and was so ill I seriously considered terminating. To the PP suggesting adoption, I could not fathom putting myself through the misery of a HG pregnancy and risking unemployment if I were planning to place my child for adoption. Your HG may get better or it may continue. With my first, it improved at about 16 weeks. With my 2nd (6 years later, that's how long it took me to be okay with going through pregnancy again), it continued right up until my water broke. The site helpher.org might be helpful to you. |
Anonymous
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OP
Although my situation was not the same as you, I have an unexpected pregnancy and I had seriously considered terminating. It was a HARD choice and there is no one right answer. I am now 37 weeks and I am still second guessing our decision to continue the pregnancy. Don't let anyone pressure you. It is your and your partners decision alone. I second the suggestion to see a social worker or therapist to talk it out ASAP. There are several pregnancy hotlines that you could call to get information on resources available. The longer you wait, the fewer options you have. |
Anonymous
| It's ok to have an abortion if you don't want a child now. It really is your decision and can be the best thing depending on your circumstances. Maybe seeing a counselor or calling a hotline (if you can't get out of bed) to talk about this more would be helpful to you? The thing is once you make the decision and do it you have to promise yourself that it is done and that you will not second guess yourself. You make the decision once and have faith in yourself that it will be okay. Expect a hard 3-6 months emotionally as your hormones even out, however based on how ill and stressed you are it may be different for you. Take care. |
Anonymous
| Do what is best for you! |
Anonymous
| Please please speak to a therapist about this. You can go over your options and talk this out. It seems like too much to figure out on your own when you are feeling so poorly. I am really sorry. |
Anonymous
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Also keep in mind what's best for the baby. Do you think now is the time for you to be the best parent you can be? Parenting is always hard, and no one expects parents to be perfect, but if you're just not ready right now but would be at some point in the future, termination might be the best thing not only for you and your partner but also for the baby.
I'm really sorry. Good luck. |
Anonymous
+1. Do what is best for you and your family, including this baby. It may mean finding a way to care for the child with your partner. It may mean finding another family who loves the child like you do but is better able to care for her at this time. I hope you find peace and security either way. |
Anonymous
It may also mean terminating the pregnancy. |
Anonymous
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OP I was just in this position a few mos. back and it was a very grueling experience for me. Having just been in your shoes, I totally can relate to that gut-wrenching feeling of your life being a living hell and not knowing what to do, etc.
I actually conceived at 44 and was not on birth control because I figured at such an advanced age, it was next to impossible, but it happened a few mos. into a bad relationship. I was going to terminate the pregnancy, but thank goodness I actually miscarried on my own. I know that abortion is a very hotly debated topic. People are very passionate about it and are usually on one side of the fence or the other. To be "on the fence" about it is quite rare and it is even more rare for someone to be open-minded about their views on this subject. I want to say that I am glad that in our country, the United States of America, us women have the right to choose a legal AND safe abortion. We are not bound to an unjust nine months of pregnancy just for one unplanned mistake. It seems cruel to put a woman through this and not allow her any other option. Since financially you do not think you can care for a child plus it doesn't sound like emotionally you are ready to be a parent, then I would say exercise your constitutional right to choose. Abortion can be done safely and confidentially and there is little to no recovery time. When the time is right, you will know it, but right now, you are not fit to be a parent. I wouldn't consider adoption considering your job could be at stake regarding your health issues and you missing so much work. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
OP, if you decide to terminate, don't discuss it with friends and family who gossip. Protect your privacy. People can get really heated about this subject. |
Anonymous
| OP, when I was a teenager I accidentally got pregnant. I went to Planned Parenthood. The person I spoke with had me do something that now, 20 years later, I still think was brilliant. She had me write out one month, six months, one year and six years from that date we were sitting there. Then she asked me to visualize how my life would be if I kept, gave up for adoption, and aborted. It really helped me to see how my life would change and the different directions different decisions would control. Before doing that, everything seemed kind of fuzzy to me, but afterwards it all got very clear and there was an obvious choice for me. That was the option I acted on, and I have never for one second regretted it. |