Harvard culture of adults later in life?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Dating a guy very seriously (about to become engaged) who is a great man, who went to Harvard undergrad and got his MBA from HBS. This is the only problem and its not really a huge problem but most of his friends either graduated wiht him or also went to Ivies and I find them rather stuffy. My BF is not this way so I really don't get why he is still so connected to them but think its their school affiliation. I honestly do not enjoy time with them and find them rather pretentious. I don't know if this is the Harvard culture or just this group of people? Anyone know? The few arguments we have had have been over our time spent with them and now we are going to one of the islands over Thanksgiving with four of them and their wives or fiances. I am dreading it......any advice on how to handle it?
In anticipating some of the replies, let me answer now. A. NO I did not attend an Ivy but a very respectable liberal arts college that I am proud to be an alum of B. NO I am not jealous, my laid back ways would not have coincided well with the type A Ivy student that abounds C.I am about to become engaged to him because I really love him and love being with him, just don't particularly like his group of friends. (minus two of them that I really like). |
Anonymous
|
Just be yourself. Sometimes the stuffy uptight people want to break out of their shell but just need someone to show them how.
Love, A Yaley Who Needed a Couple of Friends Like You and Was Fortunate They Didn't Give Up On Her |
Anonymous
| Stuffy how? Examples? |
Anonymous
Did he actually propose? |
Anonymous
| How old are you? The college thing fades in your 30's, an by 40 no one really cares - it's all about how you do professionally. |
Anonymous
|
It's not Harvard -- it's the guy. He either befriends or is befriended by stuffy people. If you don't enjoy spending time with his friends and their spice, don't expect that to change. If he likes your friends and will gravitate into that social orbit, you might be ok. Or if, as a couple, you're making new and different mutually enjoyable friends. If not, it's a relationship issue.
Harvard a big place with a wide variety of students. Neither DH nor I (we met in college) hung out with stuffy people. Even his HLS friends were fine. Bottom line -- this is about choice rather than a lack of options. Seems like you have different tastes in friends. Or it's about the B-school, LOL! It certainly brought out my little brother's least appealing attributes. |
Anonymous
| How old are you? Your group of friends will change again and again as you go through different life stages. Don't worry about his friends, just make sure he is the one for you. |
Anonymous
| Conan O'Brien isn't stuffy. |
Anonymous
I agree. When you are in your twenties friends matter more. By your thirties you'll barely see them anyway, maybe a couple times a month after people marry, move to burbs, etc |
Anonymous
|
I went out on a date in my 20s with a Harvard guy who couldn't stop talking about it. I got up and walked out after half an hour. Just left.
Ran into him recently, at a much older and wiser age. he pretended to be meeting me for the first and i went along. Seems like he's become a sweet guy. So they can grow out of being insufferable. |
Anonymous
| Are you sure he was not pretending? It would fit with your initial impression of the self-absorbed guy. |
Anonymous
| I know plenty of Harvard people representing all sorts of fields. Only stuffy types I have come across were HBS and that's not really the same thing...... You can find stuffy types everywhere - don't let your insecurity get the best of you. If you make this a big deal it will be - enjoy getting to know the many interesting and accomplished people you will surely meet. |
Anonymous
|
I went to Harvard. I only have a few friends from college; most of my friends are from grad school or my volunteer gigs. I don't think my friends from college aren't stuffy. One orders bulk microwave Mac N' Cheese off of the Home Shopping Network. I have been to a Star Trek convention, and I'm typing this at a table I bought for 10 bucks from a guy named Topher who was moving. I don't think we'd qualify for tea with Nana, even if we were inclined toward twinsets and pearls.
I do go to Harvard Club events sometimes, and while most people aren't stuffy, there is a measurable percentage that are pretty insufferable, i.e. concerned with status, obsessed with their own kids getting into Harvard, so concerned about sounding as if they have high standards that they just seem hyper-critical. As a previous poster said, Harvard takes a really mixed bag of people. Almost all have good verbal skills, but that is the only thing they all have in common. |
Anonymous
| Oops , that should read "I don't think my friends from college are stuffy." |
Anonymous
|
OP here, we are both in our early 30's. He is very close to this group, they play squash once or twice a week, have a guys dinner out on a regular basis, play golf together, they are very connected. As I said before two though I really like but there are 3 that to me, are pretty intolerable.
Yes he has proposed, though I am not sure how that question is relevant to what I have asked. Our engagement party is next week if you must know. I agree that many/most grow out of being part of a social clique by the time they mature/reach their 30's but I don't see that happening anytime soon here 
|