Harvard culture of adults later in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, these stereotypes are getting out of control. Plenty of people went to ivies who never talk about it and aren't arrogant.

True, but they don't live here.

Well I'm one. I never, ever talk about it. I think its creepy when people over identify with where they went to college. My college friends never talk about it either.

I don't think my friends that are Ivy realize it so ... maybe you do and maybe you don't. They don't say... I went to <fill in the blank>. But there is something socially that is not always right. I just don't know if you could identify if you are doing it. Can you ask a good friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its me OP-

These guys live eat and breath the crimson tide. They at 30 sing their silly songs (if they have had a few drinks) a few have lockjaw and trust me they all dress the "code". They are often bragging about their golf game, dropping the Harvard name, very absorbed with status but at the same time turning their nose up at anyone who is "ostentatious:" little do they know they are like the poster child.

I just find it all obnoxious. My bf thank God is not this way so much, of the group he is the most laid back but also the most likable and always the one first on any of theirs lists. Crazy smart but not full of himself, fun to be around ,great witty sense of humor and a charmer without trying too hard. So they all formed this really tight bond/cult which on one hand is kind of nice and on the other can feel overbearing.

Of them one is married to a Chinese doctor, two are engaged and one is a "player" as he likes to call himself. A nerdy player (sorry couldn't resist)

Gotta love the nerdy player. Does he wear dress shoes with his jeans?

[Anonymous]

Read this and you will have a better understanding

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/10/education/harvard-business-students-see-class-as-divisive-an-issue-as-gender.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Maybe you are not in "section x"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, these stereotypes are getting out of control. Plenty of people went to ivies who never talk about it and aren't arrogant.

Which is why Ivies get identified with a-holes. Because it's only a-holes that are constantly claiming Ivyness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its me OP-

These guys live eat and breath the crimson tide. They at 30 sing their silly songs (if they have had a few drinks) a few have lockjaw and trust me they all dress the "code". They are often bragging about their golf game, dropping the Harvard name, very absorbed with status but at the same time turning their nose up at anyone who is "ostentatious:" little do they know they are like the poster child.)

Psst, Crimson tide = Alabama. Although you could have fun with that, LOL! Alas, it's probably too late.

[Anonymous]

I had a Yale roommate when I was living in Manhattan, and she had lots of Columbia friends. I went out with them one night, and was involved in a perfectly good conversation with someone. Then they asked me where I went to school. I named it. They looked at me funny. I explained " it's a state school". They said "oh", and then turned their back and walked away.

[Anonymous]

Ivy graduates sometimes have a chip on their shoulder but like with any school, there are plenty who do not. Sounds like he chose a grown up version of arrogant adults aka frat boys as his friends. As long as you love him and that does not interfere with your relationship, sounds like you just need to find a way to tolerate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, we are both in our early 30's. He is very close to this group, they play squash once or twice a week, have a guys dinner out on a regular basis, play golf together, they are very connected. As I said before two though I really like but there are 3 that to me, are pretty intolerable.

Yes he has proposed, though I am not sure how that question is relevant to what I have asked. Our engagement party is next week if you must know.

I agree that many/most grow out of being part of a social clique by the time they mature/reach their 30's but I don't see that happening anytime soon here

My brother went to Harvard and he is in his mid-thirties and he and his group of Harvard friends (about a dozen of them who were housemates) are very tight. Although they live in different parts of the country, they all seem to be best friends and get together a LOT. It is weird to me because none of our other siblings are this close to a big group of college friends so many years later. I think if you get married, you will be stuck with this group forever. The Harvard types do seem to stick together. I think it is sort of a snobby thing too in a way.

[Anonymous]

PP here with Harvard brother. I have found that his group is also close because they can use each other for connections and job opportunities, etc. Although they are in diverse fields. it is always nice to have a good friend who is in a different field and they have supported each other through their careers. So, I think that is part of it. Also, men this age (30's) are establishing themselves and there is something sort of old-fashioned/elitist/preppy about having your lifelong friends be from your Ivy league college days.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/regajha/unexpected-effects-of-your-ivy-league-education

[Anonymous]

i went to two Ivies, including Harvard, and most of my best friends are from college and graduate school. Don't think any of them are stuffy but that's who I was friends with. Think some people are and some are not...so this is just who your soon to be husband chooses to be friends with. As long as he has other friends too...or is open to making new mutual friends maybe there is not much to do about it.

[Anonymous]

I went to Dartmouth, then Yale. And yes I am still in touch with many friends from both. However, that is my personality. I am still in touch with co-workers from places I have worked and neighbors from places I have lived over the years. I am not sure it has anything to do with where one goes to college.

Your DH is not going to change. These are his friends. They went through an intense academic experience together and are bonded. He will resent it if you make him choose you over them.

[Anonymous]

Most people I know who went to Harvard have accomplished greater things in life subsequent to graduating from that fine school. To them, Harvard was just one phase of their youth. The few Harvard grads I know who are truly obnoxious about Harvard all seem to have “underachieved” since college/grad school – so Harvard is the pinnacle of their success and they cling to it (maybe people hoping that others won’t notice how little they’ve done with the opportunity they had).

[Anonymous]

One of my close friends went to HBS, and I don't consider him to be stuffy at all, but, a couple of his HBS friends, are insufferable.

I wouldn't not marry him because of his friends. Once you have kids, you will see them less and less.

[Anonymous]

they are like stinkbugs, you can't get rid of them. (They all dress the same so you can at least identify them easily.)

How do they dress, so that we can more readily identify these stink bugs ?