I reported my mother to Adult Protective Services

[Anonymous]

She is sitting in her own urine, does not bathe, bills are not being paid, hoarder tendencies (short version). I hope this will set something into motion. I hop SOMEONE can help our family - she does not want to help herself right now. Or she can't.

[Anonymous]

Sending good thoughts your way. This must be terribly hard for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

I believe she still has to consent to mental health treatment. Try calling a mental health hotline to see if there is anything you can do.

[Anonymous]

Also look into getting a lawyer specializing in elderly issues in the state where she lives so you or another family member can try to get guardianship over her. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Also sending hugs to you. This is so difficult but if she's not responding to you, maybe someone else will have better luck. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

You did the best thing for her.

[Anonymous]

Sending good thoughts your way, OP. We were in a somewhat similar situation with my aunt a few years ago--not quite sitting in urine, but she did not bathe or take care of herself, was hoarding, not taking her medications, etc. For whatever reason, she really responded to the APS "officials." We were just her worthless family who was always picking on her--the APS people represented some kind of authority to her, and while I don't know how much they could have actually forced her to do if she had refused, she was much more willing to do what they said, than to listen to us.

We were able to get her into an adult care facility, where she currently hates all of her caregivers. BUT... she is in a much better place mentally and her relationship with her family is much improved. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

OP - as you probably know, most hoarders get very agitated when someone tries to organize and clean them up. My parents have made it very clear to me and my brothers that we may do nothing - not even help in the yard - in their home. And we are never invited into their home (the family home). I'm hoping your mother reacts as PP's did and responds well to the APS "officials". If I had called the County on my mom, she would never speak to me again (but we're not up to the urine and bedsores problems yet - just hoarding). good luck.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a hoarder in another country. I so wish I could call someone to make her undergo treatment or whatever.
I don't care if she spoke to me or not, as long as she stopped making a filthy foxhole out of my 'family manor'

[Anonymous]

I am a stranger to you, op, but I support you and your brave choices. No one teaches children of any age how to cope with the horrors of a parent's mental illness. You should hug yourself for stepping up and taking charge of something over which you have no control. As a child of a parent with dementia, you can never really square what you know about being a respectful child with what you recognize you have to do as the responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

At some point, you begin to look upon your parents as if they were small children, illogical and dependent. You have to be there for them, even they hate it, don't look cute and will only need more diapers.

This is when you truly "lose" your parents.

And yet you do it all with the best grace you can muster because you are showing your children the way to treat the elderly with respect and love (specifically, the future you).

[Anonymous]

How about an update, OP? Thinking about you.

[Anonymous]

My fingers are crossed for you and your mom, OP. I'll be thinking of you both and checking back here to see if you've updated with how it's going.

[Anonymous]

I had to do the same thing. Once they're in the system and have a social worker assigned, it gets better.