Reply to Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

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Reply to "Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?[/quote]

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career[/quote]

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. [b]Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. [/b]As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too. [/quote]

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?  [/quote]

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”   :roll: [/quote]

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.[/quote]

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments.  Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job. [/quote]

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.[/quote]

All of this.  There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them.  Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers.  They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.  [/quote]

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.[/quote]

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.[/quote]

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.[/quote]

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it. 
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults. [/quote]

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though. [/quote]

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM[/quote]

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.[/quote]

No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.[/quote]

I'm not sure what your point is. Being INTELLECTUALLY challenged on a daily basis isn't the most important thing in life. Do lawyers and professors also have a good sense of humor? Are they good parents? Are they supportive partners? Are they kind? Do we share similar values? A lot of boxes need to be checked. You seem hyper focused on just one. Do you have anything else to offer than being INTELLECTUALLY challenged at your job?[/quote]

Listen, I have 3 masters degrees, was making more than my exH, slept with hims for 20 years and had his kids, cooked for a division of high profile guests and planned everything for his life. It didn't prevent him from doing what he did in mid life crisis. And when I relaxed and went SAH, just as I thought we were about to retire. It's totally how HE perceives you, and how his AP makes HIM feel. Not about how much you offered for so many years. Men forget it in no time. I was lucky to walk away with $4mm in settlement (out of $20mm de-fact joint assets that could not be reached without a very expensive divorce, close to $1mm in litigation costs across the countries borders, lasting for 5-7 years that's what I was told). 
I was like you and very much regret it. [/quote]

You were like me? You don't know the first thing about me. Spare me your cautionary tale.[/quote]

I don't know who you are, but you seemed to share your great career achievements before SAHM. Yes that's true that working women can end up divorced, too. But I would never place myself in such dependent position on another person, if I was to replay the story.

Is your husband ready to put $5mm in a trust solely for you, not divisible in divorce? I am pragmatic, and wouldn't stay home if we already didn't accumulate over $20mm NW. Most of it was liquidated/moved by exH during divorce but I got all illiquid assets/real estate in the US[/quote]

In your fantasy replay of your life, why didn't you just choose a better husband?[/quote]

I am not the PP but if you are the kind of person who can make a useless and intentionally cruel comment like this, I question what sort of values your kids are absorbing from you. [/quote]

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