My husband won't see a dentist or doctor

[Anonymous]

Does anybody have advice for how I can talk to him about this?

We've been married 10 years and he's never been to a doctor or dentist in that time. He is 48. I'm pretty sure he hasn't been to a doctor or dentist in his entire adult life.

I am mostly worried for his health, and also, his teeth need attention-- kissing him is starting to bother me because he has bad breath.

I have talked to him about it, some-- told him there's really nothing to it, and how important it is to me that he stay healthy for a long time-- but he has a fear of doctors and dentists. I don't know what to do, or if I can even do anything. Should I just let him do what he wants? It's his life, but I am worried about him. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

show him youtube videos of mouth stinkies

[Anonymous]

That's very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Did you flat out tell him that his breathe smells disgusting?

[Anonymous]

Schedule the appointment and take him if you have to. I schedule all appointments or it would not get done.

[Anonymous]

Tell them his oral hygiene is affecting your physical attraction to him and THEN schedule an appointment with a dentist. You have to show him there's something in it for me, i.e., physical intimacy and that he is in danger of losing it if he doesn't do something.

[Anonymous]

I have this problem, too. My husband has severe anxiety where doctor's are concerned. He starts to feel very sick, has a panic attack, and often either throws up or feels like he is going to — and that's just for taking the kids to their appointments. When I was in labor, I swear he was in more distress than me. He hasn't gone himself in at least the five years we have been together.

Sorry, just sympathy.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to PP above. I used to get so nervous at doctor appointments, even for my kids, that I'd have to make my DH come along. I'd be too sick and nervous to go solo.

What helped? A low dose SSRI, daily. If needed, I take a Xanax.

Go with him to a male GP to discuss his possible phobia. Maybe Meds could be prescribed even as needed. Look into sedation dentistry also.

Read about musician Warren Zevon; he was phobic of any preventative check ups and shunned even cursory physicals and...died of cancer that could have been caught and treated. Not to scare you, but warrens story resonated with me.

[Anonymous]

I went an embarassingly long time without seeing a dentist. I had a horrible dentist when I was a kid and I would have anxiety for weeks before a cleaning. Once I got into college, I just stopped going. Then it got to a point where I was scared about how much money I would probably end up spending to fix my teeth.

What finally scared me into going was hearing about people dying from poor oral hygeine that had spread to their internal organs. My dentist is great and really calmed my nerves when I met him. Yes, I had a number of problems that needed fixing once I finally went (multiple cavities, 2 root canals), but really it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

I don't know what to tell you OP besides suggesting that your DH is being a poor example to his children. The fear is quite real.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize w/you OP on this. Getting a man to see a Dr. or Dentist is close to impossible.

In reality, there is only so much you can do.
You can ask him...even beg and bribe him...but ultimately that is as much as you can do. The final decision has to be with him. And if he chooses not to go, it is really out of your hands.

I am so sorry you have to go through this.
It must be so hard knowing how important this is for your loved one.

[Anonymous]

Good for him. He will probably live longer than you. But he really does need to floss and use mouthwash. Cleaning up his diet would be a bonus too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize w/you OP on this. Getting a man to see a Dr. or Dentist is close to impossible.

Nonsense. Plenty of men see their healthcare providers--my husband makes all his own appointments and has at least an annual physical, annual mole check, and two dental cleanings a year. Some people have a hang-up about this stuff, but it's not a male trait.

[Anonymous]

Gross. You shouldn't have to kiss someone whose breath smells. It's unpleasant plus the bacteria from his mouth could get into yours. Tell him you won't kids him until he sees a dentist.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone. I really don't know what to do. If I make an appointment for him, he just won't go. I liked the one PP's suggestion to make an appointment just for him to _meet_ with a physician and talk through this phobia as a first step. My GP is a male, so maybe I could try to set that up.

[Anonymous]

OP not to sound like an amateur shrink, but what is the root of this fear of docs and dentists? None of us particularly like them or enjoy going to these visits, but what drives an otherwise competent adult to let this fear of something so important, control his actions?