My husband won't see a dentist or doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP not to sound like an amateur shrink, but what is the root of this fear of docs and dentists? None of us particularly like them or enjoy going to these visits, but what drives an otherwise competent adult to let this fear of something so important, control his actions?

He had severe asthma as a child and had to go to the doctor every week for allergy shots. It caused him to just fear doctors and to dread that every time he goes to the doctor, they will tell him something is seriously wrong with him. Other than this issue, he's a high functioning, normal guy.

[Anonymous]

That sucks. For him and you and your family. But the guy is married and has a family? He needs to grow up and get over himself and take care of himself because now he's got responsibilities in life. He can pull that crap if he's single and doesn't have any close family still alive. Yeah, tell him that.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a male or female thing. Lots of people have phobias related to doctors dentist and it is very anxiety producing. Lets not turn this into a men are such idiots - man bashing thread. This is about health anxiety and how to get adults to take care of themselves in the face of debilitating fear and panic.

[Anonymous]

DH had the same issues with going to the Dentist. He had bad breath and that made him more hesitant to go. I made sure that he uses a water pic everyday, scrape his tongue with a metal tongue cleaner, and gargled with Hydrogen Peroxide with water to take care of the bad breath. 2 weeks of that and he felt more confident about going to the dentist.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize. My mother has 2 out of 3 sisters who got breast cancer and she has never had a mammogram and she doesn't plan on getting one anytime soon. It bothers me to no end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize. My mother has 2 out of 3 sisters who got breast cancer and she has never had a mammogram and she doesn't plan on getting one anytime soon. It bothers me to no end.

Read a story about a woman who had regular medical check ups and was in the terminal stages of breast cancer. They didn't catch it early on and people wondered how could it be. Turns out that she didn't like going to the doctor because it made her uncomfortable. But she was able to find a doctor who she didn't mind seeing because he didn't ask any hard questions or really investigate her health issues. I think she knew she had a huge lump and can't remember if the doctor also knew but didn't say anything because that would make her uncomfortable. Of course, she wasn't happy that she was dying but she also wasn't angry either, sort of okay with it.

[Anonymous]

Not sure what to tell you about the dentist, but is there any small part of an exam he'd be ok with? Just a blood draw and bp check could tell you a lot; if he refuses to do that even just a check of the heart, lungs, neck would be a decent start.

Not sure how you'd get a GP to do an exam with restrictions but if he agrees to some part of an exam, you could always talk with your male GP to set the stage. Most good doctors are glad when people come in at all -- even if they aren't properly taking care of their health or are way behind on exams.

[Anonymous]

My husband just went to the dentist for the first time after ten years. It took me screaming and crying to get him to make the appointment. He just went last week and while he does need some work done, it isn't as bad as he thought. You may just have to be a bitch about the matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband just went to the dentist for the first time after ten years. It took me screaming and crying to get him to make the appointment. He just went last week and while he does need some work done, it isn't as bad as he thought. You may just have to be a bitch about the matter.

OP here-- what did you say to him, exactly? Had you been bringing it up for a while and finally you just really insisted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went an embarassingly long time without seeing a dentist. I had a horrible dentist when I was a kid and I would have anxiety for weeks before a cleaning. Once I got into college, I just stopped going. Then it got to a point where I was scared about how much money I would probably end up spending to fix my teeth.

What finally scared me into going was hearing about people dying from poor oral hygeine that had spread to their internal organs. My dentist is great and really calmed my nerves when I met him. Yes, I had a number of problems that needed fixing once I finally went (multiple cavities, 2 root canals), but really it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

I don't know what to tell you OP besides suggesting that your DH is being a poor example to his children. The fear is quite real.

this is me! I am 27 and haven't been in almost ten years. it is so embarrassing. I just got good health insurance though with a new job and need to find a good dentist. I am mortified- not because I'm scared, but because I'm so embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went an embarassingly long time without seeing a dentist. I had a horrible dentist when I was a kid and I would have anxiety for weeks before a cleaning. Once I got into college, I just stopped going. Then it got to a point where I was scared about how much money I would probably end up spending to fix my teeth.

What finally scared me into going was hearing about people dying from poor oral hygeine that had spread to their internal organs. My dentist is great and really calmed my nerves when I met him. Yes, I had a number of problems that needed fixing once I finally went (multiple cavities, 2 root canals), but really it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

I don't know what to tell you OP besides suggesting that your DH is being a poor example to his children. The fear is quite real.

this is me! I am 27 and haven't been in almost ten years. it is so embarrassing. I just got good health insurance though with a new job and need to find a good dentist. I am mortified- not because I'm scared, but because I'm so embarrassed.

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I had a good 5 yr stretch where I didn't go. Dentists are used to people skipping out on preventative visits, in part because not everyone has dental coverage; they are used to seeing a certain percentage of the population coming in only when something hurts. I am almost certain that they won't say anything. If they do, it's totally fine to say you let it slip by the wayside for a long time, didn't have decent insurance for a long time etc. They have heard it all.

Same is true for dr's I've noticed. I seriously hadn't had any kind of physical exam in 15+ yrs; I chose a good dr who was known for a good bedside manner and when she was talking about history, last exam etc. I was very upfront in that I hadn't gotten a physical since about junior high; she also asked about eye doctor, dentist etc and I again said -- I'm way behind on everything. She literally said "ok so you'll have homework to do." I really think good drs/dentists would rather not shame people and scare them away -- if you're taking initiative, they're likely not going to criticize.

[Anonymous]

NP here, this is my husband, too, age 42. He promised me last year that he would go to the doctor before we got married. He did not. He claims a loophole in the promise, which is that he had to go to the dentist for rxcruluciatibg pain and have some teeth extracted. I feel betrayed and angry with myself. We have a baby now and he still won't go. He broke his promise, but I'm the sucker who let him.

No advice, OP, just empathy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what to tell you about the dentist, but is there any small part of an exam he'd be ok with? Just a blood draw and bp check could tell you a lot; if he refuses to do that even just a check of the heart, lungs, neck would be a decent start.

Not sure how you'd get a GP to do an exam with restrictions but if he agrees to some part of an exam, you could always talk with your male GP to set the stage. Most good doctors are glad when people come in at all -- even if they aren't properly taking care of their health or are way behind on exams.

My doctor is advanced in age and when I consider him retiring it concerns me. We have spent a lot of time building a relationship that I am comfortable with and it has taken no small level of professional care on his part to reach that level. I do not like the idea of taking any drug that is not ABSOLUTELY necessary and have accepted that my lack of following common medical procedures is likely to kill me. Luckily he is one of these who understand "something is better than nothing" and has taken an abnormal amount of time to discuss options with me and even counseled me as to when the "last moment" I can wait for other issues is. I asked about homeopathic remedies before and he has advised me what to watch for if I attempt them even when he does not think they will work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went an embarassingly long time without seeing a dentist. I had a horrible dentist when I was a kid and I would have anxiety for weeks before a cleaning. Once I got into college, I just stopped going. Then it got to a point where I was scared about how much money I would probably end up spending to fix my teeth.

What finally scared me into going was hearing about people dying from poor oral hygeine that had spread to their internal organs. My dentist is great and really calmed my nerves when I met him. Yes, I had a number of problems that needed fixing once I finally went (multiple cavities, 2 root canals), but really it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

I don't know what to tell you OP besides suggesting that your DH is being a poor example to his children. The fear is quite real.

this is me! I am 27 and haven't been in almost ten years. it is so embarrassing. I just got good health insurance though with a new job and need to find a good dentist. I am mortified- not because I'm scared, but because I'm so embarrassed.

I wouldn't be embarrassed. I had a good 5 yr stretch where I didn't go. Dentists are used to people skipping out on preventative visits, in part because not everyone has dental coverage; they are used to seeing a certain percentage of the population coming in only when something hurts. I am almost certain that they won't say anything. If they do, it's totally fine to say you let it slip by the wayside for a long time, didn't have decent insurance for a long time etc. They have heard it all.

NP here - the PP has very good advice. And remember the doctor works for you. That's what got me to go to the dentist.

Same is true for dr's I've noticed. I seriously hadn't had any kind of physical exam in 15+ yrs; I chose a good dr who was known for a good bedside manner and when she was talking about history, last exam etc. I was very upfront in that I hadn't gotten a physical since about junior high; she also asked about eye doctor, dentist etc and I again said -- I'm way behind on everything. She literally said "ok so you'll have homework to do." I really think good drs/dentists would rather not shame people and scare them away -- if you're taking initiative, they're likely not going to criticize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for him. He will probably live longer than you. But he really does need to floss and use mouthwash. Cleaning up his diet would be a bonus too.

Au contraire! One of the reasons men's life expectancy is shorter than women's is their reluctance to see a doctor.

OP, does your husband have a good life insurance policy. He needs to understand that if isn't willing to be responsible about his health, he at least needs to be responsible about death.