Holiday quandary!

[Anonymous]

Every year we rotate between my house, my brothers house (Chicago) and my sisters house (northern California), Every year our family also seems to grow, so we are now with kids a total of 15 people plus one small baby. Its so much fun as we are a very close family but its A LOT of work. I have cleaning lady twice a week and we live in a pretty nice sized home (6000 sq feet) we just finished the basement in preparation for not only our own kids to have a space for their own but also because its a great way to accommodate for the holidays and the growing brood. This year is our year.


My sister however recently sent a family wide email to everyone stating that they have decided to sell their home and built a new one and that this could potentially be their last Christmas in the house and they really want to host Christmas this year. But now the airfare is sooo expensive! When I brought this up she fussed and fumed and got really angry with me. Thankfully we can all afford it very comfortably but a normal 400 or 500 fare is around 1700 for the dates/times we want, that just seems so crazy. So we are at a standoff, no one else is saying a word telling us its between the two of us and they will go wherever we want them to. HELP!

[Anonymous]

I agree that your sister is being annoying. However, if you go this year, this means that next year (or the year after), you won't right? So it's not as if you are going an extra time, she's just swapping her hosting time with you.

I would do it, because it seems like such a big deal to her. But I would find it slightly annoying and pushy too.

[Anonymous]

Sis is being selfish. Unless she wants to pick up the extra airfare...

[Anonymous]

It sucks but if you can afford it, you should do it. Its their last Christmas in their home and it obviously means a lot to them. It may be selfish for her to ask but it is also selfish for you to refuse when you have the means to comply and has no additional emotional connection to having the holiday at your house like she does. It sounds like the rest of the family is fine with it so refusing makes you the bad guy here and will likely cause long term issues where there were none before. Is this really the cross you're willing to die on?

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord Sis! It's not like you are going from nice house to homelessness! You are building a new, potentially nicer house, Christmas will be just as nice in the new house, maybe nicer. Kind of silly and selfish for her to screw up everyone's plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord Sis! It's not like you are going from nice house to homelessness! You are building a new, potentially nicer house, Christmas will be just as nice in the new house, maybe nicer. Kind of silly and selfish for her to screw up everyone's plans.

Well, isn't it nice that you get to determine what emotional connections other people are allowed to have. Your friends and family must love you.

[Anonymous]

But hasn't your sister been buying expensive airline tickets to get to your house for the holidays all these years? Your home sounds great for hosting, but it is fair to switch things up so one family isn't always stuck traveling.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is time for everyone to spend the holidays with their respective families. $1700 per for airfare is too steep, unless you are going to Istanbul.

[Anonymous]

And then the year that the new house is finished, she will want to have it because it's her first Christmas in the new house. Keep the original schedule. She just doesn't want to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it is time for everyone to spend the holidays with their respective families. $1700 per for airfare is too steep, unless you are going to Istanbul.

When do you spend the holidays with DH's family? We have to swap between Thanksgiving and Christmas every year.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. Aren't the holidays about spending time with your family, not the structure that houses the tree? Is the house going to cry because its it's last Xmas with this family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But hasn't your sister been buying expensive airline tickets to get to your house for the holidays all these years? Your home sounds great for hosting, but it is fair to switch things up so one family isn't always stuck traveling.

I didn't see the part about how you already rotate among the three homes, in that case: what everyone else says.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand...clearly they aren't very attached to the house since they are selling and building a new one.

I agree she's going to want you to come again next year for their first Christmas in the new house.

I say stick to the schedule or it sounds like you are going to get walked all over and end up shelling out for tickets multiple times when it's your family's turn not to travel.

[Anonymous]

Your sister has decided she's wants to make it easier on herself this year (by not traveling) sounds like an excuse to me. Of course some year down the road, there may be family members who don't share this willingness other hold in such high regard for traveling during the holidays. You should prepare yourself for the possibility, that even given the best intentions (and I don't think your sister is handling it well) this family tradition will probably unravel.

[Anonymous]

Who has the new baby? If your sis has the new baby, then that is a good excuse not to travel. But it doesn't sound like she is using the baby as a house.

This is what I don't get -- I know that it is expensive to travel over the holidays; I just bought plane tickets, but I found that if I played around with the dates and was flexible on times, I had no problem getting a decent holiday fare. Are you really sure that there is no alternative but $1700/person?!?! That doesn't seem right.

We alternate too, and last year was our year, but family had recently movd to a new house and wanted to host. We swapped. Circumstances change. I don't think that 4 months out is too short notice. If you truly cannot find airfare less than $1700, then it seems unfair.