When we are each different religions...what to do.

[Anonymous]

I am Catholic but not a practicing Catholic. Very serious with a Jewish man. He wants to get engaged but religion is a dividing factor, he has asked me to convert which is out of the question. He says its not him but his parents. I for much the same reasons would not do that though I do not practice my religion. It would kill my mother and it is not a consideration. Any input? We are at a standstill right now. He has said he still wants to go forward and that our families will need to accept things as they are but I am afraid it will come up later when we start a family.

[Anonymous]

If you can't solve it and work out plans for a future family now -- you never will.

[Anonymous]

I think you need a game plan regarding your future family. Isn't it normally the mothers religion for how to choose what the kids are raised? I think you need to be in full agreement before you even think of getting married.

Do not think you need permission from either parents for whatever you decide but the two of you must be united and in agreement.

A good friend of mine is Protestant and her husband is Jewish and they did not convert but the kids are being raised Protestant. But they do celebrate some Jewish holidays too. It works for them.

[Anonymous]

It's all the same God just different traditions.

What traditions are important to you that he would want to do?

Do you want a baptism, 1st communion, confirmation.

Does he want a bris, bar mitzvah, etc.

What holidays will you celebrate.

I would go to a pre-marriage counselor to sort it all out. Talk to your mom's priest, talk to his Kim's rabbi.

You maturely explain to the parents your intentions and either they are with you or they are against you.

Then you decide, yes you want to do this together or no you don't.

I have multiple friends in mix religion marriages, each have to give a little.

[Anonymous]

Kim's = mom's

[Anonymous]

To be blunt, this is why you should not have gotten involved to begin with! What did you think was going to happen? He was going to have a come to Jesus moment??!! Walk away now and you will both have a better life. Good luck

[Anonymous]

He says that your families will have to accept things, but he wants you to convert?
I'd tread very lightly here, and I speak from experience. My ex is Jewish, and I'm Protestant. We sort of touched on the subject before we were married, but once we started thinking about kids it became a major issue.
His parents tried to bribe us with private school if we sent our future kids to a Jewish school.
How do each of you feel about circumcision?
What will you do about Christmas? Easter? Jewish holidays?
Will you want your children baptized?
Do you ever plan to go to church/temple as a family? How will the other parent feel about that?
Do you want to get married in a church? The Catholic Church won't recognize your marriage if it's not in a church, and they will basically tell you that you are living in sin and shouldn't take communion.
It's an easy answer to say "we will raise our children in both religions," but a person can only be one religion. While parts of Judiasm and Christianity are similar, there is a major difference.
Do your (or you) parents think that non believers in Jesus go to hell? This could potentially be a very big issue if you have family who can't keep their opinions to themselves.
Just some things to think about. They can be overcome, but is definitely recommend some premarriage counseling to really hash out these issues before you start down the road to marriage and kids.
Good luck to you both!

[Anonymous]

Have each religion choose a champion. Those champions then figh it out - whoever wins, his Jesus reigns supreme.

[Anonymous]

I would say if you are not planning to have any kids, go ahead and be together, however if you actually are planning to start a family, this will be tricky. I am Muslim and I have friends and family (Muslim) who are married to Non-Muslims and it has mostly created conflicts when they have children in the sense that mom wants the kids to follow her religion, dad wants the kids to follow his religion, in the end, most of them have children who do not follow either religion (they don’t want to choose as they feel like they will betray one parent) or are utterly confused. I think marriage already requires so much compromise from the parties involved that if you also have to fight/compromise about religion, it can be really stressful. I think this situation (mixed faith) works best in cases where one party just doesn’t care and let the other party takes the reigns but if you both care/practice your religion, then it’s going to be a hard road to travel on.

[Anonymous]

The kids is where you'll have the fights. Think it out very carefully, and realize it still may out play out the way you want.

I'm Christian married to a Muslim. We agreed the kids would be Muslim, because that's required in his home country. But he also wanted them to go to Islamic school. I researched it while pregnant and seriously was OK with a particular school near us.

But as my oldest son got older, I felt less and less comfortable with that choice. And I changed my mind. I'm lucky I have a flexible husband, and our compromise was a secular private school. But what if he hadn't been? I'd promised one thing and had genuinely meant it at the time. Only to change my mind later.

And now our kids are older, in elementary school, and not religious at all. Which is OK with my husband and me. We aren't very observant ourselves. But I've got the in laws on both sides in a perpetual state of panic over my children's souls.

Bottom line, the challenges don't go away.

[Anonymous]

I'm an atheist and very against organized religion; DH is Christian. I have two words for you: marriage counsellor. Before you get married, as needed after you're married. You need an objective 3rd party who isn't trying to convince you to convert.

We've kind of sort of figured it out and are trying to raise our children to be open-minded. They hear what mommy believes and what daddy believes, and ultimately we are leaving it up to them to decide as they grow if they'd like to go to church. Luckily for me, sleeping in on Sundays is more important to DH than making it to church

[Anonymous]

Break up. It will be a HUGE problem when you have kids. The two of you don't have common ground on a huge matter. This is a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

You two need to figure this out now. Before the relationship goes any further. Judiasm follows the matriarch. That means unless you convert prior to giving birth, your children will not be jewish by birth.

This is one of those issues that is a deal breaker in a marriage. And compromise on this issue is not easy.

[Anonymous]

Stay true to your convictions. If neither of you will convert you need to make it clear to all family members but more importantly you need to discuss NOW what will happen with the kids. I personally would feel compelled to raise them protestant, and think kids should be what the mother is. Not easy though, wish you luck.

[Anonymous]

If you both can agree on how to live your lives and raise kids then it can work, but iron it all out before engage,ent and tell both families if you're united, on the same page, it can work. Been with DH 20 years, he's catholic I'm Jewish. We spent a long time discussing this and coming up with a plan that would work for us and our families either respected it or kept their mouths closed. We had no issues, first interfaith marriage for both families. I think the fact that we were unified and calm, everyone was comfortable with our decisions. Best of luck.